Walk for a Cure

Today is my 12th Diaversary. It's not always been easy but I'm still here and there are no complications yet. I need your help though. Not just for me, but for everyone out there who has T1 Diabetes. Insulin is a treatment, not a solution. Some smart scientists are working day and night (well, they probably do sleep at times) to find a cure for T1 Diabetes. How could I just relax and sit back and wait for that cure to happen? Things don't work that way. It takes effort and fundraising and motivation. Most of all: it takes hope! If we have no hope there will ever be a cure, why would others hope for us? Don't give up, my friends. I know our doctors have told us there will be a cure in 10 years and some doctors promised that 30 years ago. We can't give up! That is just not an option. I know some of you are tired of fighting. Diabetes takes a lot of energy we don't have. We're not alone in this story. So many people out there who have family members, friends, co-workers, ... who share this condition.

Make your donation today. Don't delay any longer. 

We need your support big time! 

http://www.jdrfwalk.nl/t1vlaanderen

It's been a productive day

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

I hate to clean house, I really do. Don't get me wrong: I love clean houses, but I don't like to clean them. It makes my back ache and it's really fulfilling the moment you're done, but within the hour, the sparkle is gone. It seems so pointless although I see the point of living in a clean house. Are you still with me?

Anyway, today my schedule read: Hubby work - tennis tournament, Lana - studying in Bruges, Eva - babysitting in Ghent. Meaning: I'm home alone! Meaning: the ideal moment to clean house :( I got started early this morning and by the time I had got the hoover out of the cabinet, my urge to clean had already left my mind.. I wanted to cook and bake and stroll through recipes on the Internet. I wanted to go grocery shopping and I wanted to present some kind of fancy dessert in my new Jamie Oliver bowls. But sometimes things just need to be done and today seemed like a good moment to do so, since I was home alone, the sun was out so the dogs and cat could play outside all day. Not?

I cleaned. I really did. But I cooked and I baked more than I cleaned. It was so satisfying to have fun in the kitchen. So many recipes to try out, so many ingredients to be tasted. In between recipes, I would sweep the floors and move furniture around. I would dust window sills and vacuum all of that pet hair on the couch. I must admit, it kinda looked good to see those pillows neatly on a cleaned couch with freshly washed throw blankets. The windows were ajar to let

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

some the breeze in and my bottle of Febreze cleaned the air of dust and kitchen smells. Nevertheless, the kitchen was calling me to make Oven puffed pancake topped with berries for lunch. I enjoyed every bite sitting on the deck and was already thinking of my next dish to cook: home made ricotta ravioli with a lima bean and pea side. How I love to make my own pasta dishes... it's so satisfying and pleasant and a wonderful way to have some Me Time. No other hobby can give me this amount of pleasure as cooking and baking does. It's addictive to come up with new recipes, try them out, improve them and share them with the world. So many people who want to try out my food. I'm convinced they would like a BUY NOW button on the Internet when they see the food pics pass by.

Just the other week, an acquaintance asked me if I could make dessert for 50 guests next weekend. Of course I can! I have given it a thought and I came up with 5 wonderful desserts her guests will endeavor. So looking forward to that!

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

Should I go back to school and get a professional training in cooking and baking? I would love to... but I don't know if it's possible. Things are already quite hectic around here. Those classes are time absorbing but my fingers are itching and my heart is longing for more knowledge and improvement. Thinking of it, I'm ready to indulge my grilled peach dessert... wanna have a bowl?

Cooking and baking is not the best hobby if you have diabetes. I decided not to use substitutes in my recipes. I want the real thing so my recipes are nowhere near low carb. So be it. I put enough effort in taking care of myself and I try to keep my A1c as low as possible, but I'm not willing to give up on good food. It's too important for me to keep doing what I love to do. Too bad cleaning is not my hobby.. It would make life a whole lot easier.. and boring.

I hate it when you do that

It's been quite a while since my diabetes was so out of control. I must admit, I had not changed my site in time (okay, I was way overdue), so by the time I got the site out this morning, my skin was red and swollen and icky. I cleaned and disinfected the site and inserted a new one, far from the previous one (there is enough skin to find on my body, that holds enough fat to stand a site insertion). Grabbing my coat, I left the house to rush to work.

Driving the car, I felt this terrible thirst coming up. There's always a diet soda and a regular soda in the car, for emergencies. Instantly, I felt this was going to be one of those days... I emptied a 500 ml bottle of diet coke, but it didn't quench my thirst. My Dexcom told me my numbers were skyrocketing. Great... just what I needed. I'm tired already and a workday ahead of me wasn't going to solve the problem. I needed to focus on getting those numbers down. I got out of the car - it's only a 10 min drive to work - and tested my BG. My meter said 504... My Dexcom couldn't give any more details, since it stops counting at 400. It sure felt like 504. It was like someone made me eat a bowl full of oatmeal and forgot to pour the milk over it. Grumble... this was not going to be a great day...

The little girl I take care of, was ready for her nap and all I could think of, was having a nap myself. But it's work, remember? No time to nap.. She fell asleep in my lap and of course, I had to go pee.. again.. ggrrrrr... that's what high numbers do to your bladder. They make you run to the loo way too often to get rid of that excess sugar in your kidneys. Princess wasn't sleeping anyway, so I didn't feel guilty about getting up. I stumbled down the stairs, holding on to the banisters and making sure little Princess was held tight to my body. I put her down in her chair, went to the toilet, had 500 ml water to drink and went back to the toilet. I corrected multiple times this afternoon, to get those bloody highs out of my system, but it was like my body was resistant to insulin. It just didn't do anything at all. I knew it was gonna hit me in the face at a certain point, so I didn't want to overdo on the correcting part. I was so thankful for my Dexcom, so at least, I could see where I was headed towards without poking my fingers 12 times in a row. My numbers had stabilized around HIGH so I decided to give another correction bolus. I felt sick to my stomach by now and I had run out of diet soda and water. My mouth was dry and my body dehydrated. I was hungry as well but didn't dare to eat anything for I didn't want to go any higher. I was so happy little Princess decided to take another nap. We cuddled and dove into that comfortable couch together, turned on the TV and chilled out. I truly hate it when this happens...


Around 5 PM, my numbers started to crawl down, slowly but at least they were coming down. Right before I went home, I saw a straight arrow pointing downwards. Great... had another bottle of regular coke in the car - it was hot from sitting in the sun all day, but hey, who minds warm coke when you're about to faint? I drove home and decided to skip the carbs for the rest of the day. We had grilled prawns, tuna and salmon sashimi and some wakame salad.
I so enjoyed my dinner and was really full. I can't believe my Dexcom was buzzing again!!! This time to prevent me from going low. Cheese and rice! Come on! Can't you have just a little bit of sympathy here? Hello??? I'm full! Can't have any more food or drinks. I hate you Diabetes, at times I really hate you...

I stuffed down a small piece of toast, spread with Nutella, to get rid of that 78 pointing downwards. Did I get rid of it all right... In just an hour time, my BG read 238 again... WTF!  I want someone to take over. I want to sleep and forget about D, just for a couple of hours. I need that cure NOW!

Just pull the plug

I'm not the right person if you are looking for New Year's Resolutions. I have been looking forward to reorganizing my kitchen though. Since I started working as a Tupperware consultant, my cabinets have been pampered with new Tupperware containers and tools. I love my Tupperware. I have come to a point that I want nothing but Tupperware in my cabinets. I'm thinking about clearing out cupboard by cupboard and making the right decision in keeping or getting rid off. So if you're interested in getting some second hand kitchen goodies, just yell. Any leftovers will go to the Thriftstore without hesitation. I'm so looking forward to having de-cluttered cabinets.

I would like to reorganize my cabinets and keep all of my different size mixing bowls in one place, together with my measuring cups and spoons, shaker, baking mats, baking tins and MultiFlex silicone pans. There has to be a better way than what I'm used to. There should be a cabinet for (non)electrical devices, that includes my mixer, blender and Tupperware devices: TurboMax, QuickChef, ExtraChef, SpeedyChef, MandoChef. Can't believe I haven't bought the TurboChef yet. Have to write that down on my Tupperware wishlist. They all come in handy. I couldn't choose between any of them and no: I will not give up my Tupperware devices.

I would like to get rid of my deepfryer. It would be healthier not having one around. But I think my Hubby will not agree on this one. Maybe I should put it deeper down the cabinet, out of sight and empty?
I have plenty of microwave containers. They have been designed for reheating and cooking in the microwave. My MicroGourmet is just wonderful. Love to steam my potatoes and veggies all in one. It's a good way to cook healthy food.

Counting my wooden spoons, I realize they are no longer worth keeping. I'm throwing them out. They don't look good anymore and I can replace them by Tupperware spoons, that are much easier to clean and prettier to look at. I assume that rule will work for the knives on my countertop as well. Since I've been using the Tupperware knives, I no longer use my old knives so why bother hanging on to them and have the overloaded tools canister tip over every so often? There's one knife I will keep, despite its grungy look and blunt blade. It's the knife I inherited when I left my student's room. I'm gonna hold on to that one just one more year (or so).

I know some of the tools I use, would probably never be bought by you. I'm thinking of my garlic press or my ginger grater, the cheese mill, pasta maker and my Kenwood standmixer. They are essential to me though. I use them so often that I don't know how I would do without.

I'm getting a little depressed here. Am I sure I'm willing to let go of things? Or am I just making excuses why most of it should stay? I could use a hand in deciding what I use on a regular basis and what is just a gimmick. I want those cabinets organised and less full and cluttered. I'll get there. Trust me, it won't be done in one day, but I'll get there.. While reorganizing, I might as well soap down all of the cabinet interiors and ... AARRGGGHHH.

It's all about the details

You're a very sensitive and considerate young lady. There's this part of you, that feels for others and makes you very lovable and a good friend. You have a good eye and fine ears, to figure out what interests people and what keeps them busy. I wish I had a bit more of your talent. I'm more of a talker and I'm sure you could teach me some skills.

My birthday was coming up and without my knowledge, you had been searching the Internet for the perfect birthday gift. I didn't expect any presents from anyone, but knowing that you have been thinking about the best present, warms my heart. You know how baking and cooking is my cup of tea. My book shelves are packed with cook books and I'm picky about the ones I buy. Not just any cook book gets a special spot. I read those books like I would read a novel. Fifty shades of Grey is boring and nothing, compared to some of my cook books that I can read over and over again. So when you picked that one special cook book for me, you did the right thing! It was not yet in my cabinet, the contents looked very promising and it was full of pretty pictures (I love food pictures and hate to prepare recipes that don't come with an exciting photograph). I was truly amazed by how well you know me and how well you did in finding me the right cook book. Days have been pretty hectic around here lately and I haven't had much chance to go through the book, but this morning, in the early hours, I found the time to sit down and start reading. I fell in love with the book immediately. I like the way Sally Butcher (how twisted is that, to write a vegetarian cook book if your last name is Butcher?) announces and documents her recipes. It's like being invited to sit down with her at an enormous dinner table, filled with exotic and delicious food platters. I can see her hands stained with pomegranate juice, clouds of lost flour in her hair and a sink full of pots and pans that need to be scrubbed down. Because that's what she does, this Miss Butcher. She makes you long for her recipes and you can't wait to go grocery shopping and enter your kitchen for days worth of fun.

Thank you cutie face, for reading me so well. I'm really happy with my new cook book. I'm not sure your daddy will like the vegetarian dishes but I know I will (he's Mr Meat). I hope one day, you will find a gap in your busy schedule to dive into that kitchen with me and have some mommy and daughter time. 

I can do red carpet

I admit it, I admit it. It flattered my ego to get all the birthday wishes on my cell phone, Facebook, sites I frequent, .. It was fun to read the special wishes. I know quite some people and I can honestly say I put a lot of time and energy in keeping up with everybody. So thank you all for having me in your thoughts today.

I haven't had much time to spend with my beloved ones today. It was one of the busiest days in the last month, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I do admit I'm exhausted now and tomorrow will be another hectic day, but it'll be great fun to have this bunch of people over.

Does 42 feel different than 41? Not really. I'm still thinking about what this extra year has meant to me. What have I done in the past year and what are my goals for the upcoming year? I have some thinking to do. It was special to hug my girls tonight and to know I'm still around to be their mom. I'll be happy to have my sensor restart in 15 min, so I can go to bed and crawl up against my husband and kiss him goodnight. I have a good life. At the age of 42, I can say I'm happy to be around, alive and kicking. Maybe not in ship shape and a teeny bit overweight, but my mind is young and my energy is coming back. Goodnight to you all. xx

Excusez-moi?

"Bonsoir, c'est Freddy, c'est pour la commande"... I hated those phone calls. How I truly hated those phone calls. Us kids dreaded Thursday evenings. We would make sure we were not downstairs around that time of night, when my dad's French customers would call in to pass on their order. I was like 14 or 15 at the time and my French was not that good to comprehend the fast as lightning French sentences. You know how those Frenchmen can rattle? Well, they didn't care we were only kids and French was not our maternal tongue. My father wanted us to learn French and school French was not sufficient. I don't recall us learning about "quatre fûts de Jupiler" in school. I had no idea what "fûts" meant and most of the time, I would scribble down: fuut. I would say: "oui" and more "oui" although I didn't understand a word of what that Freddy-guy was saying. It was really stressful and I knew my father would ask me if I had written everything down correctly. To be honest, I had no idea. I was supposed to repeat what I had written before putting down the phone, but I never did. There were no cell phones in those days nor caller ID. We never knew in advance who would be at the other side.
Was it helpful? I guess so. Do I speak French fluently? Absolutely not, but it's probably a whole lot better than the French my peers speak. I'm still not crazy about speaking French, but I manage. Je me débrouille, if you know what I mean. And if you don't know, it's probably because your father didn't run his own business and he didn't have a Monsieur Freddy call in weekly to place his order...

A wake up call

For the past 11 years, I have been dealing with Type 1 Diabetes. The first couple of years, I worried about complications a lot. My at-the-time-endocrinologist had made me watch a video on kidney failure, amputation of limbs, blindness and all the other "bad" stuff die-a-beetus can bring you. It horrified me to see this documentary on the day of my diagnosis. It was terrifying to go to sleep at night, so I stayed up real late and set my alarm to poke my fingers several times during the night. Sometimes I would catch a low and sometimes I would have great numbers. I couldn't go to sleep (my endo told me) if my numbers were below 180, which resulted in high numbers all night and a high reading in the morning. After 4 years of injecting insulin, I switched to the insulin pump and I did so much better. There was no reason to have a 180 number before bedtime. In fact, I could go to sleep with a 100 on the screen of my glucometer. And I did.. My numbers were better, but I was never rested in the morning.

February 27th 2013. Another date that will be tattooed into my memory. On February 27th 2013, I started using Dexcom G4. I was completely excited about this device, as I had read very good reviews on the accuracy of the readings. A personal visit from a Dexcom rep and a couple of hours later, I could start interpreting the numbers on my receiver. The first nights were horrible. One night I was alarmed of 4 low readings... It was scary to realize the danger you had put yourself into, for having had diabetes all of those years without a warning of nighttime lows. Never before had I come down to this. I always believed my body would warn me if my BG was going too low. NOT! What a bummer.. I must have had a very, very good guardian angel all those years. No emergency calls in the middle of the night. No rushes to the hospital.

Last week, I read about this young mom that did not wake up from a nighttime low. She was found in the morning, in bed. Her life had come to an end, thanks to this stupid condition called diabetes. Just like that, a life is lost. Does that justifies why I wanted this Dexcom G4 so badly? Don't you think all of us are entitled to using a life saving device? Our children deserve to have a mom and a dad. They shouldn't have to fear their parent not waking up in the morning. This device is not some gadget, it is a life saver, as you can see from the graph below. There should be reimbursement for all of us. CGM is important, even more important than our glucometer, since that tool does not come with arrows showing what number you are headed to. I love my glucometer, I really do, but it does not alarm me of upcoming highs and lows. It does not show me the trend of my blood sugar.

I'm getting a bit emotional over my Dexcom G4. You may get excited about getting the latest iPhone or fast car or a trip to the Bahamas, but I get excited about a device that saves my life over and over again..

A good catch

I quote:

Dear Cathy,

Thank you so very much for the delicious cookies. We really enjoyed the treat. 
Congratulations with your daughter Eva. She is very particular, very sweet, hardworking and very punctual when it comes to making agreements.
I wish both of you the very best.

Greetings,

Sister José

What a lovely note, aunt Erika gave us last night, when Eva was getting prepared for her last day at work. Sister José and aunt (sister) Erika have been best friends for a very long time. This community of 13 sisters live together in Gentbrugge. That's where Eva has been staying for a number of days in the previous month. She blended in real well, since one of the sisters started to call her "sister" Eva. I don't think Eva will ever become a nun, but she did make herself really beloved in the group. How could she not be loved?

I'm proud of my little girl. It was hard labor and the days were hot and long. Eva got along well with her colleagues and she proved to be an industrious, responsible co-worker. It's great to hear that your children do well and that they complete their tasks without moaning or complaint. She's happy she accepted the job offer and had a chance to prove herself. We'll be happy to have her home again, because we did miss her quite a bit. August will be the month of catching up and enjoying each other. Some day outs with friends, some shopping and dining out, watching movies together and maybe bake a cookie or two. I know I'm blessed with our daughters. Both of them bring us happiness and joy.

We will keep this friendly note. I'm sure Eva will be able to go back next year, to complete her task in the kitchen of the nursing home. Her co-workers will be happy to see her and she will have another great time, living in the community of these 13 sisters..

In a perfect world..

Photo Eva Joos

.. shoes would never hurt, clothes would always fit like a glove and hair would shine like in TV commercials. No need to complain about your eyelashes since yours are the thickest and longest since Maybelline started selling their products. Beauty specialists would sigh by the sight of your perfectly shaped eye brows and natural make up that gives you the glow you deserve. Your teeth would be sparkling white and your nails long and manicured like those of a movie star. You would have a long neck, perfectly straight shoulders, a dazzling cleavage and slim arms. Your waist would resemble the waist of Cher and your hips would be wider to represent that hour glass shape we all envy, ending in a firm Jennifer Lopez bum. Who said you couldn't have legs like Cindy Crawford and well shaped feet to fit those towering Louboutins?

There is no need to aim any higher. You're perfect, just the way you are. You look like a princess and you have the ability to conquer anyone's heart... That young man who will pick you up in a couple of hours time, is the luckiest man ever, for he can call you his girlfriend. 

Strike a pose

I can't believe you have turned 46. To me, you don't look much older than you were when I first met you, 19 years ago. And trust me: 19 years has been a while. Does that mean you looked old back then? Or have you stopped aging since?

Unfortunately, you had to spend your birthday by yourself most of the day. I'm glad the girls were home to keep you company and you had chores you wanted to finish in your backyard. It wasn't until 5:30 PM before I had the chance to give you a hug and wish you a very happy birthday. We'll catch up, I promise. Last night, you were so anxious to find out about your birthday present. We let you read the card that had a rebus you had to solve. It was your job to find out what we had planned for you. We love you. We hope you will love your present!

These were the hints:

Got my feet up

What do you do on nights if you don't want to watch TV or surf the Internet? You could have a romantic dinner with your loved one or go to the movies or go for a walk with your spouse or the dogs or even both. But maybe you're all alone and there's nobody around to talk to or to hang out with? Then what do you do? You could relax on the couch in pajamas all day or pamper yourself in bath or treat yourself to a well deserved massage in a beauty parlor...

Or maybe you could just entertain yourself playing games. I remember this newspaper, ages ago - I was only a kid back then, that had this one special page with games. The thing about this one game I particularly liked, was that you had to read and investigate the whole newspaper, to find 7 little mice. They were drawn and hidden well. You had to focus and use your index to search every text in order to find the mice. I loved that game! I no longer read paper newspapers, I scroll down the pages on the online papers. It is quite nostalgic though, thinking about those lovely games back then.

Do you remember Waldo? Did you ever try to locate him? We had a couple of books on Waldo, where every double page would be full of little people and Waldo would be hidden somewhere in that mixture. Sometimes the game would irritate me for not being able to track him down. I'm not the most patient person, remember? I would like to go back to those games some day. No Internet, no TV, just games. And I'm not talking video games here...

Things are getting out of hand here

Photo Eva Joos

It has to stop. I spend more time in my kitchen than ever. Have no idea what's gotten into me lately, but I just can't stop cook and bake. Recipes are being read and made instantly. Not just one recipe a day, I'm talking like 6 or even 7 recipes a day. Reading about this, makes me sick to my stomach. It's a good thing though, I don't eat it all. But like someone asked me this week: who eats all of that food??? I didn't know the answer to that question. It made me reflect over why this is happening.

Let's discuss today, for example. What have I been doing all day? It started out this morning, with breakfast in one hand, and the other hand on the keyboard of my laptop. Trying to figure out what I could make this very same day. Since Hubby needed an early lunch before he headed off to work, I had defrosted veal chops the night before. I hate ordinary cooking, so I googled "veal chops" and "Italian recipe".

Foto Cathy Van de Moortele

I love to cook Italian dishes and I love the herbs and simplicity in the food. It is simple and honest food, but it's not ordinary. It's not like frying up some sausages. I need more excitement, I need passion in my cooking. So Hubby ended up with a plate of saltimbocca alla Romana and stewed string beans.  By the sight of his cleared plate and the compliments, I couldn't but agree it had been tasteful.
By then I was thinking of what I could make for lunch for me and the girls. I had loads of fresh whole wheat cappellini I had made the day before. So I was thinking I could make a pasta dish with browned butter and sage sauce and.. Can you hear me rattle on? I had to pick up Lana in Eeklo, so that gave me the opportunity to run some more errands. I wanted to please her with her special ravioli she craves: with a filling of goat's cheese, ground hazelnuts, slivers of summer truffle and soft bacon bits, it's just sublime. It is my signature dish. But she said she had already eaten ravioli just the day before, while my sister-in-law was here for cooking class.. Hmhmhm... she got a point there. So maybe she wasn't interested in another match of meringue with lemon curd either? Well... desserts are always a hit around this house.

I whipped up the 6 egg whites I had kept in my fridge (meringues come out better when using egg whites that are a couple of days old) and I preheated the oven. That's when it occurred to me, that we didn't have any bread for tonight's dinner. Okay, I could've sent one of the girls to the bakery to get a fresh loaf, but since the oven was heating.. So I wanted to give that Dutch crunch bread recipe another go. The girls were giving me that look.. you know.. the rolling eyes.

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

I was thinking of that huge basket of laundry that needs to be ironed. It has been sitting upstairs for over more than 2 weeks already. But strangely, the thought of the wrinkled laundry vanished real fast. Another recipe crossed my mind! After all, I had not yet tested the new ice cream maker! How about butterscotch ice cream? Wouldn't that be great???

While the ice cream maker was running, I had the time to chop up some Werther's Original Caramelts to top the butterscotch ice cream with. Some disappeared in my mouth, while I took a peek in the oven to see how the meringues were doing. My mind was drifting off, thinking about dinner for the following day. Sunday is a working day for both Hubby and I. I need time to cook, so I wanted to think of some Sunday recipe I could make in advance. Coming home around 6:15 PM, I will only have to heat up the Coq au Vin to feed my crowd. Did I mention the asparagus soup that was sitting on the stove? The girls don't eat that much soup, but when I blend it and make sure it's silky and smooth, they don't mind having a bowl. After all, they do need their veggies right?

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

The Dutch crunch bread came out real well this time. I was proud of myself! There was some leftover whole wheat bread I had baked the day before, so we ate half of that and half of the fresh loaf.

My back is hurting. My shoulders ache and my knees could use some rest. Time to sit down and read some.. cookbooks. How about I make a deal with myself, that next week, I will do more of the household chores and less of the cooking fun? I have about half an hour to relax now. It's only 9:30 PM. I could make some more tortellini filled with 4 different kinds of meat and a luscious marinara sauce, you know. I want to bring this pasta dish to work tomorrow. I'm sure the family would love to try it.. I'll make tomorrow's oatmeal and red fruit cereal first. Can't miss breakfast, can I?

Daddy's girls

They lay down on the couch, their eyes closing every now and then, to continue their dreams of chasing cats and bunnies. It's still very quiet around the house. The sunbeams peek through the windows and I have turned down the volume of the radio, for I don't want to disturb the silence of this Sunday morning. Right above my head, I hear him stumble out of bed. Inthe has heard something too, for she's pointing one ear and her eyes are open wide. Could it be? Is it time to get up? O yes! I can hear daddy flush the toilet before he comes down the stairs. Backwards, of course, just the way his mom taught him as a child. Some of the steps are creaking but that's part of the charm of a one century old house. By the time dad is down the hallway, both dogs are waiting for him by the door. They are all excited, to be seen by the wagging of their tail. He has a hard time coming inside, because they are blocking the doorway. Daddy's here! Daddy's here! How lovely!

While I make coffee, Daddy scratches his hair and yawns away the sleep. He rubs his eyes and touches his beard, to see if he needs a shave. Both dogs are sitting beside him at the kitchen table. They are like statues, so quiet. Their gaze is focused on one person: Daddy.. He tells them he wants to have his yogurt and cereal breakfast before the walk. So they wait a bit longer. Once he gets up and puts on his clothes, Inthe becomes his very own shadow. She won't loose track of him now. Rebba is more chill about it. So she strolls back to the couch, throws out the pillows I just rearranged, scratches the cushions and then finds a better spot on the other side. Her head is pointed towards the kitchen though and her ears are turning constantly. Daddy is looking for his shoes and when he opens the door to get the leashes, Inthe is loosing her marbles. She sticks to his leg and follows him all around. As a joke, he walks around the table and she is right there, beside him.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Inthe puts her legs right on his shoulders and licks his ears and nose. Her tail is even more excited and can't stop wagging. Rebba is trying to look the most uninterested as possible. She's a bit different, you know. She needs her own special invitation. Daddy walks towards Rebba and asks her in a soft voice: "Wanna go for a walk, Rebba?". "Who? Me? Really? Are you kidding me? Of course!". That's when Rebba finally gets of the couch to put on her leash. Both dogs look at me like if they want to say: aren't you coming, mom?

The house is quiet again. The dogs are enjoying their walk. They are marking their territory as often as they can, before Daddy frees them from their leashes. They can run their lungs out at the soccer field, playing fetch and chasing each other. Daddy gets to pick up the poop and trash the purple bags somewhere along the line. The girls are so different and yet so much alike. Almost like our two daughters, I guess. The oldest dog has Daddy's last name, while Inthe is carrying my last name. Just like Lana looks after her father and Eva is mommy's girl. People may have the same features as their pets. Sometimes the children do too..

Eye to eye

I don't remember whether we had a membership to the magazine or not, but we sure got hold of it every week. "Joepie" magazine was real hot in our days. Every teen had to read it and not skip one article. There were interesting columns and youngsters could send in questions they had on most any subject. You would read answers on how to French kiss or if you could get pregnant by holding hands with your boyfriend. Really important! There was no Internet back then and if we wanted to contact the editors, we had to send them a real, handwritten letter. That was a big deal, because that letter needed a stamp so we needed money (that we didn't have). I don't think I ever sent in a question, but I did read all of the Q&A's other people sent in. Some answers were a big relief and other answers I had to read twice for I didn't understand. Being 13 in the beginning of the 80's was a bit different from being 13 nowadays. We were very naive and ignorant and certainly not informed about grown up matters.
Anyway, reading the "Joepie" was good for English class as well. Every week, the lyrics of popular songs would be written down for us to read and learn by heart. Most of the time, we would just sing along and mimic the words, for we didn't understand anything of the contents but some words. Just this very same day, we were singing along with Too Shy by Kajagoogoo, when I realized we needed the lyrics. I haven't read the "Joepie" for a very long time but there is the Internet now. You're only one click away from finding the exact words to a song. Kajagoogoo had the right words: eye to eye, while we had been singing I do I for as many years. We must have skipped that "Joepie" edition, I'm sure of it.

Looking at things from the right angle

I loved to look at you, when you were turning the handle of your little bingo machine. Very focused and extremely serious, you would write down the numbers of the tiny balls that came rolling out of the machine. You would take a second glance at the numbers on the sheet of paper and then decide whether you needed to spin the machine again or not. I don't know what made you decide the numbers were good or bad, although you tried to explain it to me a number of times. There had to be some meaning or logic in the sequence of the numbers. If you couldn't trace that logic, you were convinced they wouldn't do you any good. So you started all over again. The tiny balls were put back into the machine and you would spin the handle again. It could take quite some time for you to finish your game. Then you would ask your children what they thought was the best series of numbers. They were very serious about it too. I suspect they would not even have tried to joke about it, because they knew how important it was to you..

I remember two occasions, where your daughter pointed out a series of numbers. You didn't agree and you picked your own. The funny thing is, you would hold on to the piece of paper, scribbled with dozens of numbers, while you were watching the lottery on TV. You would be all sweaty and everybody had to leave you alone and be quiet. On two occasions, your daughter was right about all 6 numbers! That is, if you would have handed in her choice of numbers.. The sadness on your face was really moving, when the host of the show would state the amount of money one could've won. You went on for many, many years and you kept all the scribbles with numbers for as long as it took. Every now and then, you would go back to one particular note and pick the same sequence. But the bingo machine kept going and you kept writing down new combinations..

We filled out lottery tickets for a number of years. It didn't bring us more than what we had paid for, so we finally gave up. It must be awesome to win the lottery. But guess what? I have my family. No lottery ticket can compete with that. Just look at things from the right angle.. Winning a suitcase full of money must be fab, but it can bring you bad luck as well. Making your own luck is a longer journey but it's worth the try.

I have this crazy idea

My husband says I'm not normal. To a certain extend, I can't blame him for saying so. It's probably not very common to start cooking as soon as you read a recipe. He's always amazed at how I can start to cook just out of the blue, no matter what time of day it is. It's not about the eating, it's all about the cooking or baking. If I get hold of a cookbook full of pictures, it just makes my mouth water and my fingers itch to get at it. So I think about my supplies and an instant smile appears on my face if I'm sure I have all the products in my pantry. Whether I want to cook mushroom soup with three kinds of mushrooms or bake bread rolls or a moist rhubarb pie: I can do it. In the meantime, I prepare my oatmeal and fruit breakfast for the next day or I beat batter to make pancakes for tea. Sometimes the bowl of my Kenwood has to be taken out of the dishwasher to serve for the next recipe. Am I crazy? Obsessed? Totally insane? Probably. But I love it. I love the chaos and the activity around the kitchen. TV doesn't do anything for me. Except if the Food Channel is on. Maybe I should have a TV in my kitchen, so I can watch new recipes while I'm cooking and indulge all that new cookspiration.. Can't wait to do some more grocery shopping. I'm mentally preparing myself to the menu of the week and I'm getting all hyper over it. Now let me be, okay? I have to stir that sauce and check the oven, for the house is smelling of home made bread..

Flash in the pan

Okay, this is the deal. I have this book on baking bread (yes, I have more than one and I read them like novels) and finally I have found the time to start acting. I have read all the guidelines and reviews of other bakers and I felt like I was ready set go. Not that I haven't baked bread in the past, but I have always had the feeling that I lacked professional background. The breads tasted right, but they did not always proof the way I wanted them to. Some breads had holes in them (they were not donuts, so there were not supposed to be holes in the middle), others were chewy and not risen to the fullest.

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

There is this Dutch lady on Facebook I have been reading for a while. I follow her recipes and I read the reviews. This week I made my first order in an online bakery shop and the goodies came in the very next day. Can you imagine the butterflies inside my tummy? I'm sure my friend Jan has this same feeling when his goodies from Ali Express fall on his doormat..

I love the Internet. You can communicate with other bakers and the responses come as fast as you can type. It's been a big help so far. My first bread according to the new guidelines, came out real well. I'm not being real honest now. The first bread ended up in the bin.. it didn't even make it until "bread" phase. I trashed the dough, for it was too tough. I tried to soften it up by adding some more lukewarm water and oil, but that ruined the whole recipe. So I started all over. (thank me for all of the extra supplies in the pantry - I can give myself a pat on the shoulder for that.)
So the first/second bread came out and it had risen all above the tin, just like it was supposed to do. The crust was just perfect and we couldn't wait for it to cool down so we got the bread knife out. The top of this Tiger Bread or Dutch Crunch bread is supposed to look like Tiger fur.. well.. it didn't. It doesn't change anything to the taste, but it didn't look right.

I'm stubborn. I wanted my Tiger Bread to look like Tiger Bread. So later that night, I started all over, again. Darn me! When did I run out of fresh yeast? I did have some grain yeast in my pantry. Although I prefer the real stuff, there shouldn't be a problem with prepacked yeast. When I lifted the towel to check on the bread, I immediately knew this bread was not going to proof in the same way as the other one. I should've waited for my baker to open his shop in the morning, so I could get fresh yeast. O well. I'll do it again. Monday, I promise. 

Born again

Sometimes in life, we do things or make choices we later regret. No matter what led us to making that choice, we should hold ourselves responsible. There may be circumstances where one could say: I honestly believe you had such a rough time that you saw no other way than to do what you did. Of course there where other solutions, but you were either not ready to see them or you chose to pursue the only way you knew. It takes courage to change your ways and perseverance to go on. Giving up will most certainly have been a possibility that crossed your mind. Something or someone must have given you the strength to give up your addiction and start all over. With a family of 5 children, things needed to change. You were about to loose your job over your addiction and that would've been a total disaster. Your children have only known you as a father that was never present. They missed a dad, being there for them. They remember you as being away or claiming the couch because the alcohol had made you sleepy. The day you gave up drinking, your children were no longer children. They already had a life of their own. Have you set an example to your children? Did you ever talk to them about what an addiction means to your family? It's been 21 years now, since you have sobered up. I met you 19 years ago and I've never seen the drunk man you were before. Every Monday, you meet with your fellow friends to talk about your addiction. I don't know all of the steps in the plan, but is there a step that teaches you how to talk about your addiction with your family? Are you never afraid one of your children will become an addict as well? I know it scares me.. They say kids mimic their parents. If you grow up with a parent who thought drinking is a normal way of life, does that make you more vulnerable to getting an addiction yourself? Is the drinking a way of dealing with problems and emotions? How do you deal with issues if the only way you know, is loosing yourself in alcohol..

I'm happy you have been sober for 21 years. It gave you a different life. You have been given a second chance to be born again. I hope you are happy with the choices you have made. It was to the benefit of your family. Has it been beneficial to you too?

Self-reliance

When I taught my children how to wash their laundry or iron their clothes at the age of 12, it was not meant as a punishment or as slavery. I wanted to teach them about the importance of being self-reliant. I wanted them to be independent teens going into adulthood. They know how to cook simple meals. They know where to find things at the supermarket and they make their own appointments with the hairdresser or doctor. It's good to see that they gain more confidence every time they stretch their limits. They may not fully realize it now, but they will once they will leave the house to go live by themselves or with a partner.

I was in highschool. Probably around the age of 15. We had sewing class (I don't know if they still do sewing class nowadays) and the theme of that month was: sew your own skirt. I sucked at sewing. It didn't interest me either. In fact, I could care less. I liked the teacher though. We got along well but sewing was just not my cup of tea.
My mother is a seamstress. She sews for a living. The most obvious thing to do, was to let her make the skirt for me. I didn't even assist her or asked her about the way she was going to design the skirt. I knew what it was supposed to look like, because my teacher had briefed us.
The next time in class, we had to show our work in progress. Not one student could show anything decent or be optimistic about the assignment. To the surprise of my classmates and the teacher, my skirt was already finished. The teacher was full of joy and she asked me to step forward and show the others how I had made the skirt. All of a sudden, I was sick to my stomach. I told her I felt nauseous  Could I go see the school nurse?

Without any doubt, my skirt looked the most professional and I got fabulous grades on my report card. Was I proud of myself? Did I learn anything? Apparently not.. my husband is good at sewing buttons on shirts or fixing holes in clothes. He didn't have a mom to fix everything for him. He had nobody else to rely on. He learned a good lesson..