Thursday, April 30, 2009

Look your best

I finally saved enough money to treat myself with a brand new digital camera. How I have longed for a good camera! I love to take pictures. My last camera failed on me on several occasions and needed 2 new batteries for every 8 pictures I took. So I guess the girls will have a new toy to play with. 

So I checked out some different types and a good friend of mine suggested Canon as the best in the field. I think the camera looks pretty smart and I hope it won't be too sophisticated for me. Because it's my first reflex camera and I'm sure I'll need a lot of practice to use it to its full capacity. 

The Canon EOS 1000D was chosen camera of the year 2008-2009 so I'm pretty confident that it will be a good appliance. Can't wait for the battery to be fully loaded! Let's go out and take some  pictures! 

Traffic Tourette's

Children mimic their parents. So do mine. But not always in my benefit. 
As you may well know, patience is not my best virtue. In fact, I'm the most impatient person around. Really. I have a real problem with people holding up traffic. Then I show signs of Traffic Tourette's, meaning I curse and swear and call the drivers in front of me names. Bad names. Not to be repeated..

Until my 12 yo yells the same expressions, when a slow driver is crossing the street. She yells: move out of the way, farmer! you shouldn't leave your farm!

I'm embarrassed..deeply embarrassed

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

You might think..

that I don't want to go to bed early because of you.. But that's not the case. I'm scared. In fact I'm terrified. I have had so many nightly lows the last months, and I mean low-low (like in the 20s), that I'm anxious to go to bed. I'm afraid my hypo will be so low, that I won't wake up and go into a coma. You are never aware of my lows at night and that scares me even more. Will you realise it, when I'm unconscious? Will you know what to do? What if you have the early shift that day and the kids find me? It freaks me out, it really does.. So I stay up as long as I can. If I don't sleep, I don't have to be afraid that a low won't wake me up. And every time I wake up at night, I poke my finger to check my blood for lows.. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.

I have never passed out before, when I had a low, because mostly I woke up just in time. That's probably what scares me the most: not having had the experience of passing out. Not knowing how it feels or what it does to your body. Well, I don't want to have the first passing out experience at night! I remember being in the hospital at one point, and I asked my endocrinologist to give me an overdose of insulin, just so I could experience a low with passing out. But she wouldn't do it. I thought it was the safest place to try it out, because they would be there to bring me back. But she didn't give in.. So I'm still stuck with this same feeling..

I don't blame you for not understanding how lows feel. You are not a diabetic and although you might know the theory, you haven't been there. Can I expect you to understand it? I tell you in the morning if I had a low at night, but I don't know how you feel about that. Because you don't tell me..

When I saw Dr. Feelgood the other day, he told me to raise my basal pattern in the early morning. I warned him that I would experience even more nightly lows if I did so. But you agreed with him.. you said he was right, because my A1c level is still not below 7%. I thought, of all people, you should be the one that knows how hard I try to get good control. That comment really hurt me. You are supposed to back me up, especially because I do the best I can.

Of course I could lower my basal pattern again, for the night. But I do want a lower A1c! I want you to be proud of me. I want good control. I'm scared of complications, due to high A1c levels. 

I just need you to hold me, and tell me everything is going to be okay..

Let's kiss and make up

When we were kids, my brother and sister and I used to fight over everything. Stupid issues, but that's what kids fight about, right? Whenever my dad would enter the room, he would say we had to kiss and make up. How I hated that phrase!! I never wanted to kiss and make up! I wanted him to listen to me and hear why we were fighting. I wanted him for once in a life time, to listen to us, children, to hear what we had to say. But he never did.. I guess it was the easiest way out for him. He was never really good with solving issues. Neither was my mom. They always thought moving on was the best solution. It lead to major issues that until now, have not been  solved. 

I never learned how to solve conflicts. It's not easy. It's easier to run from the problem than to deal with it. But experience tells me, that it's not the best solution. Because after all, the problems won't go away, on the contrary, they will haunt you. 

So nowadays, I'm still not a fan of kiss and make up. I want to kiss and make up, after we have solved the issue. And I'm still learning. I want to do better. 

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So far away

I can't seem to reach you, you are so far away. 
I don't know what you think, how you feel, because you won't let me in. 
If only I could read your mind. It would be such a help. 
After 15 years, I still don't know you well enough. 
But we have a life time ahead of us to get to know one another. 
And that means it will never get boring. 
Because every once in a while, I discover a new part of you. 
You amaze me at times. 

You are special to me.

Young talent

The Internet is a great medium for young talent. They can upload their video on You Tube and show the world how talented they are.

Today, three young singers got my attention. The English 10 yo Hollie Steel , the Australian Troye Sivan who is 13 and the 15 yo Declan Galbraith.  They have great voices and I adore them already.  

I bought Troye's cd right away. Maybe you should too!
Declan also has a cd. I'd better order that one too. 

Fortune cookies

I have never believed in fortune tellers, until I met this witch doctor who wanted to predict my future, in Potchefstroom, South-Africa. He was old, really old and had barely any clothes on. He held a leather pouch in his hand, and the content of that pouch was about to predict my future.
He made me sit, while he closed his eyes and started to chant. At the time, I thought it was really funny. I was 18 back then and didn't know anything about witch craft. He opened the pouch and started to divide the different objects in sections. I remember seeing the skull of a small bird, the tooth of a lion, a feather of a vulture, a wheel of a matchbox car and a couple of building bricks of Lego, amongst some other things I don't remember.

He looked me right in the eye and got my attention. The chanting went on and I thought it was still kinda funny. Until he said my grandmother had died from the complications of diabetes. Bang! That my grandfather died a couple of months later, because he couldn't live without grandma. Bang again! I had a hard time to swallow and it made me feel a little awkward. 
He went on and said that I had bad knees, caused by a fall. A third bang hit me.. Cheese and rice! what had I gotten myself into??? This was no longer funny..

He asked me for my watch, and I gave it to him. I told him the battery died some days ago, so it wouldn't be of much use to him. He gave me this creepy look and I shut up.. Rubbing the watch between his skinny brown fingers, he said he was ready to talk about my future. I stood up and left.. I never heard what he had to say. 

I think I will stick to the little notes in fortune cookies. They are innocent. They are fun to read. They contain no truth. And they taste good. Without any aftertaste.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Economic vegetarians

I've never been that fond of meat, although the only meat I really love, is.. raw meat.. Carpaccio and steak are my favorite meat dishes. The steak can be baked, but just for one minute on each side. 

Before I was diagnosed with diabetes, I didn't eat veggies. I didn't like them nor did I like fruit. 
People have told me that once you are forced to eat healthy food, you won't go back to junk food. And I must say: in my case, they are absolutely right. I can't imagine my diet without vegetables or fruit anymore. They are the main products in my meals nowadays. 

Meat is not the best choice when you have a slow digestion. My body tells me when I have eaten meat. I feel weird and my intestines aren't happy. So I forget about the meat. 

Do you know how expensive meat is? Especially the meat I like? If you are fond of pork, prices are reasonable. But for quite a few years now, I try to cut back on pork. I'm crazy, you all know that, and I like to make monthly menus of what we are going to have for breakfast - lunch - dinner in the month to come. That's when I realised how much pork we ate. And I wanted to change that. So far so good. But now I'm not only skipping on pork, but also on other kinds of meat. I feel better and it gives me extra money to spend on fresh greens and fruit of all sorts.

Does that mean I'm an economic vegetarian? 

Who's that girl?

Where's my baby...where is the little girl that came into this world, 3 weeks earlier than expected? Where has she gone? When did she begin to grow so tall? 

We planned this pregnancy very carefully. We wanted another baby to love and honour. We wanted you.  And you were everything we longed for. 

You're 12 now. You have your own bank account and social security number. You have a pin code to pay for your own little treats. Many kids want to be your friend, because you are such a fun person to hang out with. Your friends come see you when they are in trouble. They tell you their most secret stories and you keep them to yourself. You are very likable and unique.

You are going away soon. You have picked a boarding school you wish to attend in September. I will miss you big time. And I know you will miss me back. Because we are so much alike. You are a mini-version of me, but better. More refined. More tolerant. More you, than me. I love you for who you are. You're my girl..

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I believe

I believe in me.
I believe in people.
I believe in friendship.
I believe in love.
I believe in the innocence of newborns.
I believe in the honesty of a child.
I believe in charity..

but I don't believe in church. I don't need a church to tell right from wrong. I don't need a priest to tell me how to live my life. I don't need a pope who doesn't understand about AIDS. I don't need some preacher to tell me I'm going to go to hell if I don't attend church. I don't need any religion to hold onto, when I'm not feeling well.

I'm glad my children have a mind of their own. I'm glad we didn't force them to go to church. I'm glad they are good girls, and they value other people. They are caring and loving and not into harming other people. They are not religious. And that's okay. And they will not burn in hell either..

I have faith they will grow up to become valuable, well mannered women, with a heart for their beloved ones. And that's what matters to me.

What I like about you

I think I met you 9 years ago. You turned 40 and I was 29. You were single, I was married with two children. I loved you right away. You have a vibrant personality and you always seem to get my attention. I look up to you and cherish your advice. You are mature and pure and well mannered. You respect me. You are a gentleman. You know about life, because you have been there. We always talk about how we are going to go to South-Africa. Or to the States, because we love the same countries. We share the same love for Californian Chardonnay and excellent food. You are the only person who can criticize me, without upsetting me. Because I value you. And I know your comments are true and for my own good. 
You make me feel like a queen, whenever I am in your presence. It comes natural, and you don't brag about it. It's just who you are..

I never believed in friendship between a woman and a man, without being romantically involved. I do now. You showed me it is possible. And I would never jeopardise this friendship. Because I would miss you terribly. You are special. I'm a lucky woman. 

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Men and white socks

What is this thing with men and white socks? It's not typical Belgian, I've seen it in every country I have been to. White socks are meant for sports. Period. Men tend to exaggerate and especially men wearing white socks. Like it's not bad enough, they will not only wear white socks, they will wear them in brown sandals! DUH! Preferably, they will also wear pants that are too short, so they can show off their pathetic white socks. The waistbands of their pants are usually too wide, so they need a belt to hold up their pants. Ever seen a man in armpit pants? That's how we call pants that are being pulled up to the armpits. Of course you need to tuck your sweater in when you wear armpit pants. And then you strap your belt as tight as you can. Don't forget the rabbit's tail on the key chain, tangling down your belt loop! Just to finish of the look. Because it is a look, after all. 

Men in white socks tend to have Lego hair as well. Most of the time, their hair is getting thinner and some skull is peeping through. So they comb their hair from one ear to the other and then spit in their hands to glue their hair to their heads. 

I would never ever marry a man in white socks. Unless he plays tennis. Like mine.. So he is allowed to wear white socks, in white tennis shoes. 


The other day, I heard Pearl Jam's "Alive" on the radio and it gave me a broad smile. Down Memory Lane... Portland, Oregon, 1992. I went to the US to work as an au pair for a 3 yo old girl. She was cute. I met her cousin. He was cute too. He was 22.. His favorite song was "Alive" and his adoration of the song was contagious. Whenever I hear the song, I'm back in Portland, Oregon. And I'm back to being 21 again..

Eye see you

I was not even 24 when I gave birth to our first daughter. I was living by myself at the time, when I met a wonderful man. We went out on a date and the next day, he moved in, suitcases and all. Two weeks later, I was pregnant. We were delighted to have this first baby of ours, although we had not known each other that long. But the sparkle in his eyes won my heart. He was the man I wanted to be with and he was going to be the father of my children. 

It wasn't easy being pregnant, in between jobs, and no savings to buy the essentials for the baby. But we did just fine. My in-laws are great people and they welcomed me with open arms. I gave them their first grandchild, the first in a row of 9. 

From the moment I saw my little baby girl, I fell in love with her. She was perfect. Lana had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. She was so tiny, born 3 weeks before D-day, but she was absolutely healthy and gorgeous. She looked at me, when she was being breastfed, and it was like she said: I see you, mommy, I see you. And I couldn't keep my eyes of her..

Note: Lana took this picture of herself with her cell phone

Stuffed turkey

It's 1 a.m. and our friends just left. I feel like a stuffed turkey... I ate too much, I had too much to drink and I'm very warm. Hubby just went off to bed, after he cleaned up and I want to check my computer before I'm going to get some sleep.
It's been a great day. Our friends were 2 hours late, because they were caught in a traffic jam. Poor them.. It took them way too long to get here and they were exhausted by the time they got here. I should've driven up the road to meet them halfway, so we could have a pick nick!
But in the end, they got here and I was so happy to see them. We cuddled and we laughed and we had a great time together. I always value their company of a real high standard. They are great people. And they brought me some wonderful presents! Not one, many. For example, the most extraordinary vase I have ever seen, a gorgeous bouquet of long-stemmed white roses, a big tote bag full of Italian goodies (asparagus pasta? I'm anxious to cook those!) and two colorful rubber duckies for the girls - to complete their collection.  
We had a wonderful meal. First we had cocktails and tapas. As a starter, there was the choice of marinated prawn salad with a sticky balsamic dressing or tender tandoori chicken spinach wrap. The main course was pork tenderloin, stuffed with spinach and carrots, covered in mushroom cream sauce, accompanied by French fries, oven baked garlic tomatoes and individual portions of oven baked scalloped root celery- sweet potato casserole. The homemade Italian breadrolls were delicious, with little speckles of sundried tomato and basil, topped with real butter and fresh ground pepper. YUMMIE!
Our guests could choose between homemade chocolate mousse, double chocolate pudding or toffee ice cream with homemade fudge and homemade caramel syrup for dessert.
I'm so happy we finally had another great time together, as I have missed my friends for too long..

Friday, April 24, 2009

Boyz in da house

Today, 4 good friends are coming over, to check out the new look of our house. In 1997, we bought this 100 year old house, in a small town in East-Flanders. There was basically no luxury in the house, meaning just basic electricity, no water, no central heating, no isolation, no nothing. But we thought it was a good price and we were willing to put a lot of effort in the house. It has a large backyard and our town is a delight to live in. Over here, you can still leave your car unlocked in front of the house, in a manner of speaking. 

It took us many years to decide what we wanted to do with the house. But we finally stripped the facade and replaced it with new bricks, a new front door and new windows. And we like it a lot!
A couple of months ago, my father-in-law and hubby pulled up their sleeves and started to sand down the walls so they could paper the walls and paint the interior. A good friend of ours helped us to choose the right colors. He's an interior designer and he's so good with colors! 

Anyway, that same friend, both his brothers and their mom, are coming over to see the results of our hard labor. And I'm going to cook for them. They are very good hosts themselves. They always treat us like royalty whenever we go over to visit them. So now it's our turn to pamper them. I can't wait to see them! All 4 of them are very special to me and I love them. We hug and we chat and love each other as good friends do. And I know I can depend on them. Whenever I'm in trouble or in need of a comforting shoulder, I know who to call.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Trading food with the States

A couple of weeks ago, I met a wonderful family from Indiana, US, on the Internet. The father's family is originally Dutch. He did change his last name by one letter, to make it more American, but he still has Dutch genes, that he cannot deny. Most of his family members have chosen Dutch spouses over American women, but this handsome man picked out a beautiful American lady. 
We have had a couple of email contacts now and this lady friend of mine, told me her husband just LOVES Gouda cheese from Holland. They even bring it from the island of St-Maarten when they go there on a holiday.
We decided to trade food. I will send them a good portion of delicious Gouda cheese and they will refund me with some real American goodies. My gosh, how do I miss this beautiful country.... The postman is my best friend, since he brings me parcels from all over the world. Buying things online is just absolutely fantastic and exciting :-) It makes the world real small and cultures meet through the Internet
Can't wait to hear what they thought of the cheese! And yes, I admit it, I'm looking forward to my surprise parcel as well!

How much is that doggie in the window

You all know these - adorable to some - annoying to others - little dogs. Since "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" (the movie), our youngest daughter can't stop nagging about when she's going to get her own Chihuahua. Please. Hello??? Why can't I have one??? Everybody has one!!

You know what I mean, don't you? And you can understand why she can't have her own Chihuahua, can't you? But 12 yo girls cannot reason when their heart melts over a little dog.. Even if its eyes pop out of its tiny little head. Even if its tail can be used as a paint brush. Even if the only thing it does, is bark in a very high voice. Because that's how I felt about Chihuahuas..

Until I met Zita. And Zita gave me that special puppy look, with her lovely black marble eyes. Zita, who licked me very carefully on the cheek, like she wanted to welcome me. Little white Zita, with the light brown spots on her back. Sweet little Zita, with the long eye lashes (I can't believe I'm even talking about this..), and the white, wiggly tail..

But no! I mean, we have Arthur, our tomcat. We have 3 turtles (red-eared sliders), 4 chickens (no, they don't need a rooster, thank you very much), 1 goldfish (we need a fish for the cat, as he will only drink water from a fish bowl). We have little time, and we like to travel. How could we keep a dog??? Okay, you don't need to walk this dog, you carry it in your purse. 1-0. And no, they don't eat much, since they are so tiny, they can eat out of a tablespoon. 2-0. It doesn't need special housing, because it sleeps next to you in bed, so it can lick your face to wake you up in the morning! NO!!! I'm NOT giving in!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wanna sleep..

I'm worn out.. Today was a hypo day. And that's no fun, I can guarantee you. So many things needed to be done today and nothing I did was the way I wanted it to be done. I definitely need to get some rest. If only I could go to bed earlier, that would solve many problems. It's not that I can't sleep, I sleep like a baby. As soon as I lay my head on my pillow, I'm off to better places. But getting ready for bed is more of a hassle. I always have some more things to do or to check. Okay; I'm making a deal with myself now: this is it! From next Monday on, I'm going to bed like everybody else, around 11 p.m., not 1 a.m. Can't believe I made that promise..

A freaking 22!

In the heat of the night, a horrible sensation rushed through my body. I had this dream that somebody was chasing me and was scaring the daylight out of me. My heart was pounding and I was getting out of breath. And then I was shot... I woke up and felt absolutely wound up. My Terumo glucose meter is always laying next to me in bed, for emergency calls. I tested right away and saw a freaking 22! DUH! Thank you, Dr. Feelgood, for raising my basal pattern. I knew this was going to happen! Thankfully I can still rely on my dreams to wake me up. What would've happened if I had not woken up? Don't even want to go there... This morning I got up with a 58. That's still too low. Normal blood glucose is between 80 and 126 mg/dl, remember..

I had two lows at work as well yesterday (59 and 46), due to raising my basal pattern on my insulin pump. I hate hypoglycaemia! It makes me tremble, blurs my eye sight, takes away my concentration and gives me an overall not feeling well. 

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Today I realised, how lucky I am to have so many good friends. Friendship is so important in this hasty world of selfishness where people live their lives behind closed curtains.
I don't see my friends as often as I would like to, but I do appreciate them a lot. It's strange, when I think about it, but it's like my friends are categorised in different boxes: I have a long term friend that I have known for 20 years now. We live just around the block from one another, but we have more like a phone call relationship. It would be kinda weird not to hear her voice after the weekend.
I have a friend that is very special to me because we can talk about anything. Over the years, she's become a very good friend of mine and I like to take her on day trips. Then we go to the mall or we go out for a drink or a bite. And there's always a plate of food waiting for me when I show up at her place, even when she doesn't expect me, she always makes me feel at home.
One friend used to be a colleague of mine, and we have this kind of on/off friendship. We can fight like two dogs over a bone, but we always bury the hatchet, every single time. 
Then there is this tomboy, who is always in for fun. Our children have the same age and they are friends as well. She has way too much energy for me, but we do get along just fine. After her divorce, she has moved several times, but we still keep in touch and once in a while, we meet and chitchat about our adventures (mostly her adventures, 'cause I'm a good girl lolz).
Another friend of mine, is my mentor. She used to be my French teacher, but over the years, she's become my Life teacher. She is so wise and warm-hearted and she gives me good advice. 
My male friends are very special to me as well. Got to know them through hubby's work, but they became my friends as well and I couldn't miss them any more. Love you guys :-)
Then there are my sugar babes: people I met through the diabetes forum I frequent. They call me the spam queen, but in a friendly way. These people know about diabetes and we understand one another, without having to say all that much. We get together once in a while and that is always something to look forward to.
I may not forget my overseas friends. Some of them I never met in real life, but you know, sometimes we know more about each other than our own relatives do. 

To all of my friends: thank you for your cuddles, your shoulder, your attention. Thank you for being my friend. I love you. I hope I can be as good a friend to you as you are to me. 

Total failure

So today I went to see Dr. Feelgood. Or should I say: Dr. Feelbad, because I sure didn't have a good feeling about myself when I left his office. He wasn't happy with my diabetes management at all. He complained about my blood glucose being too high. He complained about me using too many strips a day. He complained about my weight loss, or the lack of weight loss. Although I did loose 5 pounds! And that is a big achievement for me, knowing that there are many other things playing a role in the difficulty to loose weight. Well, he made me feel bad about myself. I'm not happy with him at all today. He made me feel like a total failure...and I'm back to square one...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Rat Race

Do you ever have that feeling, that there is not enough time in a day, to do whatever you want to do? I have that feeling all the time. I started to make a to do list today, and I had to stop, before it depressed me. I appear to have Kitchen Alzheimer's, running around in my kitchen, not knowing why I opened a certain cabinet. The dishwasher is running, my Kenwood needs to be cleaned, the oven is heating to bake a succulent bread pudding for tea. Meanwhile I'm making preparations for the family dinner, so they can eat while I'm at work. And since the kids and I are not that fond of pork, but hubby is, I'm making them quorn fillets. I think I'll have a salad tonight. That means I need to shop for veggies and I don't feel like shopping right now. How about that???
So what else is on my list: ironing (whoever invented that, should be hung, seriously), cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, checking the diabetesforum (to keep up with my friends), writing some more on this new hobby of mine, feed the chickens, wire some payments. Okay, I have 2 hours left before I have to go to work and I can't organise myself. HELP! 

Go see Dr. Feelgood

Every 4 months, I have an appointment with Dr. Feelgood, in Antwerp. He's my endocrinologist and he's supposed to make me feel good. I started seeing him after my previous endocrinologist gave up on me. She said she had done the best she could for me, but she couldn't help me. After 6 years of having diabetes, she still couldn't figure out the best way for me to get better control. That's when I decided I needed another doctor. A doctor, who didn't think it was all my fault and who could make me feel better about myself and my attempts to reach my goals. Dr. Google suggested Dr. Feelgood, as one of the best in the field. He is specialised in diabetes & obesity, two words on my checklist. My diabetes management has improved since I met him, but it's still not in the range I want it to be. The A1c level of a diabetic - the average blood glucose of the last 6 weeks - is supposed to be lower than 7%. I had an A1c of 12.4 % when I got diagnosed "Type 1 diabetes" on June 12th 2002. The best A1c ever for me, was a pathetic 7.4%. And I'm trying alright! I eat low carb, I prick my fingers 6-8 times a day (nights included), I count carbs in order to adjust the insulin doses I need. Okay, I don't exercise, I admit it. Don't even go there, because it already freaks me out to see it written here...
So Dr. Feelgood LISTENED to me! How important that is, to experience a doctor listening to you. A doctor who doesn't give you that feeling of failure. He treated me like the adult I am. He wanted to help me get better control. He acknowledged that I needed help to get better management. And I accepted his help and advice and years of experience. He has over 300 patients pumping insulin. Since June 2008, I'm one of his group.
Maybe we should be on Mystery Diagnosis, I give him the credits for giving me a total checkup and for letting me know why I can't get better control and why I can't loose weight. There were names for it. He called it PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome - and insulin resistance, slow digestion, slow metabolism and hyperinsulinaemia and high sensitivity to carbohydrates. And on top of that: hereditary high cholesterol (my previous endo never even mentioned this, although I had my blood work done 4 times a year!). Damn...does that mean I'm doomed? No, but it surely won't be a piece of cake to get better A1c levels or lose that excess weight. I felt relieved after his diagnosis, but I also felt sad... For 6 years, I had seen a doctor who didn't believe in me. A doctor who thought I didn't try hard enough. A doctor who said no one else was to blame but me. I'm sad for this doctor, who is so blind sighted and oblivious that she won't believe her patients. I do thank her for figuring out I had diabetes. Because my GP didn't. He said I was just tired... As if! What is that thing with doctors, that they don't take their patients seriously? Like I'm some hypochondria that is on their doorstep for every little pain and ache? Don't think so.

Anyway, I have had a very willing and sympathetic GP for 6 years now and I have Dr. Feelgood. They will fix me up the best they can. Because I intend to lead a long healthy life. Because I have two children to raise. Because I'm pretty attached to all my limbs and organs and they are sacred to me. I do the best I can and I can assure you: it's a full-time job and it's not the easiest job. It needs my attention 24/7. Some people say: you have diabetes, big deal, it's not cancer after all. They are right: it's not cancer, it's diabetes, but it IS a big deal. It's MY deal. It's my LIFE...


Today, some "manscaping" needs to be done, in order to look presentable again. It's not my favorite pastime but once in a while, a girl needs to get freshened up and some waxing has to be done. Yikes! I hate it when they pluck your eyebrows. It's like someone is using a nailclipper to cut into your forehead. It always leaves me all teared up and then I feel like a cry baby. But I hear your eyes automatically tear up when you have your eyebrows waxed. I know I don't like it and I'd rather not do it. To be vain, you have to bear pain, Elizabeth Hurley once said. I tend to believe her.  
Once the eyebrows are in better shape, it's time for the upper lip to be waxed. I know I will feel a lot more secure when I have a smooth upper lip, but once again, it's painful. Do men have their upper lip waxed? Maybe they should try it, over shaving, and see what result they get. I like it, when men have smooth skin and shave well. The holiday beard is not my cup of tea. Either you shave or you don't. Beards are not done. Period. 
Don't you think men are sexy when they had a shower, a sharp razor shave and put fragrance on?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Just chillin'

It's 9:45 p.m., time to relax. I'm knackered. The high glucose level of this morning took its toll. Work was fun and interesting today. But now all I want to do is chill, have a large diet coke and eat my dinner. There wasn't much interesting to find in the fridge, so I made myself a quick dinner, of lentils, garlic, onion, tomatoes, lots of pepper and fresh coriander. Boy, did that taste good! Exactly what I needed :-)
Next Friday we are having our good friends over for dinner. Looking forward to that! Still not totally convinced of the menu I'm going to prepare for them, but I'm working on it. It's going to be a hectic week of cleaning, running errands, cooking, and I do need to go to work in between all the other projects. LOL. I feel blessed.

Family Photos

Photo taken by Fred Bosschaert

Photo taken by Fred Bosschaert
The photographer just forwarded the first series of pictures. And I failed... he tells me I need to come back to take new pictures...

I don't want to be too bragadocious about it, but I'm very happy with the result of the other family members :-)

Note: do you think there were red dots on my chin...?

I feel like crap...

In a rush to get us all up and going this morning, I forgot to bolus insulin for my breakfast. And for a change, I had bread (homemade English muffins) and a hazelnut latte for breakfast. Normally I skip on the bread, because it raises my blood sugar in such a fast way that it feels like being on a roller coaster
So I forgot to bolus. And I didn't find out until we arrived in Willebroek, 2 hours later, to take the pictures. Hubby did join us after all (I'm glad he did! and I didn't even have to ask him again - he decided all by himself that he wanted to be there too) and I'm glad he drove the car. I really felt horrible... Decided to check my glucose and o yes: 375 mg/dl. I hate those highs, especially when I caused them, even if I didn't intend to. It took me 4 hours to have better control and to me, it was like eating sand. Not that I have ever eaten sand before, but I assume that's how digging into sand feels like. 
I hope the pictures will hide my thirst and lack of energy. Because that's what high blood sugar levels do to you. They drain all the energy out of your body and leave you with a dry throat and a sick feeling in the stomach. 
The photo shoot went really well. The photographer made us feel at home and was very professional. He took 24 pictures and tonight he will forward me the results. I'm thrilled and I hope to get some good footage. 
One hour left before I'm off to work. Working as a personal assistant means you also work on weekends. Because people with special needs, don't have weekends. They always have their needs and they always need assistance. That is not their fault and there's nothing they can do about it. So I am happy to help out. But sometimes, I'd rather spend some time with my family on the weekend, or take them on an outing or just hang out with the in-laws and all the grandchildren. Welcome to the life of a working mom :-)

Up and going

Just enjoyed the hot water of a morning shower. It's still quiet in the house, on this early Sunday morning. The sun is out and the birds are singing their welcoming songs.
I need to wake up the girls, because today is a special day. But I want to wait a little longer and enjoy the peace, my English muffin and a hazelnut latte.
Our youngest, Eva, a 6 grader, is going to throw a great party in an amusement park
to celebrate her going to high school. She has decided she wanted to go to boarding school in Bruges. School starts in September and she's totally excited about it. I had this same dream, of going to boarding school when I was her age, but I never did for some reason. So I'm happy she can live up to her dream and attend this magnificent old school
Anyway, today we are going to see a photographer, who is going to take nice pictures of us. Hubby does not feel like joining us, although a family portrait would be really nice. I don't really like having my picture taken, because somehow I always end up being in a picture with two red dots on my chin. I still haven't figured out what causes this, but it does bother me. Maybe I'll need to hold my hand in front of my chin, in order to hide the dots? But on the other hand, that will leave me with only one hand left to cover my tummy. Hmhmhm...tricky business.
I'm very anxious to see the results of the photo shoot. Cross your fingers and think away the red dots, will you?

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Sweet fourteen

Fourteen year old girls think they rule the world. They love to shop, hang out, lay in front of the TV, send 48 text messages an hour, eat whatever they can lay their hands on. But don't ask them to help out in the kitchen, to vacuum the house, to feed their cat. Unless you want to get that ugly HUH? look. O are they good at that alright! Their nastiest look is reserved for good old mom. Daddy is the fun guy. He doesn't nag, he is always willing to give in - especially when they give him that sad puppy look - and he's a child amongst the other children. What more can a fourteen year old ask for? 
If you want to teach them how to boil an egg, they say: Like I eat eggs?? Trying to explain to them that socks do come in pairs, doesn't ring a bell in their heads to look under their mattresses for the lonely other. 
Zits on oily skins, greasy hair, periods, braces and bras... I have two teenage girls. I'm glad the youngest is only 12. But there's a red alert once in a while, that she's not that far off anymore, from becoming a full-time adolescent.


This is kind of weird, but even though I haven't shared my blog yet (only two people have the link), I want to know about the statistics. And the funny thing is: I don't know where to look! I can't find the tool to check the statistics. Is that dumb or what?
I have so much to write and so little time. There's a bucket of soapy water in the kitchen, waiting to be emptied onto the icky floor. Empty lunch plates are sitting on the counter top, waiting to be put into the dishwasher. Hubby has gone back to working in his backyard, mowing the lawn for the first time this year. Eva is hiding upstairs, so I won't give her any chores and her sister is staying over at her friend's house, showing off her new outfits she bought at the mall.
I have to get moving, because at 4 o'clock I have to be at work. But I'm anxious to write!!! This is pretty exciting you know! I don't know when I will share my blog with my friends. I guess time will tell?
The sun is out and I should be outside getting a sun tan. That's what people do. The cat needs to be fed but there's no cat food left, so I need to run errands as well. Maybe that's a good excuse not to start mopping the kitchen floor. Lol

Friday, April 17, 2009

And I will walk 500 miles..

in your dreams! I hate sports. I despise it. It frustrates me, how doctors keep telling me to be more active and participate in some kind of sport. Any sport. If only I would exercise, my weight would come down. Am I truly the only person around that just hates to exercise? It does not thrill me at all, it doesn't make me feel better, I won't get addicted to it. DUH! It upsets me, it makes me sweat like crazy, I feel fat amongst the Barbie dolls in their jolly, colorful trim suits. It makes me binge, it makes me even more huge, it wears me out and that leads to more binging, which leads to more weight and even more frustration.
So, no thanks, been there, done that. Sorry guys, you'll have to live with it. You can enjoy your sport as much as you want, but I'm not going to join you.

Total Cleanser

Today, I took my two wonderful daughters to the hairdresser. They definitely needed a new hairdo, since this Sunday, a photographer is going to take their picture.  (The pictures on the side were taken 2 years ago, by a professional agency)
The young crew is 12 and 14 and they have become little ladies, with their own taste and a sparkling personality. I'm proud of them. Both of them chose totally different haircuts. The eldest, Lana, wanted curly hair (not like a poodle, please!) and the younger sister, Eva, decided to go Cleopatra, only a brunette version. They are so different and far apart from one another, that they do not seem like sisters at all. Lana is the introvert one, she has a nice tan, almond shaped eyes, almost Egyptian like. Eva is pale, has freckles all over her face and always has a grin from ear to ear. 
Anyway, two hours later, we were off to the mall, because after all: we are girls and girls like to shop! I took them to Wijnegem Shopping Center. They had never been there before. And they were totally excited! What do you think??? And yes, they spent all my money, or must I say: daddy's money? Grin...
Of course they longed for ice-cream (I didn't, since I'm not the biggest ice-cream lover on this earth) and soda and pizza. I gave in, and had a slice of pizza too. Pepperoni to be exact. A cold slice of pizza. That's the only way I eat pizza. And I don't even like pizza. But hey, I wanted to "hang out" with the girls, remember? And if that means: pizza, pizza it will be. 
On the way home, my stomach was upset with the fat of that pathetic one slice of pizza. Can't believe I had that... So when I got home, I made myself a Total Cleanser, meaning I made a fresh smoothie of celery stalks, lemon juice, cucumber and fresh orange juice. I'm sure it will heal my body from the fatty meal at the mall. Will it cure my mall feet as well? They burn like hell and I have sores on my left foot sole.
A good night of sleep might help as well, to get over my huge mall hangover...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Feeling low in the middle of the night

In the middle of the night, around 3 a.m., I felt like eating everything I could come up with. Biscuits of all sorts (didn't matter if they were stale or not), chocolate, candy,... I had these terrible cravings, due to my blood sugar being too low, meaning 32 mg/dl. It's supposed to be in the 80-126 mg/dl range. It woke me up - or must I say I couldn't sleep for no particular reason - and it left me with this strange sensation in my body, like a cold wind racing inside my torso, grabbing me by the throat. Getting up and going wasn't easy, feeling dizzy and shaky. I did manage to eat all the cookies on my night stand, before I stumbled downstairs to have more. They didn't even taste good, but they definitely made me feel better.
I know I should've stopped my insulin pump from delivering insulin, but I didn't. This time, I wanted to binge, needed those carbs badly to feel better. O well, I used to feel really bad about these binge sessions, but I don't any more. It doesn't happen that frequently. Mostly, nightly sugar lows are solved within 15 min, having some glucose tablets and putting my insulin pump on hold for half an hour. Don't know what triggered me this time, to go for the cookie carbs. But I sure know it made me feel better and I could go back to sleep feeling at ease. And that's important.
I woke up with a great 107 mg/dl. That surprised me after all those excess carbs. Checking the history of my pump this morning, I found out why. Little miss unconscious wasn't that unconscious after all: I did bolus for the extra carbs!

Here we go again...

It's past midnight at this side of the globe. And again, I'm still up and typing. It's quiet around the house. The children are in bed, hubby is fast asleep, the cat is still roaming around to find a mate and I'm here, as usual, all by myself on the couch, my portable in my lap. What can I say? It's a bad habit and I don't know how to change it. It's not fair to my husband, it's not fair to me, but I can't get myself to go to bed earlier. I'm tired all right, and my body is longing for a good night of sleep. Then why can't I just pick myself up and drag this exhausted body upstairs? Because the Internet never dies. It's always there. Television is not that important to me, I record whatever I want to see and that's it. But the Internet? It's an addiction. I'm addicted to my virtual friends (I do meet them once in a while and I'm glad I do) and it's a fun way to keep in touch with all of them and my real life friends.
Every week I promise hubby and myself, that I'll do better. That I'll go to bed in time. Then why do I need to go to START to shut down the computer??? That's like triggering people to keep going. Go figure...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Sad songs

Do you ever have the feeling that sad songs make you wanna cry?
I didn't know about this feeling until a couple of years ago. But now, every once in a while, a song can make me cry. Is it the voice, or do the lyrics make me weep? Sometimes it's the combination of both.
Some people are gifted and have magnificent voices. Nobody can deny that. Some voices leave me with goosebumps from the minute I hear the tunes of the song. I think of Hélène Segara, who performs in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, as Esmeralda. I could listen to her over and over again.
I think it's pretty special if your talent can make someone cry..
I'm not catholic, but if a song needs to be played on my funeral, please call Hélène Segara.

Can't believe I did that!

I was real happy with the font and the colors of the blog, and then I messed it up! I just can't believe I did that! Aaarrgghh! And I have no one else to blame but me...

I have tried several other templates, fonts, colors and headers, but none of them were like the first version. I'm not happy yet with this style, and it will take some time to fix it. But I know you will be patient and you will grant me some credit.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It's official: we're online

I did it! I shared my blog with my friends and I'm curious what they will think of it.
I know many of you would prefer me writing in Dutch, but my love for the English language is so big, that I must disappoint you this time. Sorry guys, this blog will be in English.
Since I do have friends that only speak English, it would be even harder for them to try and read my lines as it is to you.
Feel free to leave your comments. Otherwise this will be a monologue and I prefer some interaction after all.

Where do I start?

For the first time in my life, I have decided to share my thoughts with the world. Are you willing to read them? Fine. If not, that's okay too. It seems like a good idea at this moment. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. It intrigues me to see how people blog about their lives and share their most intimate thoughts with total strangers. Do I need friends? No. I have more friends than I can keep up with. I don't see all of my friends as much as I'd wish to. Am I bored? Not at all. There are not enough hours in a day, to let me do all the things I want to do. Maybe I'm an exhibitionist and I want other people to read my every day life? Dunno... But I'll find out soon I guess....