Sunday, July 31, 2011

The reason why

For about 6 months, I took care of you and your (at the time) 4 siblings. There were two of us, two au pairs, to take care of you all.
There was your oldest brother, a very bright kid and very responsible. He was eager to learn and he always got good grades. Your sister just started primary school and reading and writing was what she liked to do best. She was a very pretty girl with long, black, shiny hair. I loved to read to her when she was ready to go to bed. This brother and sister were very good at playing the piano together, dressed in their best outfits.
The next in line was another boy. A bit more shy but at the same time full of life and sometimes mischief. Not meant in a bad way, he was just a little boy who liked to have fun and fool around. He loved to play in his room and the two of us had long conversations.
Then there was you. You had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. I still have your pictures. All of you children had special names, but yours I had never heard before. You were a special little boy, only 3 at the time. You liked to cuddle and I always thought you would break many hearts because the girls would fall for you by the dozen.. You liked to sit in my lap and we would sing songs together.
Your baby sister just learned how to walk. She was the little princess of the house and we all liked to pamper her.
I got to know my husband and I got pregnant. I left your house. Later, I learned you got another baby sister. There were 6 of you then. A beautiful family in a house like a castle..

I heard the awful news just the other day. It hit me in the face. It was so surreal. You decided you no longer wanted to remain in this world. What happened that life wasn't worth living any more? Why, sweet little boy.. why? I assume you had your reasons and maybe life wasn't that good for you as people thought. I hear you had so many friends. They will all miss you. So will your family. You will always remain one of 6. To me, you will always be that little boy with the bright eyes and the wonderful smile. RIP Augustin. I hope you will find the tranquillity you needed so desperately..

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