Saturday, March 20, 2010

You can make a difference

I'm really puzzled. Many couples amongst my friends have divorced or separated. Some couples I would agree they'd better separate. If they have done everything they could to make their relationship work and there's still no improvement, it's better to call it a quit. If only things were that easy..

My heart bleeds when I hear the story of separated parents or parents in the midst of breaking up. How they no longer grant the happiness of their former spouse. How they badmouth their ex. How they refuse to see the children, just to get back at her. How she steals away his right to see the children, because she wants to make him pay for cheating on her.. It's sad. It really is. Because in the end, it leaves all people involved with an overall unhappy and frustrated life.

Why is it so hard for people to move on, once they have split up? What's the use in making the other's life so troubled? Does it bring the other back? Not at all. Does it make them feel better to take revenge? I don't think so. Maybe temporarily. Is it hurt ego? Probably. But then why is it mostly the man, who decided to leave his wife, who can't cope with the final decision of being separated? Why can't those men let go, so both of them can start a new life?

People say I would speak otherwise if I were in their shoes. That's possible. I'm glad I'm not in their shoes. We can't predict the future and the "until death do us part" - wedding vows are words I never believed in. We never know what is going to happen or what could come between us. If there are no children involved, things may be easier. My heart goes out to the children of a broken home. Especially those, who have parents that could care less if the other gets hurt or sick. After all, the child is still the product of both these parents. It's not their fault that they look after mom or dad. Imagine hearing on a daily basis what a drag your mom is or what a cheat your father is.. It's so damaging..

It's heartbreaking that people, who once loved each other deeply, are now ready to emotionally and/or financially bankrupt the other half. Refusing to pay child support is only to get even with their former partner. It's not the children's fault, so why pretending they are no longer yours? Take it or leave it, but even after separating, the children will always be your children. Even if they get stepparents. You will have to trust that stepparent with your child, so you'd better come to terms with them. Scolding the new partner in front of the kids and then sending your kids over there to spend the weekend, is not very exciting for your children. After all, they will spend quite some time in that new household. The separation of their parents is traumatic enough. Don't give them a new trauma by undermining the position of the plusmom/dad. After all, weren't you happy your partner got out of your life? Then you should embrace his new partner for having him and wish her all the luck.


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