Thursday, November 24, 2011

Size matters

It really does. I never thought I would say this, but size does matter. It makes a huge difference, if you wear a size 0 or a size 8. Oh you dirty minds! Did you really think I was going to discuss whatever you had in mind?? DUH!

No, seriously. In our society, size really matters. People look at you in a different way if you have a bigger size than what is seen as "normal". And trust me: any size bigger than a size 2 is being considered  a bigger size, unfortunately. It makes people feel insecure and it's not good for our selfesteem to be looked at as abnormal because of our size. Your size doesn't make you a better or a worse person, but people do treat you differently. I know, because I've been there. My selfworth was non existing when I had a larger size. It came back as my weight shrank, up to the point where I felt real confident. Until I heard that I was getting too skinny. That I needn't loose any more weight. Not by one person, but several people have told me to stop loosing weight. It's very confrontational. If you're bigger, you keep hearing that you absolutely need to loose weight (like you don't know that?). You do whatever you can to keep yourself from growing even bigger and people don't keep their comments to themselves. You know they give you that sad look when you pass them in the street. You know how they talk about you when they see you eat a treat. It hurts when the lady in the fitting room tells you they don't have that shirt in your size.. And then you start to loose weight. It finally comes off and you instantly feel better. You straighten your shoulders and the way you swing your hips is more appealing and even sexy. You hear compliments, but you can't accept them yet. Taking a look at your naked body in the mirror is still not your favorite pastime, but it's less hurtful when some pounds have gone.

What if your clothes size has dropped 5 sizes? Is that something to be proud of? I guess so. Yes, I can say I'm proud of me. But at the same time, I'm afraid to say so, because I know how hurtful it is to someone who is still in the bigger size section. I wouldn't want to offend them. I know what it feels like, after all, to be stared at and to be condemned. I don't want to be part of that society that judges people who are bigger or slimmer than the "normal" size. I love my bigger and slimmer friends for who they are and not for the size they have or don't have. There's more to life than weight issues, but I won't pretend those issues are not important..


Upje said...

En tóch blijf ik geloven dat de blikken van mensen, de zogezegde dubbele bodems in opmerkingen, de 'schuld' bij het eten van iets lekker vooral in jouw hoofd (en uiteraard bij uitbreiding van alle mensen met een paar kilootjes te veel) bestaan. Net zoals jij vindt dat wij dikke(re) mensen veel meer zijn dan ons gewicht, vonden wij dat vroeger ook van jou. Daar ben ik echt van overtuigd. Maar omdat je het zélf er zo lastig mee hebt, ga je ook geloven dat de hele wereld erop let.

(En dat begrijp ik natuurlijk als geen ander, maar dat weet je wel ... )

Bittersweet said...