We just have today, we are not promised tomorrow

I first met the two of you last August. I had no idea who to expect and I was surprised by the friendliness you and your father welcomed me into his home with. Immediately I was impressed by the bond between you both. He was your inspiration, your rock, your adviser and caretaker. You could talk on the same level, like adults are supposed to do, even in a father - daughter relationship. I admired you for that. You cared deeply for him and I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes, how much he loved you. Right there and then, I realized how deeply a father can love his daughter and wish nothing but the best for you. I could read from the look on his face, how proud he was of you.

You told me he was very ill. He had had surgery and times had been rough. But he was doing better and both him and your mom spent several vacations abroad to enjoy each others company. You would take care of his dog in the meantime and keep an eye on their property. That's the kind of person you are: caring, loving, generous and loyal. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, I suppose.

Today I came to see you, completely out of the blue. We normally meet and talk about diabetes, since we share the same condition. There were no intentions for a meeting whatsoever, but your parents had brought me a tortilla pan from Spain. A pan I had been wanting for quite some time. You are so good at arranging things and surprising other people. We talked about your father and that he needed a check-up at the hospital, for he wasn't feeling too well. You always spoke of him in a soft voice and with love and compassion. He was your friend...

We said our goodbyes around 4:00 PM and I returned on my steps and said to you: don't worry about your dad, he'll be just fine. And you said: of course he will, he has to. I didn't expect your phone call later this evening. I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend. This must be so hard on you. Your father is at peace now. He has left a true legacy, a loving family and an amazing impression on so many people. Take care now. I'll talk to you soon xx

There's a time and a place for anything

Being a teenager is real hard. You don't have a true identity yet and there are so many desires and wishes you want to fulfill. Being 15 is not like being 18. Growing up comes with responsibilities and getting privileges is not a one way direction. We need to find a good balance that all parties can be happy with. I know you compare with what your friends can do. We did the same thing when we were young. Some friends could go out later than we could. But we also knew that there were other friends who couldn't go out at all...

I was 18, the first time I could really go out. The plan was, to go to a New Year's Eve party in the pub just around the corner. I was totally excited about this night out. My friends had invited me over and I felt so grown up about going out. I even got a special outfit and new shoes.
Getting ready for the party, my mom told me I had to be home at midnight, 00:00 sharp to be exact. I was gobsmacked.. What did she mean, midnight??? It was New Year's Eve after all?? Everybody would make fun of me, for having to go home at such a ridiculous time..

I tried to talk my father into staying out later. He gave me that look, that didn't mean any good. He told me I had to be in by 00:00. There was no other option. I told him that the party wouldn't start till 00:00. I would miss out on all the fun. He answered me that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. He had made his point: either I came home at midnight or I didn't go out at all. I was really upset but I knew his words where to be followed. I decided I was going to make the best of it. All of my friends were waiting for me to have dinner in the pub. We had a great time, laughing and being in each other's company. It was getting close to midnight. I kept looking on my watch - I had to be home in a couple of minutes. I didn't know what to do. Some friends dared me to stay later - others understood my dilemma and told me to go home in time. The countdown for the new year started and I kissed my friends good night. I opened the door of the pub, took a last glance at the people partying and ran home. By the time my key opened the door, I could hear the grandfather clock hit twelve o'clock. My mom looked at the clock, she looked at me and she went to bed. My heart was beating too fast, because I had run so hard to be home in time. I took a shower and got into my pajamas, reflecting over my first night out. I really wanted the night to not have ended that soon. But hey, I did have a great time. I had seen my friends, my outfit was great and we had enjoyed each other's company. It had been a night to remember. I can tell you, because 23 years later, I still remember how my cheeks were glowing with joy for that wonderful night out..

There's a side to you that I never knew

Last night, I was flabbergasted.. My hair dresser invited me to a night out with his friends. He asked me to dress up and pick him up around 5:30 PM. We went for sushi and wakame before we met the others in a parking lot. Three cars full of happy chaps hit the road on their way to Salons Mantovani in Oudenaarde. A big event was scheduled that same night.

We entered the ballroom and beautiful women with stunning long legs came to greet us and showed us to our tables. I was amazed by their appearance and their elegance. Thinking my high heels were impressive, they were nothing compared to the stilts they were trotting on. Glitter and glamour, layers of foundation and lips covered in lipstick, the girls - like they prefer to be called - loved to flaunt the room and have all eyes set on them.

There were 10 people in our company and we had good seats. Some of our companions are men but like to be called "girls" as well. Men fancying men, men dressing up like women, they were all present and looking their best. One set of people in particular drew my attention. I assume they were father and daughter. She must have been in her very early twenties, he was at least double her age. Presenting himself as a "her" in a tight black dress, a golden chain around the waist in an attempt to hide the potbelly, and a platinum blonde wig, she sat at the table, observing the other girls and waving a curly lock of hair out of her face. Her lipstick was a bit smeared but she was happy.. Her daughter looked a bit confused but at the same time, there was some pride over her dad. I guess she wanted him to be happy, so she accepted that side of him that others probably never see in real life. Maybe he was a construction worker or an accountant, who knows. That night he was a she and his eyes flared at the sight of the other ladies..

Baby-V was the true winner. She was versatile, a great artist and the costumes were exquisite. She had muscular dancers on stage and her presence couldn't go unnoticed. She was not the only winner in the ballroom. So many men out there, who felt at ease, who could finally relax and take a good breath of fresh air, after having spent so many hours dressing up as a she.. It was a special night..

This is who I am

My father-in-law

You are some character! Dad of 4 boys and 1 girl, grandpa of 5 grandsons and 4 granddaughters. You love every one of them.
From the day you were 14, you left school and you started to work as a painter. For all of your life, you have had the same employer. Not many people can say that. Some years have been really rough, because alcohol affected your life.. Until the day you decided you wanted that life to change. Eighteen years ago, you gave up on alcohol and you haven't had a drop since. I do respect that very much. It's been a true battle for you and your family. But it's been a big improvement and achievement as well. You do not like to miss your AA meetings. Every Monday night you're there, to meet up with your peers. You have welcomed so many members, and you have seen so many drop out.. But some do stick to their promise and they stay sober for the rest of their life. Having one more drink could ruin it all.. so you don't tempt yourself. I'm proud of you!

I got a feeling

I got a feeling, this handsome young man is turning 10 today! That's a milestone! He absolutely looks 10 and he acts like a 10 yo: bright, alive and kicking.

His godfather is still trying to find him the best present ever. Because that's what godfathers do, right?

We'll see him this Sunday, for his birthday party. Have a very happy birthday, Kiddo!

Daddy Cool

Now is he a cool dad or what? The way he fools around with this little one, is just so hilarious it breaks my heart. Look at the face of the baby, waiting for its daddy to make it laugh. It's so funny! What an adorable twosome..

daddy cool

Strangers and candy

Have you taught your kids whatever they need to know in order not to be abducted by a stranger? Abductors no longer use candy to seduce young children if they want to kidnap them. They talk to your child on the Internet. They try to contact them when they leave the school's playground. They offer them games for their Playstation or promise them to help them fix their computer. Children are so vulnerable, maybe now more than ever. Communication between parents and children have changed over the years. Mothers used to be stay at home moms. They knew about their children's activities. They offered their teens milk and cookies and a talk when they came home out of school. Parents knew what friends their children frequented. Children didn't come home in an empty house, where they could surf on the Internet for as long as nobody came home. Times have changed. Children have changed. So have parents.. Many parents no longer have time for their offspring. The kids are given a key and go home all by themselves. They grab a snack and a drink, they hop on the couch, watch TV or chat with their friends on the Internet. They feel alone. They have nobody to tell them how fantastic they are. That's the point where things become dangerous. Any stranger who gives this child the special attention it needs, gets the chance to bond with this child. What child wouldn't want to hear that it's loved? What child doesn't need grown up attention? What happens if parents can do nothing but nag about the lousy school results of their child? Right. It tells the predator, who is smart enough to pick in and comfort the child. He tells them that the parents are stupid and dumb for not seeing what a smart kid they have. And that's when those children get trapped. They start to really like this predator, not knowing what the consequences of these private talks may be. And then the predator invites them to his house, to come get the video games they were promised. And they'd better not tell their parents, since they are not the most loveable and understanding people out there. Forgot about the school reports??? And the fish is on the hook..

Imagine your child being abducted by some lunatic pervert. Wouldn't you slap your head and give yourself a wake up call? Our children need us. No matter what age they are. They are too vulnerable and they cannot protect themselves from the wolves around. The word PREDATOR is not written on the forehead of these men. They are not easy to recognize. But their actions are. You don't want a stranger to pull over his car and address you. When a child is in danger, the rules change. You are allowed to draw as much attention you need, to scare off a possible abductor. Tell your children you will never be mad at them for throwing a fit, if some stranger makes them feel uncomfortable.

"Garden of the night" is the movie you would want to see, to know how to protect your child..

The father daughter thing

You are such a daddy's girl. It's great to see you interact with your father. The two of you are just hilarious together. You don't need words to understand one another. You like to crawl up against your dad on the couch. Then he will tell you to stop clinging to him. That always leads to a fight. Not a real fight, more like a cat's fight. You will punch him, he will tickle you, you will punch him again and he will tickle you some more. And then you are on top of him, trying to be the strongest of the two. You should know by now though, that your dad is stronger than you are and he's not good at losing. He wants to win. So do you. So the two of you keep going until someone gets hurt. I guess it's a father daughter thing. It's great to watch.

Beware of what you wish for...

She's probably the most controversial mom on Earth. At the very least, she's the most exceptional mom on Earth. We must admit, that we have all heard about her: Octomom aka Nadya Suleman.
Nadya had given birth to 6 children, after being treated for not being able to get pregnant. She tried IVF and every time she got pregnant because of this treatment. On every IVF attempt, 6 embryos were implanted into her womb. She knew that having multiplets was one of the possible consequences of having 6 embryos implanted at the same time. She had given birth to twins before, but nobody could predict octuplets.. not Nadya and not her doctor..

Nadya had 6 children, was unemployed and had no income. Her mother let her live in one of her houses and helped her out with the children. Nadya dreamed of a big family, with a lot of children.. and no husband. She wanted her eldest child to have siblings, many siblings. And that's exactly what she did. After the 6th child, Nadya had some embryos left and she decided she wanted another child, the last in line. So she went back to her doctor - who was aware that Nadya was a single, unemployed mother of 6 - to get pregnant again. He implanted 6 embryos, just like the previous attempts. Only 9 days later, Nadya could feel her tummy grow. And not much later, her gynaecologist confirmed that all 6 embryos were alife. Later on, they noticed a 7th baby in the womb.

Nadya's delivery was carefully planned. No less than 46 doctors, specialists, nurses, care givers were at the scene to help her out. All 7 babies came into this world perfectly sound and safe and the gynaecologist was preparing to get the placenta out of the womb, when he felt a little hand: miraculously, an 8th baby was born...

Nadya has 14 children in total now, lives in a house that is not spacious enough for a family this big, without any financial help. She's working on getting a degree, so later on, she will be able to provide for her beloved family. She never asked for octuplets.. she wanted one more baby, and she got 8 instead. Aborting one or more of the embryos was out of the question, since Nadya believes that every child is a gift of God...

For her sake and for the sake of the children, I hope God will take care of them. He has taken a great responsibility there..

Momnesia

Have you ever forgotten to pick up your children from music class?

Did you forget to cook your children dinner, because you were too busy answering those emails?

Or maybe you have so much help from others, that you are the perfect mom, that has tons of time to spend on her baby..

If you are in the last category, you're lucky but you're also rare. Not many moms have the luxury to have a nanny or a live in au pair. Being a mom is pretty darn hard. It's more than a full time job. It's 24/7! Did anybody ever warn you about that, when you were so busy getting pregnant? What a joke..

Having kids is wonderful and they add so much more to our life, really. I love them to pieces and I would pull out my hair if something happened to one of them. Some days though, I ask myself: how do all these moms keep working full time, when they also have a husband and children to take care off? How do they do it??? How do they cook fresh meals every day, drive their offspring to all different activities, find the time to be a reading mom in school and organize the most wonderful birthday parties ever? I've been working on and off and every time I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I have time to take a breath and enjoy my children. Whenever I'm at work, I'm totally stressed, because I do not want to give up on my own activities, my children's activities, fresh cooked home made meals, all of that combined with a full time job.

I'm looking for a new job and at the same time, it scares me to be a working mom again. It's so hectic to do everything and to have so little time for yourself. I'm very fortunate to have a husband who helps out a lot in the house and with the children, I know that. I've seen oh so many other men... But still, organization of the household is not the piece of cake some women talk about. Either they fool themselves, or they do not want to admit it to others. Or maybe they think all other women are superwomen and they need to be one too! So that's when they end up being depressed and overworked and on their way to the looney world.

So Momnesia is something we have to deal with. It might get better once the children get older.. I guess. Because no matter how old our children will be, we will always be a mother. Maybe by the time they will be old enough to take care of themselves, Momnesia will have turned in to Amnesia. Bless us, moms..

Parenting is a verb, more than a noun

Once you are a parent, you are always a parent: 24/7. Children are fully entitled to the attention of their parents and the child must be the parent's number one priority. That does not mean you have to spoil your child, buying it every new gadget around. It means you provide safety and security in a loving home.

Children need to make mistakes to grow up. As a parent, you should give it some sort of freedom, to let it experiment and get experienced in life. Sometimes you need to step back as a parent, even if you don't agree with the choices your children make. Because they are entitled to their own choices in life.

It's important that both parents get along well enough to agree over the education of the children. Children need stability and structure in their life. And beware: children mimic their parents! So if you feel your child is not behaving or acting disrespectful, try to look at yourself and try to discover where things went wrong. Happy parents make happy children.

Parenting takes a lot of work, but it can be the best job of a lifetime!

Father figure

I don't know how my father is doing. I haven't seen him in 12 years. I know I have a father, but I can't remember doing anything special with him. Just him and me, I mean. I remember he was always working and he never had time for us. He could never remember the grade I was in or which school I attended. He forgot my birthdays and called my friends the wrong name.

I remember one particular story about my childhood. Every summer, we would rent an apartment on the coast. My father would never join us. "Work", remember? But that Sunday, he came to visit us. We were promised to ride go-carts along the beach. I wore my brand new red clogs, white dots and all. My father hated those clogs, because he couldn't stand the tapping sound they made. But I wore them anyway. He told me I was going to lose them while riding the go-cart. I thought he just didn't want me to wear them. But as we took our first turn, one of the clogs slipped from my foot and I lost it. I didn't say anything. I cried in silence. I didn't want to hear the "told you so" line. The other clog never came home again. Too painful. I must have been 6 or 7 at the time. But it's like it happened just yesterday. I wanted him to comfort me, but he didn't notice my grief. 

When my husband asked my father if he could marry me, his answer was: "take her and don't bring her back. She does not come with a warranty certificate." Not exactly the answer you expect from a future father-in-law, is it? I think I laughed over it. What else could I do? My husband thought it was pretty sick though.. and he didn't know what to answer him.

When we finally got married, my father didn't show up. "Work".. again.. it sure didn't make me feel special, that I know. 

Some 5 years ago, I saw him while I secretly visited my sister, that I hadn't seen in 7 years. He came into her house and noticed my presence. He turned on his heels and left. He didn't say a word and didn't even look at me. A little bird told me that he says he has 2 children, not 3.

The last time he saw us, our eldest daughter had just turned 2. He had not even held our newborn. I have sent him letters over the years. Pictures of his granddaughters were sent as well. He never opened the letters. The pictures returned..

I hear he's happy. I hear he and my mother travel once in a while. They go on week-end trips. He reads books. But he still works full-time. He has no intentions to get to know my family. 

It is what it is.. That doesn't make it less painful though.

The way you do the things you do

You have these strange habits, of doing the things the way you do. The way you put your left hand on your hip, when you brush your teeth. Or how your left hand rests on your chest when you shave. The wash cloth you put on your eyes, when you take a relaxing bath. The bottle of water on your night stand, although you don't drink it. Coming down the stairs backwards, like your mother taught you. Rocking back and forth on a chair, whenever you're reflecting on something that is important to you. Rolling over in bed before you fall asleep..

Those habits of yours can really irritate me at times. But I would miss them if you would give up on them. Because you wouldn't be you any more. And I like you, for who you are. You and the way you do the things you do..

Let's kiss and make up

When we were kids, my brother and sister and I used to fight over everything. Stupid issues, but that's what kids fight about, right? Whenever my dad would enter the room, he would say we had to kiss and make up. How I hated that phrase!! I never wanted to kiss and make up! I wanted him to listen to me and hear why we were fighting. I wanted him for once in a life time, to listen to us, children, to hear what we had to say. But he never did.. I guess it was the easiest way out for him. He was never really good with solving issues. Neither was my mom. They always thought moving on was the best solution. It lead to major issues that until now, have not been  solved. 

I never learned how to solve conflicts. It's not easy. It's easier to run from the problem than to deal with it. But experience tells me, that it's not the best solution. Because after all, the problems won't go away, on the contrary, they will haunt you. 

So nowadays, I'm still not a fan of kiss and make up. I want to kiss and make up, after we have solved the issue. And I'm still learning. I want to do better.