Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Reality strikes

I met Suz on Facebook, through a mutual friend. We exchanged several mails and pretty soon, we realized we had so much in common. Suz is Canadian and she got married to her big love, Wilfried, who is half Belgian but lives in Holland. Looking through their marriage album, anyone can tell how happy they were on their wedding day.

Suz and Wilfried came to visit us around Christmas. There was not one minute of silence between us. We discussed recipes and we both spoke our favorite language: English. Wilfried had his coffee and I could see the admiration in his eyes, while observing the love of his life. These two were truly made for each other. You were so excited about your upcoming trip to Canada. You wanted to bring Wilfried along and show him your region. How sad were you, when the C-word came in the picture again and ruined your plans.

I knew about the C-word that had affected Suzy's life. When she told me her back hurt like crazy, she went to see several doctors and therapists. Her worst fear was back... oh Suz.. why? You were so happy with your Wilfried and your furry friends. The way you talked about your kitchen and the Creuset cooked meals for your husband, that really warmed my heart. You had to go back to the hospital. Things weren't going well, but you were courageous and determined and Wilfried was the most supportive man. Nearly every day, you posted a picture of you in the hospital, on Facebook. You wanted us to know how you were doing. People from all over the world supported you and we loved seeing how you continued to take care of yourself. Wilfried brought your own pillow cases, so you would feel at home. You found the energy to put on bright lipstick or make some decorative element in your hairdo. We loved your hats and you wore them like a queen!
You were so sorry to loose your hair again, but proud as you were, you could put that pride aside and take off your blonde wig. That's you, Suz. Just the way you are: nothing to hide. Your inner beauty is plenty. It made us forget the baldness. You were very good at staying strong and keeping your calm although your inner fear must have been so big. We all knew how much you loved Wilfried. You saw his sadness and you didn't want him to suffer..

I hadn't read much from you in the last two weeks. You didn't post any pictures and you didn't write down your thoughts. That was worrisome. When Wilfried posted some updates, we all realized things weren't going right. Your energy levels were dropping and you were getting sicker.

Today Wilfried had to make the most difficult decision ever. Medication was not kicking in and the doctors had told him there was not much left they could do. I'm so happy Suz had talked this over with Wilfried. The doctors have put Suz in a deep sleep, to make sure she won't have any more pain. It might be a matter of days. This is so sad, but it's the last Wilfried can do for his lovely wife. What a brave man. What a brave couple. Don't be sad, he says. It has been enough. Suz is done fighting. She needs peace now..

Dear Suz, I had no idea this would affect me so much. One moment, you were sitting around my coffee table. Now you're in a deep sleep. We didn't have time to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye. I want to read you, I want to see your pictures and your wonderful smile. I want to see your hairbands and your lipstick and I want Wilfried to polish your toenails. You're done fighting Suz. You have done so much, but there's nothing more you can do. You are loved by so many and so is Wilfried. Your love will always remain.. Then why is there this ugly lump in my throat?

Your wedding picture says: All I want to do, is grow old with you.. I'm so sorry for the both of you. May 2012 was such a great month for you both. I'm so happy you finally got to marry this wonderful man... Keep an eye on  him, Suz. I'm sure you will inspire many people from wherever you are..

R.I.P. Suz lost this valiant battle May 23.. 


Scott K. Johnson said...

I'm so sorry.

Cathy Van de Moortele said...

I still can't believe she's gone. I think of her a lot, especially when I'm trying out new recipes.. She was a lovely person.