A panic attack

In 2003 I had my hysterectomy and that operation went perfect. My body healed well and things went back to normal pretty soon.

I have a new gynecologist now. She asked me to come in for a yearly check-up. You know, the usual routine control. She suggested an internal ultrasound to take a look at my ovaries. They were pretty as always :-) There were no more signs of PCOS, what made me happy. Before she let me get dressed, she wanted to do a breast exam as well. It had been a while since my former gynecologist had performed a breast exam.

At first, she didn't speak. Then I heard her mumble.. I held my breath, prepared to hear the worst. She asked me if my breasts were always that hard to examine? eeuurrgghh.. I don't know?

She continued her exam and then she went to her desk, grabbed the phone and made an appointment with the radiologist. I overheard her conversation. She asked if I could come for an ultrasound right away. She had a bad feeling about the numerous mammary she felt. I took a deep breath, jumped off the examination table and buttoned up my shirt. I had a hard time swallowing my saliva and I felt numb. What did she mean? Was something wrong? She didn't have much time left, because they beeped her to go deliver a baby.

So off I went to Radiology. There was a crowd in the waiting room and I couldn't focus on the magazine I had in my lap. All kinds of nasty words crossed my mind. I tried to calm myself and picked another magazine. My fingers txt some lines to my husband and my friend and I wasn't sure whether I was going to send the texts or not. Maybe I should wait for the outcome of the ultrasound?

The radiologist asked me to undress and lay down on his examination table. It was freezing in his consultation room. I had goosebumps all over. The slippery gel was smeared over my chest and the doctor started his exam. He didn't speak. Not at all. I didn't look at the screen. Why should I? It's not like a layman can tell cancer from an innocent swollen gland?

He asked me to get up and get dressed. He was going to forward the result to my gynecologist. Hello??? Can you at least tell me what's going on?? He turned on his heels, looked at me and said: everything's fine ma'am. You have a good day now.