Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Does it show?

When I was expecting my first child, a weird little pimple popped up on my right upper arm. It didn't bother me and it was not really noticeable. But I have this thing with pimples and crusts: I just have to touch it, pull at it, squeeze it or whatever people tend to do with pimples.
I just couldn't keep my hands - my left hand that is - off it.
Over the years, the pimple hasn't gone away.
The daughter is almost 17 now and the pimple will have been sitting on my arm for nearly 18 years. How silly is that?? I still poke it, I still remove the little crust and scratch it whenever I feel like it. It feels familiar, it's part of me.

I have worked as a clerk in a hospital. It was a stressful period in my life. The doctor I worked for, was not the easiest one and he scared the heck out of me at times. So yes, I was nervous for every unexpected visit he would bring to our office. One day, he had given me an assignment. He had not been clear about what he truly expected me to do. I was working on the project, when one of his colleague-doctors came in. I had a good bond with her and she didn't scare me one bit. She asked me if I could help her with something and I told her that I was on a deadline with this one particular project. While talking to her, I touched the pimple and pulled off its little crust. She tapped me on the arm and told me to stop it. She asked me why I let that doctor get at me. Every time I talked about that particular doctor, I fiddled with that pimple, she said.. It had become my little tic.. Never before had I looked at it in that way. But she was right. And after all those years, I still do it. I left that bossy doctor behind a long time ago, but I still mess with that pimple in strenuous times.. Some habits don't disappear, I assume..

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