Born again

Sometimes in life, we do things or make choices we later regret. No matter what led us to making that choice, we should hold ourselves responsible. There may be circumstances where one could say: I honestly believe you had such a rough time that you saw no other way than to do what you did. Of course there where other solutions, but you were either not ready to see them or you chose to pursue the only way you knew. It takes courage to change your ways and perseverance to go on. Giving up will most certainly have been a possibility that crossed your mind. Something or someone must have given you the strength to give up your addiction and start all over. With a family of 5 children, things needed to change. You were about to loose your job over your addiction and that would've been a total disaster. Your children have only known you as a father that was never present. They missed a dad, being there for them. They remember you as being away or claiming the couch because the alcohol had made you sleepy. The day you gave up drinking, your children were no longer children. They already had a life of their own. Have you set an example to your children? Did you ever talk to them about what an addiction means to your family? It's been 21 years now, since you have sobered up. I met you 19 years ago and I've never seen the drunk man you were before. Every Monday, you meet with your fellow friends to talk about your addiction. I don't know all of the steps in the plan, but is there a step that teaches you how to talk about your addiction with your family? Are you never afraid one of your children will become an addict as well? I know it scares me.. They say kids mimic their parents. If you grow up with a parent who thought drinking is a normal way of life, does that make you more vulnerable to getting an addiction yourself? Is the drinking a way of dealing with problems and emotions? How do you deal with issues if the only way you know, is loosing yourself in alcohol..

I'm happy you have been sober for 21 years. It gave you a different life. You have been given a second chance to be born again. I hope you are happy with the choices you have made. It was to the benefit of your family. Has it been beneficial to you too?

Simple comme bonjour

There are certain days my mother-in-law expects all of her children and their spouses to bring her grandchildren to the parental house. We never question those invitations. We just try to be there, out of respect and because hanging out with the crew is always pleasant. This time is no different. Every first weekend of July, we have cake and pies and cookies in Eastshop. Originally the event was the fair. A couple of years ago, there was not much left of the fair, but the tradition continues and we still get together. It's not easy to motivate everybody and it's possible one or two can't make it. But the major part of the family will be there to enjoy the company and the goodies. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law's energy and patience with all of us. It is of no effort to her to have around 20 people over and feed them. It's what she likes to do and it's a good way to keep the family together.
See you this afternoon! I'll bring the home baked cookies and pies. You bring your enthusiasm okay?

But how do you expect me to..

stay sober for the rest of my life??

It must have been a real struggle. You didn't have much choice at the time. Since the age of 14, you had been working for the same boss. Over the years, alcohol had become your best friend and you learned to love that friend more and more until you reached the point of no return. You became an addict. You needed that alcohol and you were worthless without. That's how you saw it. Without the alcohol you couldn't function well. It affected your family life - coming home, falling asleep on the couch and being useless to your beloved ones - as well as your job. Up to the point where your boss wanted to talk to you in private. He said you had to deal with your addiction or he would have to let go of you. That must have been a true eye opener to you, because you did quit after that conversation..

May 25th 1992 - May 25th 2012

Photo Lana Joos

A day that changed your life and the lives of the people involved. Never again did you touch another sip of alcohol. Not one time did you tempt yourself to cross the line. Because the stakes were too high. You couldn't risk losing your job. A family of 5 children needed to be fed and you had to be fit and sober in order to do so.

Every day is a struggle. Every day you tell yourself: today, I'm not going to drink alcohol. Although there are plenty of occasions, you have stuck to that promise and I cannot even imagine how hard that must be.
You say you can't remember the taste. You also say you don't miss the alcohol. You don't miss the fog it gave you. Being away from the world is no longer priority.

You and grandma are coming over to our place to celebrate that important anniversary. It's pretty obvious that no alcohol will be served. We respect your wish and neither one of us needs alcohol to have a good time. But we will enjoy each other's company and a good menu. I've been looking forward to cooking this meal for you. You will love that pork rib crown roast, the broccoli mash, scalloped potatoes and the abundance of finely chopped vegetables. You will have your diet coke and you will tell your stories. Thank you grandpa, for having made that important decision. Thank you for sticking to it. That way we can enjoy you even better. We're proud of you. Are you proud of you?