I was wondering...

why it had been so long since I last blogged. Have things been too hectic around here? Was I running out of inspiration? Maybe other priorities? I really don't know. It just didn't happen for a while. I had the intention to blog every now and then, but I never really got to it.

Today is the day I need to blog. Because I'm sad. Because I want to scream and shout. Because life is a bitch. I feel devastated and hurt and my heart is bleeding. Scrolling back through my blog, I saw that one of my last blogs was about how we are just promised today, not tomorrow. I can't believe this actually has happened. You had not yet come to terms with your papie's passing. You missed him so much and your heart didn't find the right way to heal. You missed your rock, your inspiration, your guideline and your mentor. He meant the world to you..

Did you ever realize how much you meant to that same world? Did you ever hear your family and friends say how much they appreciated you? You were so special, so unique, so unselfish. Whatever you did, you did in the best interest of others. I never heard you talk bad about anyone. You were always a very good listener and your heart was big enough to hold a great bunch of friends.

I liked to stop by, whenever I went to Bruges. Your cute little dog Troy was your pride, although you still missed Chablis, your previous dog. Troy is waiting for you to come home, sitting by the screen door, not understanding why the house is filled with crying people holding on to each other. I picked him up and tried to comfort him. We tried to comfort each other. Your daughter, your son, your husband and your friends.. we were all there to try to understand the reason for your being taken away. I do understand there is a reason for everything but I really can't see any reason for this loss. You were born 6 months before me. Too young to go explore the other world. Why? Just why???  You were needed here... you had been doing so well lately, trying to get control of your diabetes.
Do you remember our first date, at your parents' house? There was this instant click. It's been just a little over a year since we first met, but it seemed like we had known each other for much longer. Sometimes there is this connection one cannot explain. Even if we hadn't seen each other for some time, we just picked up where our last conversation ended.

You called me, late that Tuesday night. Our eldest daughter had been in an accident and you wanted to know if she was okay. We chitchatted a bit and we were making an appointment for a gathering with D-friends. I was having a low during our conversation so you told me to get some coke and promised me we would continue our conversation the next day. I will never forget that horrific Wednesday, October 22.. I wanted to hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay. I wanted to make sure the hospital staff did not remove your Dexcom so they would know if you went low. Being in a coma would not give you the opportunity to tell anyone if your bloodsugar was dropping. That worried me. What if you realized you were low but you couldn't speak? It is so terrifying..

I guess we will never really know what made your heart stop so sudden, so out of the blue. There was no prehistory of heart issues. Your diabetes was under control and you were not sick. We have been told you didn't suffer at all, if that can be of any comfort to anyone. I just wished we could turn back time..

It's been too long

There were so many occasions to blog about. So many opportunities to share and yet, I couldn't find the motivation to write things down and memorize the important things in life. Weeks go by and there are still not enough hours in a day to sit down and relax. We just came back from Florida, the same day MH17 got shot down in Ukrain.. It makes you reflect over life and you come to the realization life can be over in seconds. So many families that have lost loved ones. Children who have lost their parents, parents without their children, grandparents who have lost both children and grandchildren. We are thankful for having returned home safely and most important: as a complete family.

Florida was like coming home again. It felt so good, so natural. We didn't come in through Sanford Airport this time. We decided to pay Miami a visit before driving that Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited Edition all the way to Kissimmee. It was amazing. So different but yet so familiar. How I have missed those trees, the highways, the weather, the people. This vacation was more active than our previous ones. We swam with manatees, went kayaking in Wekiwa Springs, did some shopping, visited numerous restaurants, had the best sushi, shopped some more, enjoyed different beaches and springs (we had never before seen water that clear and pure as in Juniper and Wekiwa Springs), celebrated July 4th near the Lakefront Park in Kissimmee, screamed our lungs out on a local rodeo event, visited Saint Augustine (man, my calves hurt for 3 days after climbing that lighthouse - I really need to work on getting in shape) and had the honor to spend a day at the Children With Diabetes congress in Orlando. I had been invited by Scott Johnson, a T1 colleague who lives in Minnesota and has been a wonderful diabetes advocate for many years. We met so many wonderful people on the congress and I felt blessed for this event, that has been created to make life of children with T1 diabetes a little bit easier. 

It was wonderful. We had been looking forward to Florida all year and it was no disappointment. I really hope to go back next year.. 

The girls did well in school and as usual: we are very proud of them. It's a privilege to see them grow up and do well. They are amazing and a true blessing. They are growing up alright. Lana has bought her first car (thank you Mammie, for giving her this opportunity) and she's been loving it ever since. It gives her independence and I can relate to her joy. It is such a big step into adulthood to have a car of your own and to be able to drive yourself to wherever you want to be. I still get that same overwhelming feeling whenever I get another car. By the way: the next car is a fact: right before we left for Florida, my new car found its way to our home. I didn't want to give up on 4x4, so this time we got a Honda CR-V. It's been a joy driving it so far.

Eva started working weekends in a restaurant. It gives us something new to talk about. I'm proud of her. Working in restaurants is hard and working late hours isn't easy if you need a lot of sleep. But she's holding on and she'll be combining it with her job at the nursing home during the summer holidays. It gives her some extra money to spend and it makes her realize life is hard and you need to work for a living. She gets responsibility and praise for what she's doing and that is so important at the age of 17. It is important at any age.

There's so much more to tell and I will get to it eventually. For now, let things be and get some rest. I need to go to bed and get up early in the morning. 

We just have today, we are not promised tomorrow

I first met the two of you last August. I had no idea who to expect and I was surprised by the friendliness you and your father welcomed me into his home with. Immediately I was impressed by the bond between you both. He was your inspiration, your rock, your adviser and caretaker. You could talk on the same level, like adults are supposed to do, even in a father - daughter relationship. I admired you for that. You cared deeply for him and I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes, how much he loved you. Right there and then, I realized how deeply a father can love his daughter and wish nothing but the best for you. I could read from the look on his face, how proud he was of you.

You told me he was very ill. He had had surgery and times had been rough. But he was doing better and both him and your mom spent several vacations abroad to enjoy each others company. You would take care of his dog in the meantime and keep an eye on their property. That's the kind of person you are: caring, loving, generous and loyal. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, I suppose.

Today I came to see you, completely out of the blue. We normally meet and talk about diabetes, since we share the same condition. There were no intentions for a meeting whatsoever, but your parents had brought me a tortilla pan from Spain. A pan I had been wanting for quite some time. You are so good at arranging things and surprising other people. We talked about your father and that he needed a check-up at the hospital, for he wasn't feeling too well. You always spoke of him in a soft voice and with love and compassion. He was your friend...

We said our goodbyes around 4:00 PM and I returned on my steps and said to you: don't worry about your dad, he'll be just fine. And you said: of course he will, he has to. I didn't expect your phone call later this evening. I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend. This must be so hard on you. Your father is at peace now. He has left a true legacy, a loving family and an amazing impression on so many people. Take care now. I'll talk to you soon xx

Looking good there!

It had been a while - you said 2 months at the least - since we last got together. Things have been quite hectic around here. I can see you during the day and you prefer evening get aways. So it's not always easy to schedule a date, but today we finally met up again.

Foto Cathy Van de Moortele

You looked fab! You dyed your hair and it was a bit shorter than last time I saw you. I felt like caressing your growing belly, but I wasn't too sure you would appreciate that. It was almost emotional to see you pregnant, since I missed your previous pregnancy. I was so anxious to hear the sex of your baby. You didn't want to tell me over the phone, so I had to be patient, but it was worth the wait. I'm so happy for you. That baby will be loved and cuddled and spoiled rotten. Not only by you and your family, but by your beautiful and intelligent son as well.

We sat down for a picnic that I had made for us. We babbled and laughed and ate in between the story telling. It was nice to sit out there, just the two of us - and that little cutie in your belly of course - discussing life and motherhood. You're a great mom. I hear your insecurity and your worries, but there's no need to. Children do real well if loved and you have plenty of love to give.

So looking forward to the end of August. This time, I'll be there to support you and stand by your side xx

No small talk

Seeing your child suffer, is one of the hardest things moms have to face. You only want the best for your children and you want to see them happy. Teary faces and broken hearts are part of life. You want to protect them from getting hurt, but you can't. Life isn't always one happy story. There are ups and downs and some days are better than others. Relationships can make you grow in life and we need them to learn about ourselves. It is good to love and be loved. Love is wonderful and it is painful at the same time. Knowing the other is always within reach, can be very comforting but frightening as well. Getting too involved can make you feel desperate once the other party is no longer there. It is hard to stay positive and strong when there's so much sadness and grief. I can tell you about my experience as a teenager in love. I'm sure most people can tell you similar stories. But it's not your story, it's not your grief, it's not your loss. Please talk to me. Open your heart and let those tears roll down your cheeks. You didn't give up - you are strong enough to let go. You had this idea of growing old with this love of yours. You can't call it failure. You have loved and you have been loved back in return. It was beautiful and you learned so much. Let your heart heal and try to remember the good times with a smile on your face. He'll be fine. You'll be fine. He will move on and so will you. I'm proud of your mature way of dealing with difficult situations nowadays. I'm proud to be your mom. I love you. 

Bonding

The Student Exchange Program is an excellent tool for students to see the world. Having a host family abroad, is a fine way to experience other cultures and family life in a country different from yours. Last year, we had been given the opportunity to welcome the Italian Ilaria Landriscina into our home. She was not only our guest for 3 months, she became a family member. We are still in touch, just the way I still contact my American host family every now and then. Those are everlasting memories.

Last week, two German students came to stay with us. We were thrilled to have them over and make them feel at home. Mirjam Gröger and Hien Nguyen Totla were a pleasure to have around. They were like a sister to Eva and our dogs were more than happy with the extra cuddles. We didn't get to speak much German and there was no time to teach our guests some Dutch words. Communication went well though and we had a good time together, filled with joy and warm friendship. These two girls had never met before, but seeing how fast they got along, was moving.
Too bad their stay was so short. We should've had more time to get to know each other. I wanted to hear more about their lives in Germany, their family, their interests and activities. Lana offered them their room, while she was in Bruges. We were glad they got to meet each other right before they had to return to Germany.

It was nice having you over girls. Maybe we'll meet again, one day.

Unconditional love

At the age of 21, my friends were discussing their wish to get married and their hunger for children. I could not relate to their dreams, since they were so different from mine. I wanted to find a place to live on my own. I wanted to travel and see the world. The desire to be independent and free, was greater than the search to settle with someone else. I had had my number of relationships and there were plenty of families with children that asked me to babysit. But under no circumstances had I foreseen a family of my own.. 

Not planned at all and as a total surprise, I gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. Just two years apart but so different, they are the best thing that ever happened to me. Being given the chance to mother these two girls, has made me a better person. They make me look at myself and question my life, so I can give them the education and love they deserve. It brings me so much joy to hear their stories and witness their growth in life.  It takes effort and tears, laughter and happiness and it's a hard job. But being a mom is the only job worth doing for the rest of your life. You can never quit being a mom. These beautiful daughters are my life, my future, my hope and my comfort. They make me breathe and laugh. A film of their progress in life is running through my mind today. I can see them as babies, toddlers, preschoolers and I see their life change going to high school and turning into young teens. They are almost the same age I once was and I wonder if they will ever have a family of their own. 

Thank you for giving me the chance to be your mommy. It's the best gift I could've wished for.. 

I hate it when you do that

It's been quite a while since my diabetes was so out of control. I must admit, I had not changed my site in time (okay, I was way overdue), so by the time I got the site out this morning, my skin was red and swollen and icky. I cleaned and disinfected the site and inserted a new one, far from the previous one (there is enough skin to find on my body, that holds enough fat to stand a site insertion). Grabbing my coat, I left the house to rush to work.

Driving the car, I felt this terrible thirst coming up. There's always a diet soda and a regular soda in the car, for emergencies. Instantly, I felt this was going to be one of those days... I emptied a 500 ml bottle of diet coke, but it didn't quench my thirst. My Dexcom told me my numbers were skyrocketing. Great... just what I needed. I'm tired already and a workday ahead of me wasn't going to solve the problem. I needed to focus on getting those numbers down. I got out of the car - it's only a 10 min drive to work - and tested my BG. My meter said 504... My Dexcom couldn't give any more details, since it stops counting at 400. It sure felt like 504. It was like someone made me eat a bowl full of oatmeal and forgot to pour the milk over it. Grumble... this was not going to be a great day...

The little girl I take care of, was ready for her nap and all I could think of, was having a nap myself. But it's work, remember? No time to nap.. She fell asleep in my lap and of course, I had to go pee.. again.. ggrrrrr... that's what high numbers do to your bladder. They make you run to the loo way too often to get rid of that excess sugar in your kidneys. Princess wasn't sleeping anyway, so I didn't feel guilty about getting up. I stumbled down the stairs, holding on to the banisters and making sure little Princess was held tight to my body. I put her down in her chair, went to the toilet, had 500 ml water to drink and went back to the toilet. I corrected multiple times this afternoon, to get those bloody highs out of my system, but it was like my body was resistant to insulin. It just didn't do anything at all. I knew it was gonna hit me in the face at a certain point, so I didn't want to overdo on the correcting part. I was so thankful for my Dexcom, so at least, I could see where I was headed towards without poking my fingers 12 times in a row. My numbers had stabilized around HIGH so I decided to give another correction bolus. I felt sick to my stomach by now and I had run out of diet soda and water. My mouth was dry and my body dehydrated. I was hungry as well but didn't dare to eat anything for I didn't want to go any higher. I was so happy little Princess decided to take another nap. We cuddled and dove into that comfortable couch together, turned on the TV and chilled out. I truly hate it when this happens...


Around 5 PM, my numbers started to crawl down, slowly but at least they were coming down. Right before I went home, I saw a straight arrow pointing downwards. Great... had another bottle of regular coke in the car - it was hot from sitting in the sun all day, but hey, who minds warm coke when you're about to faint? I drove home and decided to skip the carbs for the rest of the day. We had grilled prawns, tuna and salmon sashimi and some wakame salad.
I so enjoyed my dinner and was really full. I can't believe my Dexcom was buzzing again!!! This time to prevent me from going low. Cheese and rice! Come on! Can't you have just a little bit of sympathy here? Hello??? I'm full! Can't have any more food or drinks. I hate you Diabetes, at times I really hate you...

I stuffed down a small piece of toast, spread with Nutella, to get rid of that 78 pointing downwards. Did I get rid of it all right... In just an hour time, my BG read 238 again... WTF!  I want someone to take over. I want to sleep and forget about D, just for a couple of hours. I need that cure NOW!

What if happiness is not that obvious?

We all know the world is full of bellies carrying little babies. Once you're pregnant yourself or looking forward to having a baby, you see even more moms to be. One of my friends has had a baby just recently (and yes, I miss her and our chats, but don't we all know how busy our lives become once those little ones enter our homes), another one has a belly that is full of life and growing way too fast (I want to enjoy that wonderful sight of her pregnancy - I missed her previous one) and a third friend is in the early stage of expecting new life, while a fourth is about to deliver any time now.

Having two wonderful daughters of my own, I know what it's like to expect a child and give birth. I know the feeling of bringing new life into this world, the pain of being in labor and the happiness once that little creature uses its voice for the very first time. It's a feeling only moms can experience. Your life will never be the same, once you can call yourself a mom.

What if you have this dream, this one and only dream that would fill your life with so much joy and happiness that you would do anything to achieve your goal? What if things don't work out the way you want them to? Do people ever realize how hard it must be, when people ask you how come you haven't got children of your own? I can tell you: it hurts like hell. It sucks! It's not a good feeling at all... it can be very damaging indeed. Most of the time, the people asking, don't mean any harm. They are just trying to have a conversation and ask for the "obvious". But apparently it's not that obvious. Having children may not be that obvious at all. Sometimes the process can be really hard and the road to travel very long.  If only we could keep that in mind and support our friends and family that are so looking forward to having a little Prince or Princess of their own. An extra cuddle, some kind words and sympathy or small talk over a big mug of coffee. It's not that much to ask for. It's a delicate subject and there's not much you can do to help the other, but listen and understand. I care for you, my beautiful friend. I wish you all the best and all the luck in the world. My thumbs are still facing the stars. 

Things I enjoy always

• Pampering my family
• Cooking, not matter what time a day (or night)
• Baking, the process and the result, not necessarily eating it (I'm not that much of a sweet tooth)
• Meeting up with friends over lunch or/and dinner
• Talk about diabetes
• Surfing the Internet 
• Good readings on my Dexcom
• Hazelnut Creamer
• High heels (I don't mind the sore feet afterwards)
• Hugging our whippets
• A new haircut or a good manicure
• Traveling
• A nice bouquet of flowers, for no particular reason
• Family get togethers
• The US
• Movies based on true stories
• Buying cookbooks and reading them like novels
• Turn up the music in the car and sing along
• A clean house (but I hate cleaning house)
• Home made ravioli
• Diet coke
• Fine dining
• New outfits from my favorite store
• A perfect Latte Macchiato
• Sheep skin slippers
• Happy faces
• The sun

What makes you beautiful

Being a teenager can be challenging. Things are being expected. There's school, friends, home, maybe a job on the weekend, a boyfriend, chores, sports, .. sometimes there's so much going on, there's hardly any time for you. Time to relax, enjoy life, hang out on the couch and just be. Finding the right balance is a hard job.

I'm proud of you. You are very conscious of what's going on around you. Your antlers are always buzzing, picking up emotions and situations. You have a heart for others and you are sensitive for the people you love.
You lack energy and you need a lot of sleep. After all, being a teen asks a lot from you. I'm so happy to see you have a nutritious breakfast before you go to school: oatmeal, fruit, green tea. It is a good way to regain your energy. You take good care of yourself.

Today, your sister decided to make breakfast for you. It is your birthday! We dressed the table and lit some candles, to welcome you downstairs. You were surprised and excited about the gifts. It's good to see you smile. You have a wonderful night planned with your boyfriend. He will spend the night with us and we'll have tapas together. Maybe a movie later on that night.

A bright future is awaiting you. Maybe this Spring, you will pick up running again. Or maybe swimming? It would do you good. It would provide your body with oxygen and energy. You're growing, kiddo. You're no longer that cute little baby you once were. Just look at you... need I say more?

Love,

your mommy xx <3

On solid ground

Being in love for the very first time, is just the best feeling ever. You can feel your cheeks blush every time you think about him. You can't focus in school and it's like you are walking on roses. Your arms are too long and you're striding and skipping with a broad smile on your pretty face. People say you gloom and they see lights twinkling in your eyes. That's what love does to one.. It's a feeling you want to hold on to forever and "forever" is a word you use in most of your sentences now.

You get older. You have met different people and you start dreaming about a future. Maybe you want to meet more people and discover the world and enjoy your youth, before you commit to someone. You fall in and out of love and you just like to hang out with friends and have a date every night and then. Cuddles are welcome and you like the feeling of being loved. It's been a while since you've been truly in love.

You meet this one guy and you know this is the person you want to grow old with. It may sound boring and very predictable, but it feels right to you. You no longer doubt if the love is mutual, because you can tell this guy is not only madly in love with you, you feel the same about him. He supports you in whatever you do and you are interested in his dreams. Both of you look forward to the other half to come home from work. There is candle light and romance, there are serious conversations and no harsh words during discussions. There are comforting arms to hold you whenever you feel sad and there's a thumb pointing upwards to cheer the victories in life. He brings you flowers when you least expect it and he opens the door to the restaurant for you. You bring him goodies while he watches the sports channel on TV and you enjoy his enthusiasm even though soccer doesn't interest you at all. There's so much looking forward to going abroad on a vacation and you do nothing but relax and enjoy each other..

It's been some time since you first met. You think about the past and those first years together. Memorable moments cross your mind, some with tears, some with a smile and a wink. The butterflies are no longer present all the time. Things have changed. Love has presented itself in a different way. You understand each other better as time goes by. You share a past together and you're looking forward to a future. The children start living their own life and there are more moments to spend as a couple. It's like starting all over again. At times, you feel the butterflies have come back. It's a special feeling. It's a blessing.

Then there was nothing but silence..

They were sitting at the table, facing each other. The television was playing loud, showing a cycling event, and I could hear the comments of the reporters, making jokes and keeping a good eye on the cyclists at the same time.

They were quiet, having their prespread sandwiches. She got up from the table, shambled towards the bathroom, her bowl of soup in her hands. I sat on the bed and watched her manners. She would empty the bowl in the toilet, flush and come back to the table, to finish her early dinner. They sat there, in complete silence. He was looking at me, winking and I could see the corner of his mouth curl up. He continued to take little bites from his sandwich. I asked them what cold cuts they had been given. They had no idea. They forgot, I guess. They were not interested either. He said he preferred making his own sandwiches at a time that was more appropriate to be called dinner time.

A friendly lady walked into the room. She was in a hurry, I could tell. "Are you finished," she asked, while she was clearing the table. Maybe the answer was not important to her, since she didn't await the answer. Dinner was over. Time to take that handkerchief and wipe their mouths. She shuffled back to the bathroom to flush the toilet again. I asked why she got rid of the soup. She said she hated soup. She did like buttermilk porridge though.. I urged her to talk to the head nurse, to see if she could have porridge instead of soup. She gave me that special look, that needed no further explanation. I dropped the subject..

He was still sitting at the table, picking up little crumbs that were left on his placemat. He gathered as many as he could, to pile them up in one corner. She sat down again, waiting for the evening to come. Pretty soon, one of the nurses would come in to help them get into their jammies. It was only 5:00 PM. There wasn't much to say. It was not an unpleasant silence though. They didn't need words to understand one another. They had been together for so many years, they knew what the other was thinking. They looked outside the window, to see nothing but a dull wall and a garbage bin. I kissed them on the cheeks. I rubbed their back and wiped away a tear that had been stinging in the corner of my eye. I left their room, thankful for the love they felt for each other. Thankful, that at least they were together. Things could've been worse. They could have spent their days in a room with a total stranger, in a totally different kind of silence. Their silence was comforting. It was not to be dreaded..

I still miss you.. I miss your wisdom, your strength, your ability to be without speech.

Trying to read between the lines

He told me it was golden and its condition was immaculate. It was "only" 75.000 Belgian francs (we didn't have Euros back then). I thought that was a very reasonable price for a Triumph! After all, my former boyfriend drove a similar car, a Triumph Spitfire to be accurate. That car in mind, I agreed to buying my first second hand car.. It took many hours of labor in restaurants to purchase that car, but it was mine and I loved the freedom it gave me.

I'm peeking through the window. The black monster just turned around the corner. I can see its headlights glow in the early morning hours. You're holding the steering wheel with both hands, waiting for the bus to move on. I feel confident and proud. For the very first time, you're driving to school all by yourself. Not without a reason: last night, around 5:00 PM, you were staring at your computer screen, waiting for your school results to appear. And YES!! you did it! You succeeded for all classes. Your hard work paid off. So happy to hear that and what a relief.. There was no reason to go to school to discuss your grades, but you planned on going with your friends so you asked for the car.

A little bird has told me it won't be too long before you will buy your first second hand car. You're ready. You have some money in your bank account and your driver's licence in your pocket. We'll have to think about this and discuss the conditions, before we come to some agreement. I can relate to your desire to have a car of your own. It means freedom and independence and another step towards adulthood. After all, you're almost 19..

Off to work

I was sitting in the car in the parking lot, while you were inside for your job interview. No nail biting from my side, since I was pretty convinced you were going to be hired. It was only last week, you told us about this job opportunity. Not too far from home, weekend work, decent salary. Previously you had opted McDonald's, but we could tell you were not convinced yourself (and neither were we).

You pulled open the door of the car and your bright smile and the blemish on your cheeks, said it all: hired! The owner of the restaurant was very friendly and polite. You could start as soon as this Sunday. We needed to get you a black uniform, so you could wait the tables in style. You were happy your friend introduced you and you won't let her or your new employer down. They expect you this Sunday at 10:00 AM to inform you about their way of working. I told you about my very own experiences with waiting tables in a restaurant (I have done my share - 5 years of waiting tables damaged by back). It is hard work. It means no going out on weekends, it means sore feet and long working hours. It also means independence, extra money to spend, building confidence and a longer resume for future job interviews. It'll do you good. Last year, you worked in the kitchen of a retirement home and that was hard labor as well. Your employer was happy with your diligence and he asked you to come back next summer. You're not too sure.. you had room and boarding last summer, but you missed the Internet and your boyfriend. You'd rather work weekends than a month in summer. We'll see how you do. I'm sure you'll be polite and willing to do whatever they ask you to. You'll be exhausted when you get home, so it will require very good planning to get your schoolwork done before you go to work. Good luck kiddo!

Hands, touching hands

Hands, touching hands

Reaching out, touching me, touching you..

Humans are not made to live all by themselves. We need company to stay focused and nourish our inner selves. Being by yourself for too long, can make you sad and moody. You probably feel empty and blue and you long for someone to talk to. Someone to tell your stories to, to watch a movie with, to share a meal or to take for a walk.

This little girl is never alone. She has so many loving people surrounding her. She can't tell what she thinks or how she feels, but her wonderful smile when she hears your voice as soon as you open the door, is so comforting. She knows you're there. She knows she's not alone. It is reassuring that we know she always has someone around her. As soon as the garage door opens to let daddy's car in, I can see that little face light up! She just knows her daddy will come and hug her and tell her about his day at work. Mommy cannot leave the house without kissing her on the cheeks. She protests if the kiss is being forgotten. It is heartwarming to see little man hug and kiss his big sister whenever he comes home. He loves her so much and she loves him back, in her very own way.

I feel so honored to be part of this little girl's life. It is peaceful to have her in my lap and have her grab my finger before she closes her eyes for her afternoon nap. She's special. I can feel her love. Her heart is so big and she moves so many others. She's a true blessing..

Easy breezy

No one ever said it was going to be easy breezy. College is not a joke, it is hard work. You have never been used to studying really hard to get good grades.
Your brain is pretty good at soaking up

information like a sponge would do. It is a good thing that you are always in to learning new things. You dare to challenge yourself and your teachers, to go all the way to the bottom of the course. Your motto is: you can't learn what you don't understand. I envy you for thinking that way. Understanding what you learn, makes you think in a better way and helps you remember the contents of your classes. Nevertheless, going to College is still hard work. We haven't seen much of you lately. Studying for the upcoming exams is priority number one now. I try to pamper you with home cooked meals and treats and every now and then I take you out for lunch. Not too much distraction, because you don't want any of us keeping you from going through your books. I must say: I'm impressed. I know you want to be the best in what you do. So you go for it and you keep your nose in your books. Three exams have been completed so far. Six more to go. It will be tough but I'm sure you'll do well. You must be looking forward to those two weeks off by the end of January. Keep up the spirit girl! 

I can kick my own butt

I remember how impatient I was at the age of 18. I really wanted to get that driver's license as soon as possible. It would mean freedom, it would mean a milestone in my life. The day you turned 18, you didn't think much of getting a driver's license. You had your bus pass that brought you wherever you wanted to go or there was mom picking you up or driving you to places. I didn't understand. Why would you not want that independence?

One at a time, your friends started taking driving classes. In school, there was the opportunity to take your written exam and you passed right away. Cheer cheer! It was time to start taking classes. We decided both mom and dad would teach you the first classes, so you would build some confidence to drive with a teacher. I remember my first driving lesson: Never ever before had I had the steering wheel in my hands. My teacher couldn't believe me. He told me to start the car and hit the road and I felt pretty stupid and embarrassed that I had no idea how. He was very patient with me though, and it took me no more than 10 hours of driving to get my license. Things have changed quite a bit since then. I was so confident I was a good driver, but seriously: by no means was I able to face traffic. I knew how to shift gear and slam my breaks but come on, I couldn't drive at all! 10 hours of driving is by far not enough to get your permit.

Since you're in college, Bruges seemed like the best place for you to take classes. You finally decided it wasn't a bad idea after all, so you signed up and you set your goal: you wanted that licence before the end of the year. You cursed at yourself for failing in traffic at times and you would chew your lip if things were getting hectic. But overall you did real well. You listened to your teachers and you followed their advice. You even tried to correct us parents for not doing the right thing...

The date was set: you were going to do your driving test on Christmas Eve. I told you there were two options: either you would succeed or you would succeed with flying colors. I had no doubt you would go for the second option. Your teacher gave you 2 more hours of driving class right before the exam. Around 2:30 PM it was time for you to own that car and show the examiner you were in control. I was already on my way to Bruges to pick you up. 45 min after you started driving, I held my phone in my hands, to await your text message that you had passed. And you called and you laughed and then we both started to shout: woohoo!! Flying colors! Congrats sweetie! You just opened another door to a bright future. So proud of you! 

Scatterbrain

Honestly, I don't know what happened, but my mind is always distracted lately. I can't focus properly, I forget things and I don't seem to hear what people try to tell me. Too often I have to ask my friends to repeat what they have just said, because I missed parts of the conversation. It's like my brain is not keeping up with the thoughts?

I'm too busy doing a zillion things. I need to make priority lists so I can get things done before they get out of hand. So much running around, driving way too many miles in too little time. Rush rush in the rat race. I long for next week. I long for some quiet time.. My brain just doesn't stop talking to itself. There are so many things I need to remember and cannot forget. Forgive me for not hearing you or for asking things for the third time. I'm getting there. Today will be more organized. Maybe my hairdresser can massage my skull and let some tension drift off. A night out with my sister-in-law sounds very appealing, so we're heading towards the beauty salon together. Zen...

In that case you are totally hired

Broken oven door: fixed.
Vacuuming the house: done.
Removing cabinet door to the microwave to be fixed: check.
Ironing baskets full of laundry: perfect!
Making the house clutter free:  all righty!
Walking the dogs, day after day, cold or wet outside: sign me up.
Coming up with great ideas for Christmas presents: woohoo!
Going to work in between chores: always.

Thank you for doing all the things you do. It makes life easier x