Saturday, July 18, 2009

The tone of your voice

Children listen to peoples voices. Not the words are important. It's the tone of your voice that attracts their attention.

Ever watched a baby, turning its head to listen to mommy mumble or daddy hum a song? They recognize your voice out of many other voices. They don't understand the words yet, but they can tell a friendly voice from a harsh one. Quite often, I hear moms say, their children don't listen. Is it because the children are obnoxious or naughty? I don't think so. Children - especially young children - really want to please their parents and they are more than willing to do whatever you ask them to do. Sometimes, children are occupied in their game and they don't hear you right away. That's when we tend to raise our voice and repeat our question in a higher and louder tone. It might scare the child, hearing the loud voice, but not paying attention to the words in it. Could it be a better option, to sit down with your child, play along for a while, and then get their attention by looking them in the eye and ask them what you want from then, using a quiet and calm voice? There's a good possibility they will give you the answer you want to hear.

Compare it to being at work. Would you jump up if your boss yelled at you? Yes, maybe you would, because he's scary and you fear to loose the job. But really, would it appeal to you to help him out if you're yelled at? I don't think so.. It's not sane to be afraid of others and do whatever they order you to, just because their voice is louder than yours. If we do the same with our children, we teach them to be scared and to respond whenever someone yells at them. I hope your children are assertive enough to ignore loud voices. They deserve to be treated with respect, just like we deserve to be treated in a fine manner. It is our job to teach them to stand up for themselves and to be respected.

I have been a kindergarten teacher for 4 months only. Teaching 2.5 year olds isn't easy. Classes of 25 children of that age can be sheer horror to many. But you know what? We had an agreement. If I wanted the kids to tidy up, I played the flute and I played this one particular song that they all loved. Immediately, they told one another it was time to put the toys or whatever they were playing with, away. No fighting, no yelling, no disobeying. Just happy kids, doing their best to tidy up their classroom. I remember my principal coming in one day, tip toeing. She asked me what was wrong in my class? All the other classes were very noisy, mine was quiet and calm. She asked if the children were punished. I laughed and I said: Punished? Why? They are enjoying themselves, cleaning up. She didn't understand.. She was very good at yelling though. She yelled at me at multiple occasions, about my agenda, about my method of teaching. She complained about me playing the flute in class (this was kindergarten, she said, not music class!), taking the children for walks in the wonderful garden the school was in (did I prefer walks or teaching? she asked), teaching the toddlers English nursery rhymes (didn't I know that Dutch was their mother tongue?).. Does it surprise you, that I no longer wanted to be a teacher.. I guess I didn't like the tone of her voice..




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