It's been a productive day

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

I hate to clean house, I really do. Don't get me wrong: I love clean houses, but I don't like to clean them. It makes my back ache and it's really fulfilling the moment you're done, but within the hour, the sparkle is gone. It seems so pointless although I see the point of living in a clean house. Are you still with me?

Anyway, today my schedule read: Hubby work - tennis tournament, Lana - studying in Bruges, Eva - babysitting in Ghent. Meaning: I'm home alone! Meaning: the ideal moment to clean house :( I got started early this morning and by the time I had got the hoover out of the cabinet, my urge to clean had already left my mind.. I wanted to cook and bake and stroll through recipes on the Internet. I wanted to go grocery shopping and I wanted to present some kind of fancy dessert in my new Jamie Oliver bowls. But sometimes things just need to be done and today seemed like a good moment to do so, since I was home alone, the sun was out so the dogs and cat could play outside all day. Not?

I cleaned. I really did. But I cooked and I baked more than I cleaned. It was so satisfying to have fun in the kitchen. So many recipes to try out, so many ingredients to be tasted. In between recipes, I would sweep the floors and move furniture around. I would dust window sills and vacuum all of that pet hair on the couch. I must admit, it kinda looked good to see those pillows neatly on a cleaned couch with freshly washed throw blankets. The windows were ajar to let

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

some the breeze in and my bottle of Febreze cleaned the air of dust and kitchen smells. Nevertheless, the kitchen was calling me to make Oven puffed pancake topped with berries for lunch. I enjoyed every bite sitting on the deck and was already thinking of my next dish to cook: home made ricotta ravioli with a lima bean and pea side. How I love to make my own pasta dishes... it's so satisfying and pleasant and a wonderful way to have some Me Time. No other hobby can give me this amount of pleasure as cooking and baking does. It's addictive to come up with new recipes, try them out, improve them and share them with the world. So many people who want to try out my food. I'm convinced they would like a BUY NOW button on the Internet when they see the food pics pass by.

Just the other week, an acquaintance asked me if I could make dessert for 50 guests next weekend. Of course I can! I have given it a thought and I came up with 5 wonderful desserts her guests will endeavor. So looking forward to that!

Photo Cathy Van de Moortele

Should I go back to school and get a professional training in cooking and baking? I would love to... but I don't know if it's possible. Things are already quite hectic around here. Those classes are time absorbing but my fingers are itching and my heart is longing for more knowledge and improvement. Thinking of it, I'm ready to indulge my grilled peach dessert... wanna have a bowl?

Cooking and baking is not the best hobby if you have diabetes. I decided not to use substitutes in my recipes. I want the real thing so my recipes are nowhere near low carb. So be it. I put enough effort in taking care of myself and I try to keep my A1c as low as possible, but I'm not willing to give up on good food. It's too important for me to keep doing what I love to do. Too bad cleaning is not my hobby.. It would make life a whole lot easier.. and boring.

I can fight my own fight

We have lunches together. We like to hang out and chitchat. Most meetings are diabetes related. That's what happens when you have lunch with peers. Probably very boring if you're not interested in diabetes, but hey: we can all relate! It's not that we have nothing else to talk about, but diabetes is always one of the subjects. Not one person with diabetes has the exact same treatment as yours so it's always interesting to hear other people about their experiences. Although we always make fun of our friend Jan - we keep saying he doesn't really have T1 diabetes, since his numbers are just so steady - we wouldn't want to skip a meeting with him. He's witty and smart and he's so good at keeping his blood glucose steady, that he numbs us with the result. There's no way we will ever get where he has always been, but that's okay. We all do the best we can with the tools we have access to.

Same for our friend Katrien. She has had diabetes for a much longer time. She was just a teen when she got diagnosed. Back in those days, treating T1 diabetes was really hard. The tools were different and so was the approach. Things have evolved since. Katrien said goodbye to her insulin pens and instead, she starting using an insulin pump. Just before that switch, she got herself the best device possible to treat her condition. She and her loving husband got hold of the Dexcom G4, the Continuous Glucose Monitoring system, that tells us our BG at all times, day and night, day in day out. It warns us for upcoming highs and lows. I met Katrien before she got the Dexcom. Her life and that of her husband, was completely different. She would suffer from severe diabetic comas and epileptic seizures. At least once a month, she would loose consciousness due to a severe low. None of that has happened since she started using CGM. What a relief, what a difference. Her life has changed for the better. She has finally got the chance to alter her treatment and it feels good to see her get better.

We can fight our own fight, no doubt about that. After all, we have to fight our fight every day of the
year, year after year. It is a chronic disease, remember? We know what our body can handle and most of the time, we know why we went out of line. But still, it is good to sit down with peers every now and then, to tell our story and hear the other. I'm grateful for these meetings. Love you guys...

Unconditional love

At the age of 21, my friends were discussing their wish to get married and their hunger for children. I could not relate to their dreams, since they were so different from mine. I wanted to find a place to live on my own. I wanted to travel and see the world. The desire to be independent and free, was greater than the search to settle with someone else. I had had my number of relationships and there were plenty of families with children that asked me to babysit. But under no circumstances had I foreseen a family of my own.. 

Not planned at all and as a total surprise, I gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. Just two years apart but so different, they are the best thing that ever happened to me. Being given the chance to mother these two girls, has made me a better person. They make me look at myself and question my life, so I can give them the education and love they deserve. It brings me so much joy to hear their stories and witness their growth in life.  It takes effort and tears, laughter and happiness and it's a hard job. But being a mom is the only job worth doing for the rest of your life. You can never quit being a mom. These beautiful daughters are my life, my future, my hope and my comfort. They make me breathe and laugh. A film of their progress in life is running through my mind today. I can see them as babies, toddlers, preschoolers and I see their life change going to high school and turning into young teens. They are almost the same age I once was and I wonder if they will ever have a family of their own. 

Thank you for giving me the chance to be your mommy. It's the best gift I could've wished for.. 

Things I enjoy always

• Pampering my family
• Cooking, not matter what time a day (or night)
• Baking, the process and the result, not necessarily eating it (I'm not that much of a sweet tooth)
• Meeting up with friends over lunch or/and dinner
• Talk about diabetes
• Surfing the Internet 
• Good readings on my Dexcom
• Hazelnut Creamer
• High heels (I don't mind the sore feet afterwards)
• Hugging our whippets
• A new haircut or a good manicure
• Traveling
• A nice bouquet of flowers, for no particular reason
• Family get togethers
• The US
• Movies based on true stories
• Buying cookbooks and reading them like novels
• Turn up the music in the car and sing along
• A clean house (but I hate cleaning house)
• Home made ravioli
• Diet coke
• Fine dining
• New outfits from my favorite store
• A perfect Latte Macchiato
• Sheep skin slippers
• Happy faces
• The sun

On solid ground

Being in love for the very first time, is just the best feeling ever. You can feel your cheeks blush every time you think about him. You can't focus in school and it's like you are walking on roses. Your arms are too long and you're striding and skipping with a broad smile on your pretty face. People say you gloom and they see lights twinkling in your eyes. That's what love does to one.. It's a feeling you want to hold on to forever and "forever" is a word you use in most of your sentences now.

You get older. You have met different people and you start dreaming about a future. Maybe you want to meet more people and discover the world and enjoy your youth, before you commit to someone. You fall in and out of love and you just like to hang out with friends and have a date every night and then. Cuddles are welcome and you like the feeling of being loved. It's been a while since you've been truly in love.

You meet this one guy and you know this is the person you want to grow old with. It may sound boring and very predictable, but it feels right to you. You no longer doubt if the love is mutual, because you can tell this guy is not only madly in love with you, you feel the same about him. He supports you in whatever you do and you are interested in his dreams. Both of you look forward to the other half to come home from work. There is candle light and romance, there are serious conversations and no harsh words during discussions. There are comforting arms to hold you whenever you feel sad and there's a thumb pointing upwards to cheer the victories in life. He brings you flowers when you least expect it and he opens the door to the restaurant for you. You bring him goodies while he watches the sports channel on TV and you enjoy his enthusiasm even though soccer doesn't interest you at all. There's so much looking forward to going abroad on a vacation and you do nothing but relax and enjoy each other..

It's been some time since you first met. You think about the past and those first years together. Memorable moments cross your mind, some with tears, some with a smile and a wink. The butterflies are no longer present all the time. Things have changed. Love has presented itself in a different way. You understand each other better as time goes by. You share a past together and you're looking forward to a future. The children start living their own life and there are more moments to spend as a couple. It's like starting all over again. At times, you feel the butterflies have come back. It's a special feeling. It's a blessing.

Then there was nothing but silence..

They were sitting at the table, facing each other. The television was playing loud, showing a cycling event, and I could hear the comments of the reporters, making jokes and keeping a good eye on the cyclists at the same time.

They were quiet, having their prespread sandwiches. She got up from the table, shambled towards the bathroom, her bowl of soup in her hands. I sat on the bed and watched her manners. She would empty the bowl in the toilet, flush and come back to the table, to finish her early dinner. They sat there, in complete silence. He was looking at me, winking and I could see the corner of his mouth curl up. He continued to take little bites from his sandwich. I asked them what cold cuts they had been given. They had no idea. They forgot, I guess. They were not interested either. He said he preferred making his own sandwiches at a time that was more appropriate to be called dinner time.

A friendly lady walked into the room. She was in a hurry, I could tell. "Are you finished," she asked, while she was clearing the table. Maybe the answer was not important to her, since she didn't await the answer. Dinner was over. Time to take that handkerchief and wipe their mouths. She shuffled back to the bathroom to flush the toilet again. I asked why she got rid of the soup. She said she hated soup. She did like buttermilk porridge though.. I urged her to talk to the head nurse, to see if she could have porridge instead of soup. She gave me that special look, that needed no further explanation. I dropped the subject..

He was still sitting at the table, picking up little crumbs that were left on his placemat. He gathered as many as he could, to pile them up in one corner. She sat down again, waiting for the evening to come. Pretty soon, one of the nurses would come in to help them get into their jammies. It was only 5:00 PM. There wasn't much to say. It was not an unpleasant silence though. They didn't need words to understand one another. They had been together for so many years, they knew what the other was thinking. They looked outside the window, to see nothing but a dull wall and a garbage bin. I kissed them on the cheeks. I rubbed their back and wiped away a tear that had been stinging in the corner of my eye. I left their room, thankful for the love they felt for each other. Thankful, that at least they were together. Things could've been worse. They could have spent their days in a room with a total stranger, in a totally different kind of silence. Their silence was comforting. It was not to be dreaded..

I still miss you.. I miss your wisdom, your strength, your ability to be without speech.

Just pull the plug

I'm not the right person if you are looking for New Year's Resolutions. I have been looking forward to reorganizing my kitchen though. Since I started working as a Tupperware consultant, my cabinets have been pampered with new Tupperware containers and tools. I love my Tupperware. I have come to a point that I want nothing but Tupperware in my cabinets. I'm thinking about clearing out cupboard by cupboard and making the right decision in keeping or getting rid off. So if you're interested in getting some second hand kitchen goodies, just yell. Any leftovers will go to the Thriftstore without hesitation. I'm so looking forward to having de-cluttered cabinets.

I would like to reorganize my cabinets and keep all of my different size mixing bowls in one place, together with my measuring cups and spoons, shaker, baking mats, baking tins and MultiFlex silicone pans. There has to be a better way than what I'm used to. There should be a cabinet for (non)electrical devices, that includes my mixer, blender and Tupperware devices: TurboMax, QuickChef, ExtraChef, SpeedyChef, MandoChef. Can't believe I haven't bought the TurboChef yet. Have to write that down on my Tupperware wishlist. They all come in handy. I couldn't choose between any of them and no: I will not give up my Tupperware devices.

I would like to get rid of my deepfryer. It would be healthier not having one around. But I think my Hubby will not agree on this one. Maybe I should put it deeper down the cabinet, out of sight and empty?
I have plenty of microwave containers. They have been designed for reheating and cooking in the microwave. My MicroGourmet is just wonderful. Love to steam my potatoes and veggies all in one. It's a good way to cook healthy food.

Counting my wooden spoons, I realize they are no longer worth keeping. I'm throwing them out. They don't look good anymore and I can replace them by Tupperware spoons, that are much easier to clean and prettier to look at. I assume that rule will work for the knives on my countertop as well. Since I've been using the Tupperware knives, I no longer use my old knives so why bother hanging on to them and have the overloaded tools canister tip over every so often? There's one knife I will keep, despite its grungy look and blunt blade. It's the knife I inherited when I left my student's room. I'm gonna hold on to that one just one more year (or so).

I know some of the tools I use, would probably never be bought by you. I'm thinking of my garlic press or my ginger grater, the cheese mill, pasta maker and my Kenwood standmixer. They are essential to me though. I use them so often that I don't know how I would do without.

I'm getting a little depressed here. Am I sure I'm willing to let go of things? Or am I just making excuses why most of it should stay? I could use a hand in deciding what I use on a regular basis and what is just a gimmick. I want those cabinets organised and less full and cluttered. I'll get there. Trust me, it won't be done in one day, but I'll get there.. While reorganizing, I might as well soap down all of the cabinet interiors and ... AARRGGGHHH.

I can kick my own butt

I remember how impatient I was at the age of 18. I really wanted to get that driver's license as soon as possible. It would mean freedom, it would mean a milestone in my life. The day you turned 18, you didn't think much of getting a driver's license. You had your bus pass that brought you wherever you wanted to go or there was mom picking you up or driving you to places. I didn't understand. Why would you not want that independence?

One at a time, your friends started taking driving classes. In school, there was the opportunity to take your written exam and you passed right away. Cheer cheer! It was time to start taking classes. We decided both mom and dad would teach you the first classes, so you would build some confidence to drive with a teacher. I remember my first driving lesson: Never ever before had I had the steering wheel in my hands. My teacher couldn't believe me. He told me to start the car and hit the road and I felt pretty stupid and embarrassed that I had no idea how. He was very patient with me though, and it took me no more than 10 hours of driving to get my license. Things have changed quite a bit since then. I was so confident I was a good driver, but seriously: by no means was I able to face traffic. I knew how to shift gear and slam my breaks but come on, I couldn't drive at all! 10 hours of driving is by far not enough to get your permit.

Since you're in college, Bruges seemed like the best place for you to take classes. You finally decided it wasn't a bad idea after all, so you signed up and you set your goal: you wanted that licence before the end of the year. You cursed at yourself for failing in traffic at times and you would chew your lip if things were getting hectic. But overall you did real well. You listened to your teachers and you followed their advice. You even tried to correct us parents for not doing the right thing...

The date was set: you were going to do your driving test on Christmas Eve. I told you there were two options: either you would succeed or you would succeed with flying colors. I had no doubt you would go for the second option. Your teacher gave you 2 more hours of driving class right before the exam. Around 2:30 PM it was time for you to own that car and show the examiner you were in control. I was already on my way to Bruges to pick you up. 45 min after you started driving, I held my phone in my hands, to await your text message that you had passed. And you called and you laughed and then we both started to shout: woohoo!! Flying colors! Congrats sweetie! You just opened another door to a bright future. So proud of you! 

Hello World

It was freezing cold this morning. I didn't feel like getting out of bed yet, especially not after lacking too much sleep. But it was a working day and there's nothing left to do than get up and going. A cup of hot coffee and steamed milk got me going. I cuddled the whippets before I sneaked out and into my car. Driving up the highway, I turned on the radio and the wonderful song Hello World immediately made me smile. Looking in my rearview mirror, I could see a beautiful sunrise and I had a hard time focusing on the road ahead of me. My eyes kept going back to see that beautiful orange ball of fire. Life is swell, even when it's dark and cold..

Scatterbrain

Honestly, I don't know what happened, but my mind is always distracted lately. I can't focus properly, I forget things and I don't seem to hear what people try to tell me. Too often I have to ask my friends to repeat what they have just said, because I missed parts of the conversation. It's like my brain is not keeping up with the thoughts?

I'm too busy doing a zillion things. I need to make priority lists so I can get things done before they get out of hand. So much running around, driving way too many miles in too little time. Rush rush in the rat race. I long for next week. I long for some quiet time.. My brain just doesn't stop talking to itself. There are so many things I need to remember and cannot forget. Forgive me for not hearing you or for asking things for the third time. I'm getting there. Today will be more organized. Maybe my hairdresser can massage my skull and let some tension drift off. A night out with my sister-in-law sounds very appealing, so we're heading towards the beauty salon together. Zen...

CHAOS

I guess you're familiar with CHAOS aka Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome? You know, the times when your house is a total mess? When you haven't cleaned properly for weeks and piles of laundry are about to take over the washing room? Every day I realize I'm not Superwoman. I don't like to clean although I would love to live in a Spic & Span house. I bookmark tips and tricks on Pinterest although I never get to try them. There are so many cleaning products in the house and they make me feel good looking at them. I dream of a spotless kitchen and it would be great to sit on a furfree couch. But hey! We have kids and we have pets. We run busy lives and we are not spending most of our lives outdoors. In fact, I spend quite some time inside the house, doing other chores than cleaning. I love to cook and yes, flour may dust my kitchen cabinets while I'm kneading bread dough. I stopped apologizing for it some time ago. Take it or leave it. You're all welcome here and I love having you over. The girls can bring friends along and sleepovers get served breakfast if they get up early enough. I like the smell of oven casseroles late at night, while the lights are dimmed and the TV has been turned off. I see some dust on my cupboards and I know both fridges could do with a decent clean up, but I prefer to go through my recipes and find more inspiration for the upcoming week. I just realized I don't have many cookbooks for vegetarians. I have one, my youngest daughter surprised me with last Christmas. It's a wonderful book with great recipes and ditto pictures. Do you think she was already preparing a vegetarian lifestyle back then? Or maybe she just wanted to surprise me with a cookbook that didn't talk about meat too much, since I'm not that much of a meatlover anyway. I went grocery shopping this week and I bought meat for 1 week. The amount was pathetic. Just for my husband, who was used to eating 3 pieces of meat per meal before he met me. He went down to just 1 piece of meat nowadays. I'm sure he'll never never never ever become a vegetarian, but there's no need to. As long as he respects our menu too. So far so good!

I'm not a new kid on the block

Isn't it funny, that so many non-diabetics let us diabetics know how to treat our disease? They send us emails concerning healthy diets, they point out natural cures like cinnamon (no, it does not replace insulin, sorry) or some organic coffee to lower your bloodsugar. Sometimes I feel like a real idiot for not knowing about these simple cures.. Where was I all that time?

I read this letter today, written by someone with D. It says exactly how I feel when it comes to "helping" someone with diabetes. It could be interesting to read. After all, don't we all know people with this condition? Excuse us for the inside jokes among diabetics. We are allowed to make those jokes. My friends know why we look out for knee high shorts on sales. Those are personal insider jokes, not jokes non-diabetics may make..

Diabetes Etiquette for people who DON’T have diabetes

• DON’T offer unsolicited advice about my eating or other aspects of diabetes: You may mean well, but giving advice about someone’s personal habits, especially when not requested, is not very nice. Besides, many of the popularly held beliefs about diabetes (You should just stop eating sugar) are out of date or just plain wrong.

• DO realize and appreciate that diabetes is hard work: Diabetes management is a full time job that I didn’t apply for, didn’t want, and can’t quit.

• DON’T tell me horror stories about your grandmother or other people with diabetes you have heard about: These stories are not reassuring.

• DO offer to join me in making healthy lifestyle choices: Not being alone is one of the most helpful things for me.

• DON’T look horrified when I check my blood sugars or give myself an injection: It’s not a lot of fun for me either. Checking sugars and taking medications are things I have to do to be healthy. If I have to hide while doing so, it makes it much harder for me.

• DO ask how you might be helpful: If you want to be supportive there may be lots of little things I would probably appreciate your help with. However, what I really need may be very different from what you think I need, so please ask first.

• DON’T offer thoughtless reassurances. When you first learn about my diabetes you may want to reassure me by saying things like “Hey, it could be worse; you could have cancer!” this won’t make me feel better. And the implicit message seems to be that diabetes is no big deal. However, diabetes (like cancer) IS a big deal.

• DO be supportive of my efforts for self-care: Help me set up an environment for success. Please honor my decision to decline a food choice, even when you really want me to try it. You are most helpful when not being a source of unnecessary temptation.

• DON’T!!! Peek at or comment on my blood sugars without asking me first: These numbers are private unless I choose to share them. It’s normal to have numbers that are sometimes too low or high. Your unsolicited comments about them can add to the frustration, disappointment, and anger I already feel.

• DO offer your love and encouragement: As I work hard to manage my diabetes, sometimes just knowing you care can be very helpful and motivating.

Is it that strange?

I'm scrolling through pictures people have posted on FaceBook. Pictures of their homes, their family, their vacation in some far off place. That's how it goes nowadays. People let you look into their lives, even if you have never met them in real life. You get to know them by their snapshots. Is it surprising to you, that they only upload the pictures that make them look their best? If you're lucky, nobody else will post pictures of you in your right-out-of-bed-look. Only the best shots will make the FaceBook album: dressed to the nines, happy smile, beautiful outfits and straight from the hair salon: picture perfect families. Because we all want to look our best, right? Right?

It's like getting your school report. You tell whoever wants to know, what your grades are. That is, if those grades are good enough to share. If they are not that good to show off, you won't mention them, would you? It's not like you would step up to people and say: hey, wanna know about the bad score I got on my mathematics test? You keep the scores to yourself and you hope nobody will ask about them.

You can tell people about your bad day at work. How crappy it was and how you hope it will end soon. Will you also tell them, that bad day was caused because you went to bed late after an argue with your husband? Is it to their concern that you didn't sleep all night and you want your colleagues to take the blame for your bad day? No, FaceBook will only state: terrible day at work.. and your followers will get back to you saying how sorry they feel for you and that they hope you will have a better day tomorrow. Because we don't want to share what went wrong..

Trying to show the best of us, is what we were brought up with. It was important to our parents, to show how successful you were. It probably makes parents feel better about themselves, if their children do well in school, at work, in their social life. They'd rather not have others know that their son drinks because he can't cope with the high standard life has brought him. They don't want people to find out their youngest got kicked out of school for the second time, so they say he switched school because it had more opportunities. Because we all want to look our best. It is important to us that people have a good impression about who we are.

I'm always happy to share good blood work when it comes to diabetes. I like my numbers to behave and I have no problem typing them down for others to see. Every now and then I even share images of good graphs and "perfect" situations. Because it takes hard work to get those numbers and you put a lot of effort in it. Doctors ask you to do your best and make sure that HbA1c is below 7%. Because you don't want to get nasty complications, do you? They state the importance of having your numbers within range (and the margins become tighter over the years). Not one doctor prepares you for numbers that are way out of line. They don't tell you it is more likely to have off numbers than readings that make you feel good. So you want to live up to their standard. You want your D to be in control. Because you want to look your best. Diabetes isn't easy. It's not always the way you want it to be. It is hard to admit. It doesn't make you a terrible person if you let others know your numbers were way out of range. Then why is it so hard? Why don't we let others see our dark side? I dare you all, to post your worst self pic ever. I challenge you to write on your FB status: "Did lousy at work today. I made my colleagues look bad and I screwed up on a very important job." Don't be afraid about the comments you'll get. I won't fear the comments after having posted a crappy D-day, due to miscalculating carbs for that wonderful cheesecake, high readings, pump sites that stayed in way too long.
I dare you. 

It serves a crowd

There's always something cookin' on the stove or simmering in the oven. Whether it's a hearty dish or a sweet treat: I want to make it! I love the smell of food around the house. I love the heat the oven brings and the goodies on the table when we are having guests over for a night of fun. I (could) fill my days looking for new recipes to try out or writing down my approved recipes on my food blog. It's crazy sometimes, to hear strangers talk about my blog. They are not always aware I'm the person behind the recipes. So their comments are honest and hearing their enthusiasm keeps me going.

My food blog was meant to be a future reference for my girls. I would hate to see my favorite recipes get lost over the years. The original plan, was to make a digital cookbook, 365 days. In the meantime, I have posted no less than 682 recipes! That is frigging awesome! My greatest wish though, is to, one day, have them all printed out in a book. In color, of course. I hate cookbooks without pictures. The pictures are part of the fun and necessary to keep the reader reading. You have to drool over your desk, going through the recipes. Your taste buds need to be tickled and I want to spark that enthusiasm for cooking you didn't know you had in you.

Do you think cooking and eating is like sports? Like in, you can get addicted? I'm not sure... I know what food I like, but I have never had any sort of addiction when it comes to sports. Couldn't live without food or kitchen experiments. Sports haven't killed me, but they haven't actually kept me alive either. Let's stick to what I do best: Cooking and High Heels!

Like tearing off a band aid very slowly

Growing up is about getting chances in life. It's a continuous system of learning and experiencing. Turning 16 makes you long for that 18th birthday. In the mean time, you hang out in school, have good times with friends and there are no worries. The other sex looks more appealing than ever and you start dating. The feeling of being in love is just magical. We all wanted that first real love to be everlasting. Longing to be with your crush becomes priority number one. You write each other little scribbles and his text messages make your cheeks blush. It is exciting to have a boyfriend to love. It feels great to love back..

You loved having your buddy in highschool. Do you remember how the two of you met on the bus? I sure remember the day you asked me if you could spend some time with him. You were in love. I could tell from the look in your eyes. We were happy to invite him over to our house and welcome him into our family not too long after the first encounter. He looked very lovable: curly blond hair, a bright smile that showed off perfect teeth. He played in a band. Blues is what made his heart tick. He was crazy about you. Having dinner together, we learned more about what kept him busy and you sure kept him busy. It warmed our hearts to see the two of you together. I still play his first CD in my car, singing along out loud. He could come over as often as he wanted and you liked spending time at his place too.

Our whippets were not used to having other men in our household and they barked at him the first couple of times he came over. He wasn't crazy about pets since they didn't have any in his household. But he learned to appreciate them and his siblings were thrilled once they got their own puppy. 

We knew difficult times were going to come up once he would leave for University. Things would no longer be the same and the obvious daily meet ups would no longer be there. You would have to figure out different ways to keep seeing each other. That ain't easy, I can tell you. Being a student in college or uni is different from being a highschool kid. He had his own student's room in Ghent and you could visit him there. His rhythm of life was a bit different from yours: he's a true night owl, playing games all night with people all over the world. I liked having him around the dining table, listening to his stories and getting involved in his discussions over life. He got to meet your grandparents, aunts and uncles and he survived! 

You spent a wonderful time with your friend Axelle in Italy. He hitchhiked to Portugal with his friends and that sounded so like him, the adventurous guy. I'm sure he had a ball too.

From now on, you have your own student's room. Not in Ghent, like you planned, but in Bruges. A train ride Bruges-Ghent is not too far off and the picture of the two of you got a special place on your new desk.

Both of you will have good memories of the 2.5 years you spent together. You helped each other grow in life and you learned to love. It was good to have someone around who knew all about you. Things will be a bit different now. You will meet new people and you will have fine conversations with other friends. He will continue to play blues on his mouth organ and he will continue his discussions about life with teachers and friends. We will miss him. You will miss him. He will miss you too... 

Unexpected visitors

We were not expecting anyone. Hubby was working in his garden, the kids were chilling and I was trying to get some more laundry done. Our hallway looked a mess, since we had to break open the floor to find a water leak (that we still haven't located by the way). The house was packed with laundry baskets, waiting to get ironed. And then the doorbell rang. Hmhm... hoping it were not Jehovah wanting to do their Save the world talk, I opened the door. In front of me, there were a man and his wife, holding a present and showing me their best smile. Immediately, I recognized them, as the couple I had helped out the previous month. Driving home from dropping off Eva at the railway station, I saw two car wrecks in the middle of the street. People were standing next to the cars in despair, not willing to leave the place. I was worried about them, so I rolled down my window and urged them to find a better spot. I could tell they were not going to, since they were in shock. Just off the road, I parked my car and ran towards them. Other cars were trying to avoid the wrecks and continued their travel despite the accident that had just happened.

A young girl was still sitting in the driver's seat, wearing her fluorescent vest. She looked calm and not injured at first sight. She told me she had run into the other car, crossing the road on her way home from ballet class. I asked her to step out of the car and find a safer haven. She was reluctant to do so, but I could convince her anyway.

An older lady was on the phone, talking to her son. I heard her say: "She ran into our car! it is totally wrecked! please come over here and help us!! I don't know what to do!" Her husband was standing beside her, looking helpless. He looked defeated and lost and I know they had to get out of there, since this bend in the road is known as dangerous. It wasn't the first and it wouldn't be the last accident at this particular spot. I guided them across the road and asked the owner of the tavern, for 3 chairs and some glasses of water. The young girl was in some sort of shock. She didn't speak, she didn't move. She just sat there. The older couple she had hit, was really upset and the lady said she felt pressure on her chest. Another passer-by had stopped and had called an ambulance. I decided to stay with all 3 victims to calm them and keep on eye on them until the police and ambulance arrived.

My oldest daughter called me. She knew I wasn't going to be long, dropping off her sister in Eeklo. It should take no more than half an hour. When she heard the sirens of an ambulance, she thought it was for me, being in some sort of accident. How foolish of me, not to warn her why I was late. I was at the scene of the accident, but I wasn't involved. I did tell her I was going to join the victims to the hospital, for the lady didn't want to be left alone. I had given her a blanket I always keep in my car. She was shivering, probably the result of being in shock. Trying to keep the conversation going (it is important to keep victims talking so they stay awake and aware), I learned more about this older couple. They told me about their son, who worked with the BOB in Ghent. They told me they had recently moved and they told me about their dogs. I kept a close eye on the young girl, as she was still not speaking or moving. In the meantime, the police had arrived and they invited the young girl into their van to be questioned. Another policeman asked the older man for his insurance papers, which were obviously still in the car wreck. I couldn't believe he asked the man to cross the road again to get the papers... That curve is really dangerous and the man was upset and weak. Maybe the policeman could get it out of the car??

Both the young girl and the older lady were transported to the hospital, in the same ambulance. There were no major injuries, although the young girl started complaining about a swollen leg. Sitting next to the driver in the ambulance, I tried to reassure the older lady, who was still very upset..

It was very nice of them, to stop by and say hi. The lady had already given me a phone call, a couple of days after the accident. She and her husband were so glad I had not left them alone. It was the least I could do.. thinking of my grandpa who had died in a car accident so many years ago..

Who's the best doctor?

Assume you have been seeing the same old diabetes doctor since you were just a young teen. For a very long time, let's say around 30 years, this same doctor has been your hero, the man who has helped you through many ordeals. He has calmed you down when you were completely lost. He understood the high numbers followed by those creepy lows when you had gone out with your
friends. He reprimanded you for not using your glucometer for 2 weeks, because you were fed up with D. He reassured your parents you were going to be okay, when once again, you were in the hospital with DKA. Your parents invited him to your wedding and he congratulated you with your first child. He helped you figure out the lows and the highs and he checked the blue marks on your thigh as a result of the daily nighttime shot. He reminded you to take your vitamin D and to change your needles as often as possible. And then, he announced he was going to leave the hospital. He wanted other, younger doctors to take over. Your world fell apart. How would you cope without him? Not one other doctor knew all about your lows and highs. This man knew you better than your own parents did? Deep down, you knew this day would come. You weren't ready for it. It wasn't easy for him either...

Then this other doctor showed up. He was experienced too. He had a calm voice and a firm hand but he was not your doctor.. You built a shield around you and you were not prepared to let him in. He talked about some device you had never heard of. He tried to persuade you to alter the settings on your insulin pump. Was he out of his mind??? If your settings weren't okay, wouldn't your own doctor have said so? What do you mean, 180 mg/dl is not the best average blood glucose?

You were heartbroken. You wanted to talk to your own doctor and make him come back. He deserved his retirement, absolutely. But why now? Why someone else that you didn't know?

Things are different now. You have to rely on a different method. A doctor with an opinion of its own. Why does he keep saying it is so important to count carbs? Why does he want you to change what has become your way of life? It's not fair. It's still the same disease, then why change it all?

You texted me to ask about the carb content of this and that. We sat down together, to discuss this new device, called Dexcom G4. You were impressed, to your surprise. Maybe it was time to let go. Just like a mom, who is setting her child free to flap her wings, it was time to let go of the old days and the old ways. You were ready for a new milestone. I heard you followed my advice and you got yourself a new insulin pump, bluetooth included. I'm proud of you. Carb counting can be tricky, but seeing what those carbs do to a body infected by diabetes, is beyond interesting. I have this feeling, that you are beginning to like this new doctor. Maybe he's not the enemy. Maybe he's your next challenge in life. You can do this. You're on your way.

Expectations

They expect very little of me. All they want, is that I take care of their little girl in the best way possible. I nourish her, tube feed her the medication she needs and cuddle her on the couch, while she takes one of her naps. I've been taking care of Kiddo for 1 year and a half now and there hasn't been one day of hesitation to leave for work. Every other week I don't work on the weekend. I do miss her if it's been a while. Although she doesn't talk, we understand each other. I talk to you and I sing songs for you. I tell you stories and I comb your hair. I change your knickers and hold your pacifier for you.

I feel blessed, for your parents have asked me to work extra hours. About 9 hours extra a month until the end of the year and then 18 hours extra a month from January on. I didn't have to think it over. Another chance to spend time with you and learn from you. You are very special Kiddo. Whenever you cross my mind, I can see your pretty smile and hear your sound of laughter..

Quality time

That's exactly what it was: grown up quality time. It was meant as a late birthday gift from my Hubby. Our first intention was to plan a city trip abroad, but we changed our mind and decided to spend some special time nearby. A friend of mine had passed on the link of Manoir Ogygia in Poperinge. It was exactly what we were looking for: quiet time, nature, fine dining, relaxation, wellness and each other of course. It was everything we had asked for and more. These are times to meet up again, away from all the hectic times and busy schedules. Time for each other, time for intimacy and bonding (oh please, I said BONDING, not bondage). It was good, not to say it was perfect.

It was good to stroke the crow's feet next to his eyes, for they tell me he's happy and in love. I saw the sparkle in his eyes and the good conversations made us happy. Watching him stretch his broad shoulders, telling me that he's content and proud and that warms my heart. I love him. He's very special to me. We should have more of these get aways. They are worth it...

It's going to be a breeze

That's what I thought when I got diagnosed June 12 2002. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Period.
NOT! I definitely had to sober up when I realized my efforts didn't always kick in the way I wanted them to. My idea of injecting the amount of insulin prescribed by the doctor, was that I would always have great numbers. What a disappointment it was when that didn't happen. There were lows and way too many highs and it was very difficult to figure out where they came from or what had caused them. I assume diabetics are the only people around to shoot up not to get high... Those highs are very damaging to our body. They affect our nerves and eyes, our kidneys and heart. It is very important to keep those highs to a minimum. I have had my share of high numbers (I'm talking HI as in over 600 mg/dl) in my first years after diagnosis. Back then, I didn't count carbs yet (I had not even heard of carbohydrates) and I didn't have an insulin pump. There wasn't much information for me yet and I felt alone in treating this stupid condition.

It's been 11 years. Things have changed. I have a network around me of people who share this same disease and we help each other whenever we can. We get advised and opinions are being shared. It's good to have peers within reach to talk things over. Making the transfer from injecting insulin to using an insulin pump, has been a major improvement in my diabetes treatment. The first years were hectic and more difficult, for back then I did not yet have the support I have nowadays. Learning how to count carbs was another big step in moving on and getting better HbA1c's. But still, 8.5% was the lowest number I could achieve. I wanted that number to be below 8% but I couldn't find the way.

For 3 years now, my numbers haven't been higher than 7.8%. I recently started using Dexcom G4 CGM and my latest A1c was 6.4%!! I'm so proud of where I am now! I'm convinced that number will even get lower. I'm not using that much insulin any more and my insulin resistance has gotten so much better.
The cost of this device is certainly more than worth it. It will help reduce the chance of complications in later life. Trust me, I don't want to die at 50 any more. I plan on living way longer now.

Last night was a hard one. Three lows in a row, that I solved with real coke and scoops of candy. My Dexie woke me up every single time. I would have slept through those lows if it weren't for my special helper. It's another milestone in my diabetes career. And yes, I'm very excited about that...