Look your best

I finally saved enough money to treat myself with a brand new digital camera. How I have longed for a good camera! I love to take pictures. My last camera failed on me on several occasions and needed 2 new batteries for every 8 pictures I took. So I guess the girls will have a new toy to play with. 

So I checked out some different types and a good friend of mine suggested Canon as the best in the field. I think the camera looks pretty smart and I hope it won't be too sophisticated for me. Because it's my first reflex camera and I'm sure I'll need a lot of practice to use it to its full capacity. 

The Canon EOS 1000D was chosen camera of the year 2008-2009 so I'm pretty confident that it will be a good appliance. Can't wait for the battery to be fully loaded! Let's go out and take some  pictures! 

Traffic Tourette's

Children mimic their parents. So do mine. But not always in my benefit. 

As you may well know, patience is not my best virtue. In fact, I'm the most impatient person around. Really. I have a real problem with people holding up traffic. Then I show signs of Traffic Tourette's, meaning I curse and swear and call the drivers in front of me names. Bad names. Not to be repeated..

Until my 12 yo yells the same expressions, when a slow driver is crossing the street. She yells: move out of the way, farmer! you shouldn't leave your farm!

I'm embarrassed..deeply embarrassed. 

You might think..

that I don't want to go to bed early because of you.. But that's not the case. I'm scared. In fact I'm terrified. I have had so many nightly lows the last months, and I mean low-low (like in the 20s), that I'm anxious to go to bed. I'm afraid my hypo will be so low, that I won't wake up and go into a coma. You are never aware of my lows at night and that scares me even more. Will you realise it, when I'm unconscious? Will you know what to do? What if you have the early shift that day and the kids find me? It freaks me out, it really does.. So I stay up as long as I can. If I don't sleep, I don't have to be afraid that a low won't wake me up. And every time I wake up at night, I poke my finger to check my blood for lows.. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.

I have never passed out before, when I had a low, because mostly I woke up just in time. That's probably what scares me the most: not having had the experience of passing out. Not knowing how it feels or what it does to your body. Well, I don't want to have the first passing out experience at night! I remember being in the hospital at one point, and I asked my endocrinologist to give me an overdose of insulin, just so I could experience a low with passing out. But she wouldn't do it. I thought it was the safest place to try it out, because they would be there to bring me back. But she didn't give in.. So I'm still stuck with this same feeling..

I don't blame you for not understanding how lows feel. You are not a diabetic and although you might know the theory, you haven't been there. Can I expect you to understand it? I tell you in the morning if I had a low at night, but I don't know how you feel about that. Because you don't tell me..

When I saw Dr. Feelgood the other day, he told me to raise my basal pattern in the early morning. I warned him that I would experience even more nightly lows if I did so. But you agreed with him.. you said he was right, because my A1c level is still not below 7%. I thought, of all people, you should be the one that knows how hard I try to get good control. That comment really hurt me. You are supposed to back me up, especially because I do the best I can.

Of course I could lower my basal pattern again, for the night. But I do want a lower A1c! I want you to be proud of me. I want good control. I'm scared of complications, due to high A1c levels. 

I just need you to hold me, and tell me everything is going to be okay..

Let's kiss and make up

When we were kids, my brother and sister and I used to fight over everything. Stupid issues, but that's what kids fight about, right? Whenever my dad would enter the room, he would say we had to kiss and make up. How I hated that phrase!! I never wanted to kiss and make up! I wanted him to listen to me and hear why we were fighting. I wanted him for once in a life time, to listen to us, children, to hear what we had to say. But he never did.. I guess it was the easiest way out for him. He was never really good with solving issues. Neither was my mom. They always thought moving on was the best solution. It lead to major issues that until now, have not been  solved. 

I never learned how to solve conflicts. It's not easy. It's easier to run from the problem than to deal with it. But experience tells me, that it's not the best solution. Because after all, the problems won't go away, on the contrary, they will haunt you. 

So nowadays, I'm still not a fan of kiss and make up. I want to kiss and make up, after we have solved the issue. And I'm still learning. I want to do better. 

So far away

I can't seem to reach you, you are so far away. 

I don't know what you think, how you feel, because you won't let me in. 

If only I could read your mind. It would be such a help. 

After 15 years, I still don't know you well enough. 

But we have a life time ahead of us to get to know one another. 

And that means it will never get boring. 

Because every once in a while, I discover a new part of you. 

You amaze me at times. 

You are special to me.

Young talent

The Internet is a great medium for young talent. They can upload their video on You Tube and show the world how talented they are.

Today, three young singers got my attention. The English 10 yo Hollie Steel , the Australian Troye Sivan who is 13 and the 15 yo Declan Galbraith.  They have great voices and I adore them already.  

I bought Troye's cd right away. Maybe you should too!

Declan also has a cd. I'd better order that one too. 

Fortune cookies

I have never believed in fortune tellers, until I met this witch doctor who wanted to predict my future, in Potchefstroom, South-Africa. He was old, really old and had barely any clothes on. He held a leather pouch in his hand, and the content of that pouch was about to predict my future.

He made me sit, while he closed his eyes and started to chant. At the time, I thought it was really funny. I was 18 back then and didn't know anything about witch craft. He opened the pouch and started to divide the different objects in sections. I remember seeing the skull of a small bird, the tooth of a lion, a feather of a vulture, a wheel of a matchbox car and a couple of building bricks of Lego, amongst some other things I don't remember.

He looked me right in the eye and got my attention. The chanting went on and I thought it was still kinda funny. Until he said my grandmother had died from the complications of diabetes. Bang! That my grandfather died a couple of months later, because he couldn't live without grandma. Bang again! I had a hard time to swallow and it made me feel a little awkward. 

He went on and said that I had bad knees, caused by a fall. A third bang hit me.. Cheese and rice! what had I gotten myself into??? This was no longer funny..

He asked me for my watch, and I gave it to him. I told him the battery died some days ago, so it wouldn't be of much use to him. He gave me this creepy look and I shut up.. Rubbing the watch between his skinny brown fingers, he said he was ready to talk about my future. I stood up and left.. I never heard what he had to say. 

I think I will stick to the little notes in fortune cookies. They are innocent. They are fun to read. They contain no truth. And they taste good. Without any aftertaste.

Economic vegetarians

I've never been that fond of meat, although the only meat I really love, is.. raw meat.. Carpaccio and steak are my favorite meat dishes. The steak can be baked, but just for one minute on each side. 

Before I was diagnosed with diabetes, I didn't eat veggies. I didn't like them nor did I like fruit. 

People have told me that once you are forced to eat healthy food, you won't go back to junk food. And I must say: in my case, they are absolutely right. I can't imagine my diet without vegetables or fruit anymore. They are the main products in my meals nowadays. 

Meat is not the best choice when you have a slow digestion. My body tells me when I have eaten meat. I feel weird and my intestines aren't happy. So I forget about the meat. 

Do you know how expensive meat is? Especially the meat I like? If you are fond of pork, prices are reasonable. But for quite a few years now, I try to cut back on pork. I'm crazy, you all know that, and I like to make monthly menus of what we are going to have for breakfast - lunch - dinner in the month to come. That's when I realised how much pork we ate. And I wanted to change that. So far so good. But now I'm not only skipping on pork, but also on other kinds of meat. I feel better and it gives me extra money to spend on fresh greens and fruit of all sorts.

Does that mean I'm an economic vegetarian? 

Who's that girl?

Where's my baby...where is the little girl that came into this world, 3 weeks earlier than expected? Where has she gone? When did she begin to grow so tall? 

We planned this pregnancy very carefully. We wanted another baby to love and honour. We wanted you.  And you were everything we longed for. 

You're 12 now. You have your own bank account and social security number. You have a pin code to pay for your own little treats. Many kids want to be your friend, because you are such a fun person to hang out with. Your friends come see you when they are in trouble. They tell you their most secret stories and you keep them to yourself. You are very likable and unique.

You are going away soon. You have picked a boarding school you wish to attend in September. I will miss you big time. And I know you will miss me back. Because we are so much alike. You are a mini-version of me, but better. More refined. More tolerant. More you, than me. I love you for who you are. You're my girl..

I believe

I believe in me.

I believe in people.

I believe in friendship.

I believe in love.

I believe in the innocence of newborns.

I believe in the honesty of a child.

I believe in charity..

but I don't believe in church. I don't need a church to tell right from wrong. I don't need a priest to tell me how to live my life. I don't need a pope who doesn't understand about AIDS. I don't need some preacher to tell me I'm going to go to hell if I don't attend church. I don't need any religion to hold onto, when I'm not feeling well.

I'm glad my children have a mind of their own. I'm glad we didn't force them to go to church. I'm glad they are good girls, and they value other people. They are caring and loving and not into harming other people. They are not religious. And that's okay. And they will not burn in hell either..

I have faith they will grow up to become valuable, well mannered women, with a heart for their beloved ones. And that's what matters to me.

What I like about you

I think I met you 9 years ago. You turned 40 and I was 29. You were single, I was married with two children. I loved you right away. You have a vibrant personality and you always seem to get my attention. I look up to you and cherish your advice. You are mature and pure and well mannered. You respect me. You are a gentleman. You know about life, because you have been there. We always talk about how we are going to go to South-Africa. Or to the States, because we love the same countries. We share the same love for Californian Chardonnay and excellent food. You are the only person who can criticize me, without upsetting me. Because I value you. And I know your comments are true and for my own good. 

You make me feel like a queen, whenever I am in your presence. It comes natural, and you don't brag about it. It's just who you are..

I never believed in friendship between a woman and a man, without being romantically involved. I do now. You showed me it is possible. And I would never jeopardise this friendship. Because I would miss you terribly. You are special. I'm a lucky woman. 

Men and white socks

What is this thing with men and white socks? It's not typical Belgian, I've seen it in every country I have been to. White socks are meant for sports. Period. Men tend to exaggerate and especially men wearing white socks. Like it's not bad enough, they will not only wear white socks, they will wear them in brown sandals! DUH! Preferably, they will also wear pants that are too short, so they can show off their pathetic white socks. The waistbands of their pants are usually too wide, so they need a belt to hold up their pants. Ever seen a man in armpit pants? That's how we call pants that are being pulled up to the armpits. Of course you need to tuck your sweater in when you wear armpit pants. And then you strap your belt as tight as you can. Don't forget the rabbit's tail on the key chain, tangling down your belt loop! Just to finish of the look. Because it is a look, after all. 

Men in white socks tend to have Lego hair as well. Most of the time, their hair is getting thinner and some skull is peeping through. So they comb their hair from one ear to the other and then spit in their hands to glue their hair to their heads. 

I would never ever marry a man in white socks. Unless he plays tennis. Like mine.. So he is allowed to wear white socks, in white tennis shoes. 

Alive

The other day, I heard Pearl Jam's "Alive" on the radio and it gave me a broad smile. Down Memory Lane... Portland, Oregon, 1992. I went to the US to work as an au pair for a 3 yo old girl. She was cute. I met her cousin. He was cute too. He was 22.. His favorite song was "Alive" and his adoration of the song was contagious. Whenever I hear the song, I'm back in Portland, Oregon. And I'm back to being 21 again..

Eye see you

I was not even 24 when I gave birth to our first daughter. I was living by myself at the time, when I met a wonderful man. We went out on a date and the next day, he moved in, suitcases and all. Two weeks later, I was pregnant. We were delighted to have this first baby of ours, although we had not known each other that long. But the sparkle in his eyes won my heart. He was the man I wanted to be with and he was going to be the father of my children. 

It wasn't easy being pregnant, in between jobs, and no savings to buy the essentials for the baby. But we did just fine. My in-laws are great people and they welcomed me with open arms. I gave them their first grandchild, the first in a row of 9. 

From the moment I saw my little baby girl, I fell in love with her. She was perfect. Lana had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. She was so tiny, born 3 weeks before D-day, but she was absolutely healthy and gorgeous. She looked at me, when she was being breastfed, and it was like she said: I see you, mommy, I see you. And I couldn't keep my eyes of her..

Note: Lana took this picture of herself with her cell phone

Stuffed turkey

It's 1 a.m. and our friends just left. I feel like a stuffed turkey... I ate too much, I had too much to drink and I'm very warm. Hubby just went off to bed, after he cleaned up and I want to check my computer before I'm going to get some sleep.

It's been a great day. Our friends were 2 hours late, because they were caught in a traffic jam. Poor them.. It took them way too long to get here and they were exhausted by the time they got here. I should've driven up the road to meet them halfway, so we could have a pick nick!

But in the end, they got here and I was so happy to see them. We cuddled and we laughed and we had a great time together. I always value their company of a real high standard. They are great people. And they brought me some wonderful presents! Not one, many. For example, the most extraordinary vase I have ever seen, a gorgeous bouquet of long-stemmed white roses, a big tote bag full of Italian goodies (asparagus pasta? I'm anxious to cook those!) and two colorful rubber duckies for the girls - to complete their collection.  

We had a wonderful meal. First we had cocktails and tapas. As a starter, there was the choice of marinated prawn salad with a sticky balsamic dressing or tender tandoori chicken spinach wrap. The main course was pork tenderloin, stuffed with spinach and carrots, covered in mushroom cream sauce, accompanied by French fries, oven baked garlic tomatoes and individual portions of oven baked scalloped root celery- sweet potato casserole. The homemade Italian breadrolls were delicious, with little speckles of sundried tomato and basil, topped with real butter and fresh ground pepper. YUMMIE!

Our guests could choose between homemade chocolate mousse, double chocolate pudding or toffee ice cream with homemade fudge and homemade caramel syrup for dessert.

I'm so happy we finally had another great time together, as I have missed my friends for too long..

Boyz in da house

Today, 4 good friends are coming over, to check out the new look of our house. In 1997, we bought this 100 year old house, in a small town in East-Flanders. There was basically no luxury in the house, meaning just basic electricity, no water, no central heating, no isolation, no nothing. But we thought it was a good price and we were willing to put a lot of effort in the house. It has a large backyard and our town is a delight to live in. Over here, you can still leave your car unlocked in front of the house, in a manner of speaking. 

It took us many years to decide what we wanted to do with the house. But we finally stripped the facade and replaced it with new bricks, a new front door and new windows. And we like it a lot!

A couple of months ago, my father-in-law and hubby pulled up their sleeves and started to sand down the walls so they could paper the walls and paint the interior. A good friend of ours helped us to choose the right colors. He's an interior designer and he's so good with colors! 

Anyway, that same friend, both his brothers and their mom, are coming over to see the results of our hard labor. And I'm going to cook for them. They are very good hosts themselves. They always treat us like royalty whenever we go over to visit them. So now it's our turn to pamper them. I can't wait to see them! All 4 of them are very special to me and I love them. We hug and we chat and love each other as good friends do. And I know I can depend on them. Whenever I'm in trouble or in need of a comforting shoulder, I know who to call.

Trading food with the States

A couple of weeks ago, I met a wonderful family from Indiana, US, on the Internet. The father's family is originally Dutch. He did change his last name by one letter, to make it more American, but he still has Dutch genes, that he cannot deny. Most of his family members have chosen Dutch spouses over American women, but this handsome man picked out a beautiful American lady. 

We have had a couple of email contacts now and this lady friend of mine, told me her husband just LOVES Gouda cheese from Holland. They even bring it from the island of St-Maarten when they go there on a holiday.

We decided to trade food. I will send them a good portion of delicious Gouda cheese and they will refund me with some real American goodies. My gosh, how do I miss this beautiful country.... The postman is my best friend, since he brings me parcels from all over the world. Buying things online is just absolutely fantastic and exciting :-) It makes the world real small and cultures meet through the Internet. 

Can't wait to hear what they thought of the cheese! And yes, I admit it, I'm looking forward to my surprise parcel as well!

How much is that doggie in the window

You all know these - adorable to some - annoying to others - little dogs. Since "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" (the movie), our youngest daughter can't stop nagging about when she's going to get her own Chihuahua. Please. Hello??? Why can't I have one??? Everybody has one!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

You know what I mean, don't you? And you can understand why she can't have her own Chihuahua, can't you? But 12 yo girls cannot reason when their heart melts over a little dog.. Even if its eyes pop out of its tiny little head. Even if its tail can be used as a paint brush. Even if the only thing it does, is bark in a very high voice. Because that's how I felt about Chihuahuas..

Until I met Zita. And Zita gave me that special puppy look, with her lovely black marble eyes. Zita, who licked me very carefully on the cheek, like she wanted to welcome me. Little white Zita, with the light brown spots on her back. Sweet little Zita, with the long eye lashes (I can't believe I'm even talking about this..), and the white, wiggly tail..

But no! I mean, we have Arthur, our tomcat. We have 3 turtles (red-eared sliders), 4 chickens (no, they don't need a rooster, thank you very much), 1 goldfish (we need a fish for the cat, as he will only drink water from a fish bowl). We have little time, and we like to travel. How could we keep a dog??? Okay, you don't need to walk this dog, you carry it in your purse. 1-0. And no, they don't eat much, since they are so tiny, they can eat out of a tablespoon. 2-0. It doesn't need special housing, because it sleeps next to you in bed, so it can lick your face to wake you up in the morning! NO!!! I'm NOT giving in!

Wanna sleep..

I'm worn out.. Today was a hypo day. And that's no fun, I can guarantee you. So many things needed to be done today and nothing I did was the way I wanted it to be done. I definitely need to get some rest. If only I could go to bed earlier, that would solve many problems. It's not that I can't sleep, I sleep like a baby. As soon as I lay my head on my pillow, I'm off to better places. But getting ready for bed is more of a hassle. I always have some more things to do or to check. Okay; I'm making a deal with myself now: this is it! From next Monday on, I'm going to bed like everybody else, around 11 p.m., not 1 a.m. Can't believe I made that promise..

A freaking 22!

In the heat of the night, a horrible sensation rushed through my body. I had this dream that somebody was chasing me and was scaring the daylight out of me. My heart was pounding and I was getting out of breath. And then I was shot... I woke up and felt absolutely wound up. My Terumo glucose meter is always laying next to me in bed, for emergency calls. I tested right away and saw a freaking 22! DUH! Thank you, Dr. Feelgood, for raising my basal pattern. I knew this was going to happen! Thankfully I can still rely on my dreams to wake me up. What would've happened if I had not woken up? Don't even want to go there... This morning I got up with a 58. That's still too low. Normal blood glucose is between 80 and 126 mg/dl, remember..

I had two lows at work as well yesterday (59 and 46), due to raising my basal pattern on my insulin pump. I hate hypoglycaemia! It makes me tremble, blurs my eye sight, takes away my concentration and gives me an overall not feeling well.