Sunday, November 17, 2013

If you don't know me by now

I can take a lot. I can even take a lot of crap. But I have a breaking point, like most of you. I have to take care of myself and protect my boundaries, since previous experiences have taught me that trop is too much.

Part of what I like to do, is taking care of people. Let's say I am the nursing kind of girl. It is always to my concern that my beloved ones and friends feel well. I like to take care of them and I'm there if they need a cuddle or a chat. I'm lucky to have friends with good shoulders to cry on once I have reached my limits. Sometimes it's just been too much. Too much running around, too little time for me. Too much sorrow and not enough happy times. Nobody is to blame. That's just life. It is what it is and I'm okay with that. As long as I have a way to vent, time to relax and let go. I need things I like to do, to refuel my body and mind, so I can move on. Every now and then, my engine slows down and the tank needs refueling. That's when it becomes tricky. Do I go on or do I slam my brakes? It is a fine line, but I know that when I cross that line, I fall apart... And the thing is: I have no time to fall apart. I need to keep going. Too many things need to be done and too many people depend on me.

The last months have been hectic. One daughter moved house and started college. The other daughter stayed at home and had to get used to being the only daughter around. I started my job as a Tupperware consultant in August. It takes time and effort to start your own business. There are extra things to worry about and you need to build a customer base. Work meetings on Monday evenings, Training Sessions on Tuesday nights after a 9 hour work day, culinary parties with customers, dates with friends, family gatherings. Around that same time, I started working extra hours looking after that sweet little Princess. Being who I am, I still want to feed my family home cooked meals, have their laundry done and take them wherever they need to go. I don't want to give up on my diabetic friends either and I still put effort in preparing myself for my lectures on my life as a diabetic. I have always found it hard to ask others for help. It's just not something I like to do. The people that know me well, can read between the lines. They know when to sound the alarm. It's like they have a sixth sense. They text me or give me a phone call, when they sense something is not right. And then, right out of the blue, the bubble bursts and the stress founds it way out. It is some sort of relief of built up stress. It is a warning to slow down and to ask for help. My back is killing me and that is another sign my body gives me this time of year. For a number of years now, my back has been giving me extra pain once the cold weather has announced its arrival. The holidays are coming back too and they are not my favorite time of year either. If only we could go to Florida now. If only there would be some well deserved sun and time to relax.

But guess what? Dreaming is not the best solution. I have to get a grip on life again, straighten my back and broaden my shoulders. Times will be hectic for a while now. I know that. Still finding a way to cope with that. All ideas are welcome!

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