Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Blend in to the wallpaper

I wish I could blend in to the wallpaper... I feel ashamed about my weight. My body doesn't feel like me anymore. It's like living in somebody else's body, like some stranger has taken over my body. I don't recognize me. I don't want to be me right now...
I asked my endocrinologist what we could do about it. He told me it's time to accept my weight. He also told me it's not my fault... It's the diabetes type 1, the insulin resistance, the slow metabolism and the slow digestion. No diet, diet pills or exercise can help me lose weight. Been there, done that. My doctor has confirmed it's very, very hard to lose weight if you have these extra complications. He feels sorry for me, but he can't do much else but comfort me.
I know it's not my fault. I didn't need anyone to tell me so, because I know I don't eat that much and I'm not a fat eater nor a sugar lover. It's good to see it confirmed by a reputable professor, but that doesn't help me to lose any weight, does it?

I'm confused. This is not like anything I had expected from my visit to the doctor. I wish he would have had at least one solution for me. There aren't any. At least not yet, he told me. I have accepted my diabetes and I think I can live a good life with it, although a life without D could be better, without any questions. It's hard to accept the overweight though. It's not something I can grasp right now. It makes me sad, very sad. I feel lost..

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