Thursday, August 22, 2013

Stay focused!

We were having our talk over lunch at Milano's in Antwerp (check the link - you have to go and try out their menu - you won't regret it) when I told my friend about how difficult it was to stay focused at times. He was looking at me with recognition and his mouth open wide. Do you really think this is diabetes related? Are we the only diabetics who get lows when too many impulses hit in? Like standing in line at Ikea or picking out shoes or having a cooking workshop surrounded by nothing but good food and 10 people asking questions? Been there! Those moments really suck! They happen at work when Kiddo needs my full attention and they happen at job interviews or other important conversations like in a meeting with your doctor. The lows smack you in the face and they make you numb and it's getting harder to talk in a normal way. All eyes are set on you and you hear voices but you have no idea who's speaking. It's like the voices are further away and your head is empty like a scooped out coconut. You have your juice and you need some time to recover but guess what: there is no time! These are just random situations you cannot just sit down and wish for the low to go visit someone else. The more you keep going, the deeper your low gets and the worse you feel. You start making mistakes (it's not the best plan to make payments at this time), you can no longer answer to simple questions because your brain blocks. They go into survival mode and nothing else but sugar is important.

Before I got diagnosed with D, I was really good at organizing things and do 12 things at the same time. Having to admit it's not that easy any more, is hard. You keep trying and you don't want to give in (or up), but those are moments D rules, no matter how hard you fight it. Some days, it's like I can't get anything done, because I can't remember what to do first. So I make lists and I check off the things I have done (some days I can only check off one item), but there are always so many more to complete. Screw you D. You're a very badass at times. I have to embrace you and love you, for you are always with me, but sometimes I really want to punch you in the face. You won't get me. I'll find ways to get around the problem, trust me. I don't give up that easily. There's too many of us out there. We will beat you one day, remember that. We will beat you!

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