The latest notes I read about you, say that you are still not happy. You feel lost. You feel alone and school hasn't been what you expected from it. It's hard and it takes a lot of studying. You are tired. You are fed up with all the crap you need to take from people you don't want to take crap from in the first place.
I feel you are sliding away again. You cry for help and you have the feeling nobody's listening to you. I hear you though. I know you need help. But then again, you refuse to be helped. It's so hard to read you or to find out what kind of help you exactly need.
I'm scared. Your actions scare me. I fear the day I will be notified that you didn't make it. Please, don't let things go that far. It's been enough. You have gone through so many ordeals. You need help, you really do. Stop fighting and surrender. I hope you will find the courage to get the help you need..