Sunday, May 10, 2009

No one is to blame

Today is Mother's Day. It's supposed to be a fun day, and children celebrate the mother they love. To me, Mother's Day is always a day of mixed feelings. I haven't spoken to my mother in 12 years. The bond has been broken and can never be mended. Too much has happened and no one is to blame. So many things were left unspoken, discussions were taboo. Children don't always have to agree with their parents. You're entitled to an opinion of your own. But not in my family. It was my mother's way, or the highway. I did everything her way, until I was 22 and on my way home from my au pair year in the US. I knew things were never going to be the same. I had spent a wonderful time with a very loving family, in Chelmsford, Massachusetts. What an eye opener it was to me, to see that people can debate over almost anything, but still love one another... I had never realised that before and it was a very strange sensation to me. It made me reflect on my youth and I got very emotional over it. Things could have been so different. But we can't turn back times, can we?

From then on, things did change. My mom would never accept me for who I was and she would not see me as the adult I had become. She wasn't ready to let go, she wasn't ready to cut the umbilical cord. But I was, more than ever.. So she gave me the choice: move out and never come back or stay and do as I was told. Meaning: staying at home until I was married (don't you need a boyfriend to get married?), getting a job as a teacher (I never wanted to be a teacher in the first place!) and give up my social life (if you have a curfew to be in by midnight at the age of 22, you have no social life, believe me..). I said goodbye to my family and that was the point of no return. 

We have 2 beautiful daughters now and we are very proud of them. I hope I will be mature enough to give my children the freedom they deserve, so they can live the lives they wish to lead. They need to feel loved, in order to set them free and discover the world. I love them very deeply and I would be devastated if anything would happen to them.

So Mother's Day is a day of mixed feelings. I'm blessed to have 2 bright and pretty girls and I appreciate them for who they are. Why can my own mother not accept me for who I am.. Why is that too much to ask..

4 comments:

Upje said...

Het zijn vaak alleen de sterke moeders die hun kinderen kunnen loslaten, meid. Er wordt vaak gezegd: je kunt dat als je merkt dat je kinderen dat aankunnen. Maar mijn persoonlijke mening is dus anders. Dat klopt, maar alleen als de moeder sterk is.

Daar is het bij jouw moeder misgegaan. En daar zal het bij jullie allemaal wel loslopen.

Dikke moederdagkus,
voor een mama zoals ik er ook ooit één wil worden,

xxx

Anonymous said...

xxxxxxxxxx

www.kokenenhogehakken.blogspot.be said...

thank you, both of you..

www.kokenenhogehakken.blogspot.be said...

Hilde,
je mag gerust reageren op mijn topics, daar heb ik geen enkel probleem mee. Vind het eigenlijk wel straf dat je interesse hebt in mijn blog. Ik heb nooit eerder het gevoel had dat mijn leven jou interesseerde. Wat niet was, kan altijd komen hè?

Jij kan niet weten wat er tussen ma en ik voorgevallen is, want je was er niet bij.

Hmhm...ik mijn vieze gal spuwen bij vrienden en kennissen? Ik denk niet dat wij gemeenschappelijke vrienden en kennissen hebben. En ik verkondig niet dat mijn kinderen hun grootouders niet mogen zien, op advies van een advocaat. Dus wie spuugt er gal over wie? Ik verkondig ook niet tegen mijn kinderen dat hun grootouders dood zijn. Dus wie spuugt er gal over wie?

Voor het eerst hoor ik een compliment van jou over mij. En dat doet deugd :-) Engels is inderdaad mijn favoriete taal en ik ben er goed in. Tof om te horen dat je het daar toch mee eens bent.

Groeten van je zus, die ook in eer en geweten getuigt over haar belevingen.