Sunday, December 30, 2012

The first kiss..

It's been a while. Let's say, it's been a long, long time ago. That first kiss. So important, so frightening, so grown up. I had been longing for that kiss, dreaming about it. Who would be the first  one to kiss me? What would it feel like? What was I supposed to do? I read about it in the teen magazines and I would close my eyes in bed and imagine what it would feel like..

He was older than me. I think he must have been my sister's age. I only remember his first name and that he was blond and tall. I didn't even fancy him. But he gave me my first grown up kiss. He had been drinking. The only thing I could think of was: I hate the smell of beer.. His tongue touched mine. I had never realized how big a tongue could be. How intimidating it could feel. That first kiss wasn't special. It was not a kiss to remember, although I never forgot. But it meant I entered a completely new world: the world of the kissers! Finally I knew how to kiss and nothing could stop me from finding another boy, who didn't drink beer and who wasn't that tall that my neck hurt reaching for his lips.

It feels strange to go back in time and recapitulate. I let former boyfriends pass my mind and I try to remember their kisses. Did you ever keep notes on boyfriends? You know, like giving them scores and stuff? I did!!! I honestly did!!! It was hilarious to say the least. I would rate them on kissing, appearance, .. I kept that notebook for quite a long time. When a friend in Portland, Oregon laughed at my notebook, I thought it was time to let go. I wish I could scroll through that book again, to refresh my memory and see if reading about those boyfriends would bring back memories. It would help me understand my daughters I guess...

I'm no longer 14. Being 41 is somehow different. You have passed the stage of discovering new things. But I believe one is never too old to kiss. Kissing is wonderful and very intimate. It's like going back to basics and being completely in love again. I love being in love. I love to kiss.

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