Saturday, January 19, 2013

Listen! Just listen for a change!

I love you. I really do. You are my friend and I like to spend time with you. We laugh and we cry, we cuddle and babble. But oh how do I hate your disrespect when it comes to following up appointments.. I was so looking forward to seeing you and hearing about your life. At the same time, I was dreading and fearing that you would postpone the date or come late or change the hour or place of meeting. It made me nervous and it gave me mixed feelings about the date. I know it's not of any importance to you. You could care less, to be exact. If only we meet, you keep saying. To you, it's not important if we meet at 7 PM or 9 PM. It doesn't matter to you if you postpone a date 4 times for reasons I can't even remember. Reasons I can't remember, because they are nothing but fallacies. You give me the feeling that I am not important to you. You have other priorities. That's okay, it's your life. You can have your own priorities. Can I have mine too?

Yes, it would be nice if we could talk about this and NO, I don't want to talk about it. You always give me a bad feeling when we try to discuss this subject, like I'm some hysterical woman who can't deal with changes in her schedule. It's not about that one single time you choose a different location one hour before we meet. It's about the previous 99 times I waited for you, without avail. I'm just fed up with rearranging my schedule for you. I could care less if I eat at 8 PM or 10 PM, if we meet in this restaurant or another one. That's not the point. The point is, that you don't hear me. You don't respect me. And I give in, every time. I wait in the car for 45 minutes, biting my nails and getting all wound up. I don't want to do this any more. I thought we had an agreement. Why can't you, just for once, keep an appointment the way it was meant to be..

I'm sad. I'm disappointed. You hurt my feelings. I still love you though. I want to spend time with you. I want to slap you in the face, but I would never do so. I have to let go of this aggravation before it starts to eat me. I need you to apologize. I need to hear from you that you are sorry.
Just listen to me. LISTEN TO ME!

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