I hate it when you do that

It's been quite a while since my diabetes was so out of control. I must admit, I had not changed my site in time (okay, I was way overdue), so by the time I got the site out this morning, my skin was red and swollen and icky. I cleaned and disinfected the site and inserted a new one, far from the previous one (there is enough skin to find on my body, that holds enough fat to stand a site insertion). Grabbing my coat, I left the house to rush to work.

Driving the car, I felt this terrible thirst coming up. There's always a diet soda and a regular soda in the car, for emergencies. Instantly, I felt this was going to be one of those days... I emptied a 500 ml bottle of diet coke, but it didn't quench my thirst. My Dexcom told me my numbers were skyrocketing. Great... just what I needed. I'm tired already and a workday ahead of me wasn't going to solve the problem. I needed to focus on getting those numbers down. I got out of the car - it's only a 10 min drive to work - and tested my BG. My meter said 504... My Dexcom couldn't give any more details, since it stops counting at 400. It sure felt like 504. It was like someone made me eat a bowl full of oatmeal and forgot to pour the milk over it. Grumble... this was not going to be a great day...

The little girl I take care of, was ready for her nap and all I could think of, was having a nap myself. But it's work, remember? No time to nap.. She fell asleep in my lap and of course, I had to go pee.. again.. ggrrrrr... that's what high numbers do to your bladder. They make you run to the loo way too often to get rid of that excess sugar in your kidneys. Princess wasn't sleeping anyway, so I didn't feel guilty about getting up. I stumbled down the stairs, holding on to the banisters and making sure little Princess was held tight to my body. I put her down in her chair, went to the toilet, had 500 ml water to drink and went back to the toilet. I corrected multiple times this afternoon, to get those bloody highs out of my system, but it was like my body was resistant to insulin. It just didn't do anything at all. I knew it was gonna hit me in the face at a certain point, so I didn't want to overdo on the correcting part. I was so thankful for my Dexcom, so at least, I could see where I was headed towards without poking my fingers 12 times in a row. My numbers had stabilized around HIGH so I decided to give another correction bolus. I felt sick to my stomach by now and I had run out of diet soda and water. My mouth was dry and my body dehydrated. I was hungry as well but didn't dare to eat anything for I didn't want to go any higher. I was so happy little Princess decided to take another nap. We cuddled and dove into that comfortable couch together, turned on the TV and chilled out. I truly hate it when this happens...


Around 5 PM, my numbers started to crawl down, slowly but at least they were coming down. Right before I went home, I saw a straight arrow pointing downwards. Great... had another bottle of regular coke in the car - it was hot from sitting in the sun all day, but hey, who minds warm coke when you're about to faint? I drove home and decided to skip the carbs for the rest of the day. We had grilled prawns, tuna and salmon sashimi and some wakame salad.
I so enjoyed my dinner and was really full. I can't believe my Dexcom was buzzing again!!! This time to prevent me from going low. Cheese and rice! Come on! Can't you have just a little bit of sympathy here? Hello??? I'm full! Can't have any more food or drinks. I hate you Diabetes, at times I really hate you...

I stuffed down a small piece of toast, spread with Nutella, to get rid of that 78 pointing downwards. Did I get rid of it all right... In just an hour time, my BG read 238 again... WTF!  I want someone to take over. I want to sleep and forget about D, just for a couple of hours. I need that cure NOW!

What if happiness is not that obvious?

We all know the world is full of bellies carrying little babies. Once you're pregnant yourself or looking forward to having a baby, you see even more moms to be. One of my friends has had a baby just recently (and yes, I miss her and our chats, but don't we all know how busy our lives become once those little ones enter our homes), another one has a belly that is full of life and growing way too fast (I want to enjoy that wonderful sight of her pregnancy - I missed her previous one) and a third friend is in the early stage of expecting new life, while a fourth is about to deliver any time now.

Having two wonderful daughters of my own, I know what it's like to expect a child and give birth. I know the feeling of bringing new life into this world, the pain of being in labor and the happiness once that little creature uses its voice for the very first time. It's a feeling only moms can experience. Your life will never be the same, once you can call yourself a mom.

What if you have this dream, this one and only dream that would fill your life with so much joy and happiness that you would do anything to achieve your goal? What if things don't work out the way you want them to? Do people ever realize how hard it must be, when people ask you how come you haven't got children of your own? I can tell you: it hurts like hell. It sucks! It's not a good feeling at all... it can be very damaging indeed. Most of the time, the people asking, don't mean any harm. They are just trying to have a conversation and ask for the "obvious". But apparently it's not that obvious. Having children may not be that obvious at all. Sometimes the process can be really hard and the road to travel very long.  If only we could keep that in mind and support our friends and family that are so looking forward to having a little Prince or Princess of their own. An extra cuddle, some kind words and sympathy or small talk over a big mug of coffee. It's not that much to ask for. It's a delicate subject and there's not much you can do to help the other, but listen and understand. I care for you, my beautiful friend. I wish you all the best and all the luck in the world. My thumbs are still facing the stars. 

Scatterbrain

Honestly, I don't know what happened, but my mind is always distracted lately. I can't focus properly, I forget things and I don't seem to hear what people try to tell me. Too often I have to ask my friends to repeat what they have just said, because I missed parts of the conversation. It's like my brain is not keeping up with the thoughts?

I'm too busy doing a zillion things. I need to make priority lists so I can get things done before they get out of hand. So much running around, driving way too many miles in too little time. Rush rush in the rat race. I long for next week. I long for some quiet time.. My brain just doesn't stop talking to itself. There are so many things I need to remember and cannot forget. Forgive me for not hearing you or for asking things for the third time. I'm getting there. Today will be more organized. Maybe my hairdresser can massage my skull and let some tension drift off. A night out with my sister-in-law sounds very appealing, so we're heading towards the beauty salon together. Zen...

Not for males??

When you think of the brand name Tupperware, what is the first thing that crosses your mind? What kind of people do you see, packing food in Tupperware containers? Does your favorite Tupperware container make you smile, when you think of the goodies your mom used to bake you to bring to school?

I can't believe there's one family in my surroundings that doesn't have their share of Tupperware. Most people have several pieces and some even have their own Tupperware cabinet full. I honestly thought my kitchen cabinets were loaded with boxes and appliances. But what I experienced yesterday, was beyond all expectations. I was truly gobsmacked! My fingers were itching and my heart beats were faster than normal. Even faster than when I get a plate full of my favorite sushi. And you know how I love sushi!

I completely forget this kitchen belonged to a man. In fact, it belongs to two men. Two wonderful cooks and two Tupperware geeks. They won't mind me saying that, because it is meant in a very friendly way. You could call them Tuppaholics, but that sounds a bit negative. No negativity in this kitchen. A bright and sunny place, to experience wonderful cooking moments together or with friends. This guy can teach me things. He got bitten by the Tupperbug at a very young age. His mom nodded and confirmed his story. I could tell she was proud of him. I'm proud of him too. This is a great addiction! I can relate to his pride and enthusiasm. Thank you Eric, for having me over. Looking forward to our upcoming culinary party. Spread the word! Tupperware is NOT only for women..

I'm sorry I don't understand

Diabetes has become epidemic. Worldwide and all over the nation, this disease is being talked about on a daily basis. Nevertheless, not many people know what it's really about. They know there are different types of diabetes and they know insulin and lows may be involved, but that's about it. Then how come, so many of these people are commenting on our lifestyle and diabetes treatment like we're not doing the best we can? I just don't get it? They strive to give good advice and they point out what you should and shouldn't eat. They love to share the horror stories of deceased family members (may they rest in peace) with diabetes and they look horrified when a tiny drop of blood comes out of your fingertip after you have poked it to test your glucose levels.

Last night, we had a wonderful BBQ with people I had never met, but who are friends of my husband. My husband must have told them I have T1 diabetes, for the host asked me if she could get me something special, like regular coke or water or whatever I needed. Regular coke??? Hmhmhm... exactly.. She was real nice and very concerned and she had honestly worried about whether I would be able to eat what she had in mind. So I went to see her in her kitchen and told her I could have whatever she had prepared for me. She listened very carefully and nodded and I noticed she didn't understand. Being seated around the table - what a fabulous scenery and I just had to compliment the host for having created such a fairy like garden - we were getting acquainted and since it was a warm summer night, I took of my jacket and without any warning, the first question popped out of the mouth of one of the guests: what's that little box on your upper arm? So I told the group I had T1 diabetes because my pancreas stopped making insulin. Therefore I needed to provide my body with insulin whenever it called for it: to cover food, to exercise, to be able to live and to cope with emotions. They were interested in this device called Dexcom G4 and they thought it was awesome that now I was worry free and ready to lead a totally normal life despite the diabetes! Well.. I told them diabetes is not that easy, notwithstanding that I have an insulin pump that makes my life easier, despite my Dexcom G4 that shows me the trends of what my blood sugar is doing. They complimented me for doing so well and then went back to the stories of the people in their surroundings that have been "blessed" with T1 as well. How awful their life was, for having swings in their blood glucose every day. For how they had to poke their fingers like 6 times a day! It hurt to hear them say those people didn't do the best they could, because they didn't seem to have their diabetes under control. When I asked them why they would think so, they answered: if it would be under control, they wouldn't have blood sugar rollercoasters and they wouldn't have highs and lows..

Why is it so hard to understand? I started the night with a low and I ended up high. Am I a "diabadass" now? Am I not doing the best I can? Will my toes turn black and will my kidneys fail on me? I wasn't ready for a pity show and it was pretty confrontational to hear others discuss and judge people with diabetes. I felt like I had to defend them and it threw some sort of shadow over the party for me. I don't think anyone noticed, but for the first time in a very long time, my diabetes feelings had been hurt. I know I can't blame them for not knowing. It's just painful, that's all.

The Tupperware cabinet

If you would open my cabinets and ask me: do you need any more Tupperware? I'm pretty sure the answer would be: of course I do! How could I not want more Tupperware? I mean, come on, get real! I couldn't imagine my cabinets without it!

Most people have like one Tupperware cabinet. I'm sure I have one cabinet without Tupperware.. It's just everywhere! There's the food containers, there's the cabinet with kitchen appliances, the microwave cabinet and the baking cabinet. There's a drawer filled with Tupper lunch boxes and the container with kitchen aids like whisks and spatulas and large spoons and so on. There's Tupperware for any occasion and my collection keeps growing. You need at least a couple of cookie containers and cake boxes. Your fridge has to hold some Vent Smarts to keep your veggies and fruit fresh and once you have used the Speedy Chef to whip that double cream.. Get the picture?

I have been asked multiple times to become a Tupperware consultant, but I never ever thought someone would draw me over the line. Maybe I wasn't ready for it on previous occasions or maybe I didn't have the guts. I have always shown great interest in the product and I love to collect Tupperware. Did you know I even order Tupperware when we cross the ocean to Florida? It is so exciting to buy Tupperware overseas and bring it home. Only other Tupperware addicts can relate to this feeling I guess..

My first party is coming up. There will be a crowd and I'm sure we'll have a very good time. It will be a culinary party and I truly believe that will be my cup of tea. I love to bake and cook and to share that love with others. Isn't it great that now I have found a way to come up with recipes, share my love for cooking and Tupperware with my friends and family? I'm looking forward to my first night. No stress, no cold sweat. It's my hobby, remember?

So if you want me to host your next party, give me a buzz or email me. I'll be happy to come over to your place and work something out for you to give your guests a pleasant evening. I'm ready for you!

Fatty Pierre

Can you imagine my astonishment, when you told me you and your boyfriend had come up with a different nickname for me? I burst out in laughter and at the same time I was offended by the idea. Go figure! You had been reading some posts I had written on the diabetesforum and you were talking to your boyfriend about it. He wasn't too sure about the contents and he told you not to trust the Internet. After all, we don't know who's behind the nickname, right? When your partner told you, this "meurtelken" person could be a totally different person in real life, you were a bit shocked. Maybe the She was not a she, but a he. Maybe the She was a enormous fat and lonely guy, looking for some companionship. OMG... He even named me Fatty Pierre! But then again.. he's right. You never know who's behind a nickname. A picture doesn't say it all. It's so easy to copy someone else's picture and pretend it's you. I know I have thought the same about other people I met online. They would always stay away from meetings so it made us wonder if the online person was truly the person he claimed to be. Be careful, when you're out there surfing the net. Be careful when you are confiding in people you've never met. I'm sure there are plenty of Fatty Pierres and Creepy Carolines online. Trust your own instinct and check out who you've been talking to... It might lead to a new friendship or it might teach you a lesson in life.