Unconditional love

At the age of 21, my friends were discussing their wish to get married and their hunger for children. I could not relate to their dreams, since they were so different from mine. I wanted to find a place to live on my own. I wanted to travel and see the world. The desire to be independent and free, was greater than the search to settle with someone else. I had had my number of relationships and there were plenty of families with children that asked me to babysit. But under no circumstances had I foreseen a family of my own.. 

Not planned at all and as a total surprise, I gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. Just two years apart but so different, they are the best thing that ever happened to me. Being given the chance to mother these two girls, has made me a better person. They make me look at myself and question my life, so I can give them the education and love they deserve. It brings me so much joy to hear their stories and witness their growth in life.  It takes effort and tears, laughter and happiness and it's a hard job. But being a mom is the only job worth doing for the rest of your life. You can never quit being a mom. These beautiful daughters are my life, my future, my hope and my comfort. They make me breathe and laugh. A film of their progress in life is running through my mind today. I can see them as babies, toddlers, preschoolers and I see their life change going to high school and turning into young teens. They are almost the same age I once was and I wonder if they will ever have a family of their own. 

Thank you for giving me the chance to be your mommy. It's the best gift I could've wished for.. 

I have something up my sleeve

Having the Pisces sign, we knew you were going to be a creative mind. You have a good eye for art, music, fashion, photography, design. Sometimes you come up with real clever ideas. Things we would not have thought of. It is fun to watch your creativity grow and see you explore new dimensions. It's been some time now, since you started using those special markers. I had never even heard of them, but you know your ways around on the Net. I'm still astound by the wonderful drawings you make. The talent I lack in life, is patience. I can tell you: you have patience. I observe you making a piece of art in your sketch book, drawing fine lines and little patterns in a flowing way. You are gifted sweetheart. I am so proud of your latest project, you made for school. The school made it into a poster, to be hung all over school, so people would know about the project your class is involved in. You did real well. The fonts you chose, the colors you picked. Your artwork is neat and clean and unique. I like your style. No computer program involved, just your own creative ways..
Looking forward to seeing more of your talent. 

What makes you beautiful

Being a teenager can be challenging. Things are being expected. There's school, friends, home, maybe a job on the weekend, a boyfriend, chores, sports, .. sometimes there's so much going on, there's hardly any time for you. Time to relax, enjoy life, hang out on the couch and just be. Finding the right balance is a hard job.

I'm proud of you. You are very conscious of what's going on around you. Your antlers are always buzzing, picking up emotions and situations. You have a heart for others and you are sensitive for the people you love.
You lack energy and you need a lot of sleep. After all, being a teen asks a lot from you. I'm so happy to see you have a nutritious breakfast before you go to school: oatmeal, fruit, green tea. It is a good way to regain your energy. You take good care of yourself.

Today, your sister decided to make breakfast for you. It is your birthday! We dressed the table and lit some candles, to welcome you downstairs. You were surprised and excited about the gifts. It's good to see you smile. You have a wonderful night planned with your boyfriend. He will spend the night with us and we'll have tapas together. Maybe a movie later on that night.

A bright future is awaiting you. Maybe this Spring, you will pick up running again. Or maybe swimming? It would do you good. It would provide your body with oxygen and energy. You're growing, kiddo. You're no longer that cute little baby you once were. Just look at you... need I say more?

Love,

your mommy xx <3

Easy breezy

No one ever said it was going to be easy breezy. College is not a joke, it is hard work. You have never been used to studying really hard to get good grades.
Your brain is pretty good at soaking up

information like a sponge would do. It is a good thing that you are always in to learning new things. You dare to challenge yourself and your teachers, to go all the way to the bottom of the course. Your motto is: you can't learn what you don't understand. I envy you for thinking that way. Understanding what you learn, makes you think in a better way and helps you remember the contents of your classes. Nevertheless, going to College is still hard work. We haven't seen much of you lately. Studying for the upcoming exams is priority number one now. I try to pamper you with home cooked meals and treats and every now and then I take you out for lunch. Not too much distraction, because you don't want any of us keeping you from going through your books. I must say: I'm impressed. I know you want to be the best in what you do. So you go for it and you keep your nose in your books. Three exams have been completed so far. Six more to go. It will be tough but I'm sure you'll do well. You must be looking forward to those two weeks off by the end of January. Keep up the spirit girl! 

Free your mind and the rest will follow

She's sound asleep, lying on her back on the couch. One arm just fell out of the chair and is dangling, her fingers almost reaching the floor. Both whippets are right beside her, like they are safekeeping her. I see two sets of dog eyes looking at me, but not losing contact with the person they are looking after. Her lips have opened up a bit and I can hear her breathe soundly. She looks relaxed, her hair surrounding her angelic face. It's tangled on one side and one of her cheeks looks rosy and warm. She hasn't been sleeping much lately. It's not her way to fall asleep on the couch. She passed that stage a long time ago. I wish we could go back in time and reassure her she's fine, just the way she is. I want to hug that little girl she once was. I want to hold her in my arms and cuddle her and stroke her hair. She's not that little girl anymore. She's a beautiful young lady. Somewhere deep inside, there is still that little girl, trying to grow up and find her way in life. She'll get there. I have faith. She's a delicate swan, trying to make her first flight. She will spread her wings. It may take some time and some help but she'll get there.. 

A mother's nightmare

I'm a member of different diabetes groups on the Internet, so every now and then, in between good news, there's also sad news to read. Today, right before lunch, I read the story on little Jillian. Tears were stinging in the corner of my eyes, just by reading her mom's diary. Little Jillian was diagnosed just recently, June 2013. She was a fun girl, going to kindergarten until D changed her life. She would never again be the innocent 4 yo she was before. From that day on, Jillian would need special care and special attention until the day she could take care of herself or until the day a cure for diabetes is found.

If you still think, diabetes is "nothing special" or if you make statements like "at least it's not cancer", well let me tell you this. Diabetes is no game. It's a life threatening disease. It's always there and you must always be on the lookout for highs and lows. Other people have no idea what it's like to be constantly aware of the fact that overdosing insulin might take your life. High bloodsugar can make you extremely sick and may require hospital treatment. Lows can make you lose consciousness as well if not treated right away. The fear of everyone with diabetes, is to not wake up from a diabetic low.. It is scary and although it doesn't happen very often, people do die from unnoticed diabetic lows.

This is what I read on the blog of Jillian's mom.. it made the hairs in the back of my neck stand up immediately. I feel so sad for her loss. I don't know Jillian, nor do I know her family. But I do know this must be any mother's nightmare. Children are not supposed to go before their parents. This little girl was not even 5. She will be missed by so many people. We have to find a cure for this ugly disease. No family should go through such an ordeal. Only 4 months after being diagnosed, this little girl's life was taken. Jillian was in hospital, being treated for high sugar levels. She had an IV and nurses were guarding her. Nevertheless, she died in her sleep. Nobody could save her from this bloody disease.

I have had a discussion with my endocrinologist over CGM. You all know by now, I use a Dexcom continuous glucose monitoring system. It helps me identify lows and highs if my body fails at warning me. And it does fail at times. I do feel most of my lows, but being asleep is always tricky. Having diabetes makes you tired and sometimes catching sleep is more important than spending time in the twilight zone, making sure you are not fully asleep. You want to make sure you guard yourself from going low so you don't sleep well. Because of my Dexcom, nowadays I can sleep better and deeper, because I know it will warn me from unnoticed lows. Just a couple of days ago, I was so happy with my "flatline" on my Dexcom readings... this is how it's supposed to be.
Not the flatline Jillian got..
I wish little Jillian would've had Dexcom equipment. It is not a gadget, like some people dare to call it. It's my life saver. I'm so grateful for my Dexcom. It's not a cure, but it can help me get the best treatment possible until a cure will be found.
Please let all of your love go to Jillian's family now. Their life will never be the same..

She went to bed last night with a blood sugar of 214 and when the nurse tested her at 5am she was 122 which is where we wanted to be. But at 8am when they went to wake her up she didn't get up. Somewhere between 5:30 and 8am this morning she fell into diabetic coma and died in her sleep.

Daddy's girls

They lay down on the couch, their eyes closing every now and then, to continue their dreams of chasing cats and bunnies. It's still very quiet around the house. The sunbeams peek through the windows and I have turned down the volume of the radio, for I don't want to disturb the silence of this Sunday morning. Right above my head, I hear him stumble out of bed. Inthe has heard something too, for she's pointing one ear and her eyes are open wide. Could it be? Is it time to get up? O yes! I can hear daddy flush the toilet before he comes down the stairs. Backwards, of course, just the way his mom taught him as a child. Some of the steps are creaking but that's part of the charm of a one century old house. By the time dad is down the hallway, both dogs are waiting for him by the door. They are all excited, to be seen by the wagging of their tail. He has a hard time coming inside, because they are blocking the doorway. Daddy's here! Daddy's here! How lovely!

While I make coffee, Daddy scratches his hair and yawns away the sleep. He rubs his eyes and touches his beard, to see if he needs a shave. Both dogs are sitting beside him at the kitchen table. They are like statues, so quiet. Their gaze is focused on one person: Daddy.. He tells them he wants to have his yogurt and cereal breakfast before the walk. So they wait a bit longer. Once he gets up and puts on his clothes, Inthe becomes his very own shadow. She won't loose track of him now. Rebba is more chill about it. So she strolls back to the couch, throws out the pillows I just rearranged, scratches the cushions and then finds a better spot on the other side. Her head is pointed towards the kitchen though and her ears are turning constantly. Daddy is looking for his shoes and when he opens the door to get the leashes, Inthe is loosing her marbles. She sticks to his leg and follows him all around. As a joke, he walks around the table and she is right there, beside him.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Inthe puts her legs right on his shoulders and licks his ears and nose. Her tail is even more excited and can't stop wagging. Rebba is trying to look the most uninterested as possible. She's a bit different, you know. She needs her own special invitation. Daddy walks towards Rebba and asks her in a soft voice: "Wanna go for a walk, Rebba?". "Who? Me? Really? Are you kidding me? Of course!". That's when Rebba finally gets of the couch to put on her leash. Both dogs look at me like if they want to say: aren't you coming, mom?

The house is quiet again. The dogs are enjoying their walk. They are marking their territory as often as they can, before Daddy frees them from their leashes. They can run their lungs out at the soccer field, playing fetch and chasing each other. Daddy gets to pick up the poop and trash the purple bags somewhere along the line. The girls are so different and yet so much alike. Almost like our two daughters, I guess. The oldest dog has Daddy's last name, while Inthe is carrying my last name. Just like Lana looks after her father and Eva is mommy's girl. People may have the same features as their pets. Sometimes the children do too..

He is the cheese to my macaroni

The broad smile on her face, that went from ear to ear, said it all. "It's been three months today", she informed me. I saw her eyes twinkle like stars. She's madly in love.. It really warms my heart to witness that pure love. She said he had a surprise for her. No school on May 1st, so the ideal day to go out and have fun in the sun. He was going to pick her up on his Dax. Yes, that same vehicle our little girl is dying to buy. He has had one for over 2 years now and he's a good driver. I thought 20 km was a bit too far to come pick her up. But the idea was real romantic and sweet. He definitely wanted to see her..  

We decided I was going to drive our kiddo to a different meeting point. Grandma's house sounded like a good deal, since it's on the way to BF's (boyfriend) house. He had not forgotten to bring an extra helmet, size S. How considerate! I saw her hop on his Dax and put her feet right where they belonged. I could tell she had been on that Dax before. She blew me a kiss, just like she did when she was a toddler. Holding her arms around his waist, they left for a surprise picknick in the woods. I was truly moved by this gesture. What a nice young man.. He's a lucky man too, for he has picked an amazing girl as his girlfriend..

I am flashing back

Can I have a Vespa?

     Are you out of your mind? No way! Don't even go there!

Why can't I have a Vespa?

     Because Vespas are dangerous. Because you are only 16! Because I say so. Because there are one  thousand reasons why you can't have a Vespa!

What if I buy my own Vespa?

     You are not going to. Forget about it. Not in one million years.

I can't recall the exact conversation, but it must have been something like this. I was really upset during that conversation. I knew in advance I was not going to win the battle, but at least I could try. I did ask the question and the answer was no, just like I had expected. I remember the disappointment. I remember the tears. And I remember the disapproval of my parents. Why did I even bother to ask, if I knew the answer was going to be a firm NO anyway? Why were they so opposed to me getting a Vespa? Was it really for the reasons they gave me? Or didn't they want me to grow up and get independent?
I remember I didn't ask a second time. That was not done where I grew up. If your parents gave you a clear NO for an answer, you didn't ask twice. You didn't even dare to ask again, because that would only make things worse..

Our youngest one has asked us the same question. Excuse me, not the same. She doesn't want a Vespa. She wants a Honda Dax. I understand her longing for independence. I recognize the feeling of wanting to grow up and doing whatever you want to do. She wants to go out. She wants to feel free. Her dad is ready to give in. He had a motorcycle when he was her age. I didn't. I wanted one, like I described a couple of minutes ago. I never got one. I got myself a car though. I worked on the week-ends and during the holidays, so I could save money to buy my own car. At the age of 18, you are pigeonholed in the ADULT category and you get to decide what you want to spend your money on. I try to reason with Eva. I want to convince her to get a job first and save money in her bank account. It's not just the money for the purchase of the Dax. It's a whole lot more...

She will need a place to park her treasure. She will need money for insurance and gas and maintenance and a helmet (a good, decent one, to make sure her brain doesn't get all mushy in case she .. aaarrgghhhh I don't even want to go there!). She's not being reasonable about it. She is angry and disappointed and frustrated with me. I'm sure at this stage, she hates me. I know she wanted this Dax for her 16th birthday. She got a one year membership on her favorite fashion magazine. It's less dangerous and it was something else on her wish list.. That her boyfriend rides a Honda Dax, isn't helping much either....

The discussion is not closed yet. We're not done. There is room for discussion. It doesn't have to be a battle. I don't like this wrangling. I hate it as much as she does. I just want her to think about it. To consider my objections and to find answers for the questions I have asked. I want her to start saving money to buy her little treasure. If only she would make an effort.. then we can talk again, in some time.

Déjà vu

A pleasant family dinner around the kitchen table. We are all babbling and having nice conversations.
She is poking her food with only her fork, one of her feet on the chair and her knee sticking out above the table. Daddy reprimands her to put her foot down and keep her knees below the table. She rolls her eyes, mouth wide open and gives him that "gimme a break" look. She keeps talking and doesn't give in. He asks her again and she's getting annoyed now, saying: that's the most comfortable way for me to sit, okay? And he replies: would you sit like this in a restaurant?? NOT! And she talks back: are we sitting in a restaurant at this moment?? NO!

Was it my youngest daughter or was it me? She says it's her genes. There's nothing she can do about it... This sounds so familiar.. I have a déjà vu.. and it's not the first time.

My heart skips a beat

It seems like yesterday, when I gave birth to this beautiful little girl. All tiny and pure, she came into this world and stole our hearts right away. She turned 16 today. When I looked at her this morning, I saw a pretty young lady, preparing herself to go to school and celebrate her birthday with her friends. I saw bright stars in her eyes and the straight shoulders reassured me that she has truly become an independent, outgoing girl. She is loved by her friends and now there is this special young man who is giving her the goosebumps she has been longing for. I hugged her so much this morning and had a hard time to let go of her childhood. It felt good to hold her close to my heart and kiss her rosy cheeks. I'm proud of my little girl. She's doing real well..
Happy Sweet 16, honeybun.. We love you with all our heart.

Is someone cutting onions in here?

Sometimes I hear these life stories that make me really sad.. At times, people can become so lonely life is no longer worth living...

What if your happy family falls apart after your only child gets diagnosed with an awful cancer they can't get rid of? How hard is the struggle to remain optimistic and help your child get through this ordeal? It takes a whole lot of strength to cope with situations like this. There is no free time when your child is seriously ill. You have no social life, because you don't want to leave that child in someone else's hands. So friends stop asking you out and your world becomes more narrow by the day. It drifts you and your husband apart, because there is no more energy left for romantic dates. The child looses the battle, the husband moves house and you get lost in a house that has all of a sudden become way too big.

You don't cope well. You get sick too. The pain is too immense. There are no happy circumstances to look forward to. No sweet 16's, no weddings, no grandchildren. There are no more birthdays to celebrate. No more cuddling on the couch or sharing blankets while watching a movie on TV. There will be nobody asking you if you would like a glass of wine too. Coming home from work, the house is cold and empty and silent. You forget the sound of your own voice, because you are afraid to speak in that empty void your house has become...

A young lady get's diagnosed with the awful C-word. She's too young. Her mother holds her and strokes her hair at night, telling her she will be okay. They go together like carrots and peas, because there's nobody else. They cling to each other and they become each others best friend. The C-thing gives up and hope reoccurs. Life is good and things get better. Until faith chooses otherwise and leaves the young lady without her mom. Now there's only a star in heaven that looks out for her. The young lady has to grow up even faster now, trying to make a life of her own. It's hard and she misses her mom and best companion like crazy. Nobody knows about her grief and she suffers in silence.

The C-word is back in her life. Things are different now. That one special person she called mommy is no longer there to help her get through this ordeal. It's only her and C. Imagine coming home from chemo in an empty house, all sick and drained from the treatment. Nobody there to give you a cuddle. No reassuring words and no strokes on the hair or a pat on the shoulder. You crawl in bed and you shed the tears that no one will hear. You cry until your body feels raw and empty. You cry even more, when doctors tell you, the therapy is not working. Do you have the right to give up? Can you find the strength to keep fighting? 

Creating lasting memories

She was walking around Ghent, in between babysitting hours.
He took the bus from his house to Ghent, to see a glimpse of her.
They ran into each other at Petit Coeur, a unique coffee place in the middle of town. That's where they had lunch together. Do you think they were holding hands?
He didn't have much spare time, but nevertheless, he chose to take that bus and surprise her. I think that was a very lovely thing to do. She probably sighed ooh's and aah's.
Her eyes light up with every text message he sends her. She talks in a softer voice. Daydreams distract her from whatever she's doing and her mind drifts off every often so. I'm so happy for her. Being in love is wonderful and is to be cherished.
I'm glad she's telling me more about him. I believe he's good for her. She's my little girl, growing up to become a young woman. I think she's ready for it. I think I am too...

Butterflies

She's in love... I can tell it by the look in her eyes.. They look radiant. She speaks in a soft voice now and I can almost see the butterflies twirl around in her tummy. She's nearly 16 and she has become a beautiful young lady. Her shiny hair and her beautiful smile could make any boy turn his head. Hold on to that wonderful feeling sweetie. It's the best feeling ever...

Just the way you are

Every day I discover new things about you and your personality. I'm happy with who you are and what you stand for. You're a smart girl and you look gorgeous. You take good care of yourself and spend quite some time in the bathroom. I guess you are ready for a boyfriend and want to show the best of you. You are beautiful just the way you are. There's no need to put on make up. Show your natural beauty and highlight your smile, because when you smile your broadest smile, your eyes laugh and that's irresistible. Boys like girls who are not afraid to be themselves. There's no need to copy someone else. We have seen you go through different stages in puberty. Trying to discover yourself, you try out different styles and attitudes. That one special boy will find you, don't worry. He will be there before you know it. You already have lots of friends, and quite some male friends. They like you sweetie. Don't try too hard. It all starts as being friends...

Clutter causes stress

Admit it: clutter causes stress... I'm not much of a housewife when it comes to cleaning the house (like in mopping the floors, cleaning windows, vacuuming, ..) although I really like a clean house. To me, it is important to have a clutter free house. There is always clutter in a family house. If everyone would pick up after themselves, it would save a lot of time cleaning up. There are some helpful tips to keep the house tidied up and to get rid of the stress that comes with clutter.

• Keep a basket handy at all times. Whenever you go around the house, bring your basket along and gather all the clutter. Give every person in the household their own cabinet (we have these cabinets under the stairs). Put the clutter in the right cabinet and let your beloved ones sort out their own clutter once a week. Whenever they are missing something, they will know where to look.
• Keep a box for missing socks. It happens all the time. Keep them all in one box and go through this box every now and then to match pairs. It also works for gloves.
• Have a box that says: Dressmaker. Whenever you find an item that needs sewing up or repairing, put it in this box with a little note stuck to it that says what it needs done.
• Make your bed as soon as you get up. Coming into a bedroom with an untidy bed, always make the room look like crap. And don't we all love a well made up bed when we are ready to go sleep? Change your bed linen every other week for wonderful night times.
• Hang up any wet towels right after showering. It keeps the bathroom clean and it gives the towels the opportunity to dry. Open the bathroom window at the same time, to let fresh air come in and let the fog on the mirror drift away.
• Put away your coat, gloves, umbrella, shoes, .. when you are still in the hallway. What makes you think coats should be hung on a chair in the dining room if there are clothes hangers in the wardrobe?
• We have tons of blankets to have that cozy feeling sitting on the couch at night. It's easy to fold them and put them away when you go to bed..
• Whenever you go to the kitchen, bring something that was left on the coffee table, like empty glasses, yogurt containers, spoons,.. Don't just put them in the sink. We do have a dishwasher and a bin.
• Fill up the dishwasher while you are cooking, so the sink is not loaded once dinner is over. (that's my job for the upcoming weeks - I know I make a terrible mess in the kitchen when I cook)
• Take of your clothes near the hamper. It's easier to put them right where they belong, so the laundry gets done in time.
• Put away freshly ironed clothes. It's wonderful to open your wardrobe and see everything is cleaned up and tidy.
• Do small favors for other people in the house, without expecting anything in return. It makes life so much easier.
• Put a new bin liner in the bin when you take out the trash. Don't forget to pick up any dropped items.

Kiss me goodbye

This morning, around 5:20 AM, our car was packed with suitcases and bags. Three beautiful young ladies were sitting in the backseat, very quiet and somehow sad. Hubby and I were in front, trying to hold back the tears. I turned off the radio, for the music didn't seem to be appropriate. Only 15 more minutes, before we had to say goodbye to our new member of the family.. Ilaria is going home. She has been living with our family for 3 months, as an exchange student. Coming from Bari, the Southern part of Italy, Ilaria had a hard time coping with our cold season and chilly evenings. Going to school in a very different setting, she couldn't understand why she couldn't use her cell phone during school hours or chew gum in the class. The rules were pretty stupid, in her opinion. Back then, she could've decided to go home and rejoin her own class and continue her life. But she didn't.. She hung in and talked to us about her concerns and questions. We are glad she persevered.

The taxi was waiting for us at the school gate. Gianmario, the Italian friend who came to Belgium with Ilaria, was standing on the curb, tears in his eyes. Even this young man had mixed feelings about going home. After all, having spent 3 months in a Belgian home is an experience. On one hand you want to go home and see your family and friends. On the other hand, you have to leave your new family and friends behind, not knowing if you will ever see them again.. The taxi driver was emotional too, I could tell. But then again, he was not just a taxi driver. This young man had become very friendly with these Italian youngsters. He even came to visit Ila for a last time yesterday afternoon..

Yesterday was a very strange day. So many things we wanted to say, so many stories left to share. We knew this relation would not just stop here. There is Skype and Italy is not the end of the world. I'm sure the girls wouldn't mind visiting her and her loved ones. We have a lot of memories, many thoughts to make our faces smile. I'm sure we will all have to get used to being by ourselves again. That one bedroom looks so empty now and there is no fifth chair at the kitchen table. Tonight around 9:30 PM, nobody will come down the stairs and ask: Can I take a "douchan"?

We will miss you, Ilaria Landriscina.. You are a wonderful girl and we enjoyed your company. You will make more rides with Daddy Cars in the future and your Belgian sisters are looking forward to going out with you in Bari. I'm not to sure about the piercing you promised Eva though... Hahaha... we'll see. Rebba, Inthe and Arthurio are looking for you and they can't find you. Inthe was on the sofa wearing your "muts". I think I will listen to Gente di Mare and dream of a visit to your beautiful home..

Just you and me

We need those special mother and daughter moments. They are valuable and they are moments to cherish. Both of you were asked to look for an activity we could do together. I had overheard you talk about getting a massage numerous times. So it wasn't too hard to plan that activity. You've had some strenuous days and your muscles deserved some rest. Two staff members treated us at the same time in the beauty salon. It felt great to spend some special time with you and our bodies are all smooth and relaxed now. We can only benefit from it. Thank you for being you. You are the best you can be.

Love,

your mom

Slow motion

Last night, I was on the phone with a friend. She used to have a fulltime job. I say "used to", because she quit the job to have more quality time with her family and do things that are more important to her. She wants to be independent instead of working for a boss. She asked if I remembered our conversation on working moms and stay-at-home moms. I did.. During that conversation I told her that my life is so hectic and full of activities although I only "work" 10 hours a week. She always thought I had plenty of Me Time to spend. NOT! Now she's a stay-at-home mom too, she understands. She thinks it's because we are not rushed to do anything, because there's no deadline. I don't agree.. My life is not passing by in slow motion, on the contrary. I make to do lists, just like if I would be at work. Things need to be done. There's cleaning to do, laundry to be washed, groceries to be done and meals to be cooked. The kids need a driver (we have 3 kids now), they need help with homework (I forward their questions to their dad... I admit). At the end of the day, I'm glad I can take a seat and relax a bit. Who says stay-at-home moms don't work? We don't have someone who picks up the clutter while we are at work. There's nobody to cook our meals by the time we come home. The gardener leaves the work up to my husband and we don't pay a dogsitter to walk the dogs. But you know what? I like it this way. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm proud of it.

There's a time and a place for anything

Being a teenager is real hard. You don't have a true identity yet and there are so many desires and wishes you want to fulfill. Being 15 is not like being 18. Growing up comes with responsibilities and getting privileges is not a one way direction. We need to find a good balance that all parties can be happy with. I know you compare with what your friends can do. We did the same thing when we were young. Some friends could go out later than we could. But we also knew that there were other friends who couldn't go out at all...

I was 18, the first time I could really go out. The plan was, to go to a New Year's Eve party in the pub just around the corner. I was totally excited about this night out. My friends had invited me over and I felt so grown up about going out. I even got a special outfit and new shoes.
Getting ready for the party, my mom told me I had to be home at midnight, 00:00 sharp to be exact. I was gobsmacked.. What did she mean, midnight??? It was New Year's Eve after all?? Everybody would make fun of me, for having to go home at such a ridiculous time..

I tried to talk my father into staying out later. He gave me that look, that didn't mean any good. He told me I had to be in by 00:00. There was no other option. I told him that the party wouldn't start till 00:00. I would miss out on all the fun. He answered me that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. He had made his point: either I came home at midnight or I didn't go out at all. I was really upset but I knew his words where to be followed. I decided I was going to make the best of it. All of my friends were waiting for me to have dinner in the pub. We had a great time, laughing and being in each other's company. It was getting close to midnight. I kept looking on my watch - I had to be home in a couple of minutes. I didn't know what to do. Some friends dared me to stay later - others understood my dilemma and told me to go home in time. The countdown for the new year started and I kissed my friends good night. I opened the door of the pub, took a last glance at the people partying and ran home. By the time my key opened the door, I could hear the grandfather clock hit twelve o'clock. My mom looked at the clock, she looked at me and she went to bed. My heart was beating too fast, because I had run so hard to be home in time. I took a shower and got into my pajamas, reflecting over my first night out. I really wanted the night to not have ended that soon. But hey, I did have a great time. I had seen my friends, my outfit was great and we had enjoyed each other's company. It had been a night to remember. I can tell you, because 23 years later, I still remember how my cheeks were glowing with joy for that wonderful night out..