Am I going to die?

Of course I am! Aren't we all going to die? Isn't that the circle of life?

I'm not joking. These questions are being asked. Not recently, not that I remember, that is. But they have been asked. If the diabetes is going to kill me... Ten years ago, I would have answered: I guess so.. Because I didn't know any better. I thought my body would deteriorate in no time. My endocrinologist told me about kidney failure and amputations of the limbs. She told me that blindness is one of the most common complications of diabetes. Well guess what: she was wrong! Diabetes does NOT lead to these awful complications. POOR diabetes treatment does... 

Can you understand why it's so important to diabetics (sorry for the word, but it types faster than people with diabetes) to get good control? Why they aim for good bloodsugars? It's not that we are so fond of poking our fingers multiple times a day or because we love to jab needles into our bodies.. Trust me: there are wilder things in life to keep busy. Bare with us, if the flunctuations in our bloodsugar play tricks with us. I realize it's hard to watch us go through a low episode and loose complete control. It's not something we challenge to happen. We don't dare ourselves to get lows. I admit, we may be a little crazy, but lows are not exactly the best party ever. We prefer numbers in the 70-140 range, just like you do, but guess what? It's not up to us. There are so many reasons why our blood decides not to act like we want it to act. It's not just about dosing insulin. It's a whole lot more...

Valentine's Day is coming up. I want to thank my husband, for baring with me. I want to thank him for letting me be his wife with diabetes. I'm grateful that he doesn't interfere in my D, because after all: it's MY diabetes and it's my job to control it. It's always a bonus if you can talk about your insecurities with your partner or share your concerns. It's good to have someone around in case of .. well.. in case of... you know what. But you know what? I live day by day. I don't let negativity take over. So many things can go wrong, I am well aware of that. But guess what? So many things can go right...  Why waste all that precious time worrying and sobbing over things we cannot control? Why can't we just make the most of it and do the best we can? There's so much more to life than diabetes. Really...

Creating lasting memories

She was walking around Ghent, in between babysitting hours.
He took the bus from his house to Ghent, to see a glimpse of her.
They ran into each other at Petit Coeur, a unique coffee place in the middle of town. That's where they had lunch together. Do you think they were holding hands?
He didn't have much spare time, but nevertheless, he chose to take that bus and surprise her. I think that was a very lovely thing to do. She probably sighed ooh's and aah's.
Her eyes light up with every text message he sends her. She talks in a softer voice. Daydreams distract her from whatever she's doing and her mind drifts off every often so. I'm so happy for her. Being in love is wonderful and is to be cherished.
I'm glad she's telling me more about him. I believe he's good for her. She's my little girl, growing up to become a young woman. I think she's ready for it. I think I am too...

Timesulin

You probably wonder why I'm writing a blog about a device to help diabetics on injections remember their last insulin shot. Since I am a pumper, I no longer have these issues. That doesn't mean I haven't had them in the past. On numerous occasions I had to ask my family whether they had seen me shooting up insulin before my meal. Of course they never did.. Which lead to the dilemma: shooting up extra insulin, with the risk of getting overdosed or leaving it just like that, with a humongous high number afterwards because of the missed insulin... I tried all different tricks but none of them were sufficient enough. When I traded my insulin pens (I didn't really give them back, I buried them) for an insulin pump, I was so happy with the log book in my pump. Finally I could check whether I had given myself my insulin doses or not. Why had nobody come up with something similar for my D-friends on injections?

That's where Timesulin comes in the picture. John Sjölund, a T1 diabetic himself, is a very sporty guy. He likes to run, compete in triathlons, dares himself skiing... But like I said: he is on insulin, just like us. As so many of us, he would forget about when he took his last shot. Having a brain that never stops thinking, he came up with Timesulin. Timesulin is a replacement cap that turns any insulin pen into a smart pen, to show how long it's been since the last insulin injection. It helps in easing daily worries for people living with diabetes and preventing accidental missed or double doses.

This Timesulin smart cap, works with all major insulin pens. It enhances safety, reduces anxiety, is affordable and very easy to use. Because John knows what living with D is like. He knows how dangerous it is to go to bed, not knowing whether you shot up your Lantus or not. Now he can double check. His Timesulin will tell him when he took his last shot. It reassures him of a good diabetes treatment and better numbers. You can improve your diabetes treatment, just like John did! Ask your diabetes team about Timesulin or check their website for more information. You won't need training for this device. Just remove the old cap from your insulin pen, click the Timesulin on your pen and you're all set! Try it out for yourself!

Did I take my shot or not? will no longer be an issue when using Timesulin..

In labor

The moment I heard about this video, I wanted to see it. Men are such wussies when it comes to pain. Their pain threshold is very low, not to say extremely low. Just thinking about a painful situation, makes their stomach twirl and cramp together. I don't know why this is, but I hear it from all of my friends. They all accuse their partner of being a 4 yo toddler when it comes to experiencing pain. They need your full attention, they want to be tucked in and you have to kiss them on their forehead, like their mother would do. Even a simple cold keeps them in bed and they couldn't care less about household chores. They want you to wait on them whenever they feel the need for a mug of hot tea with a spoonful of honey and some pain killers. At a certain point, you are ready to call an ambulance and have them pick up your patient. For it is too much to witness.

You can't feel sorry for them, as their overreaction is just pathetic at times. Isn't it hilarious how they take a look at themselves in the mirror over and over again, to check the paleness of their face and how droopy their eyes look? They want you to hold their hand when they feel nauseous and rub their back when they start to gag. They want you to wipe their sweaty forehead and tuck a second pillow under their shoulders.. Boy oh boy.. are they lucky wives are good nurses.. We are used to dealing with children in pain. We don't freak out when we have to clean dirty bums or wipe away vomit from the couch. We go to work with sore tummies that certain time of the month, without blinking even once. We massage our own neck when it's hurting and we are capable of putting on a band aid to cover that deep cut in our finger without passing out. We know where to find the first aid box and we make sure medical supplies are present. Have you seen us make funny faces when we have a spoonful of cough syrup? And no, it isn't cute or charming. It's not even entertaining when they tell their relatives about that awful disease they endured. You can see rolling (female) eyes when they exaggerate the degree of their illness. Us women understand.. we know what a pain in the bum male patients are. I have so much respect for nurses in the ER. They probably face that terror every day. When you hear words like "euthanasia" when your husband is having an ailment, just run while you still can. Don't give in. Don't pamper him! If you do once, you are lost forever..

Butterflies

She's in love... I can tell it by the look in her eyes.. They look radiant. She speaks in a soft voice now and I can almost see the butterflies twirl around in her tummy. She's nearly 16 and she has become a beautiful young lady. Her shiny hair and her beautiful smile could make any boy turn his head. Hold on to that wonderful feeling sweetie. It's the best feeling ever...

Hot flashes

It's just not possible. I'm only 40. Or am I 41? Doesn't matter. It's just not possible. I'm too young to be having those hot flashes. They are not there all the time. Lately, I have been experiencing those flare ups especially while cooking. So it must be the range cooker or the oven for that matter. Seriously.. hot flashes? Me? naaah...

I miss my old kitchen windows. I could open them whenever I felt the need. Since we have renovated the kitchen, the wood windows have been replaced by more modern and energy saving double insulated PVC windows. The carpenter who came to replace the windows, talked us out of having windows you can open. He said there was no use. There are small fans on top of the windows and that would do the trick. NOT! I hate him. I should not have listened to him. I should have listened to my inner voice and I should've known I would need those windows to open in case I had hot flashes. Damn him..

So I walk outside, on the terrace. I throw off my clothes and finish the cooking in my underwear. Sometimes I put on an apron, especially when using searing hot oil in my Chinese wok. Don't want to splatter hot oil on my bare skin, right? I am too hot to even sit down and eat. So I wait. I cool off and I eat cold dinners.

I am not old enough to have hot flashes. I'm just not.

A tragedy with a happy ending

On his way back from Hamburg, Germany - with Shirley Bassey still on his mind - our friend got notified that one of his whippets was missing. Both dogs had been staying with different dogsitters during his visit to Hamburg. Little Stephanie had escaped from the fenced backyard and she had not looked back. She had no idea her dogsitters would miss her so much and she was not aware of the anxiety her daddy would have to face. Being a sporty whippet, Stephanie loves to run and play and she's full of energy to chase squirrels and rabbits. Is that what she saw that made her flee? We don't know... the only thing we knew, that our friend was torn apart. He wanted his baby girl back. It was freezing cold out there and snow was to be expected later.

When I read the news on FB, my heart stopped for a second. O no! not Stephanie!!!! She's so tiny and slim and lovable  Just the thought of her being out there on the run, while our whippets were covered up in blankets on the couch, was unthinkable. Our hearts went out to our friend, who was in despair to retrieve this little cutie. He jumped on his bike as soon as he got home, racing around town, trying to see a glimpse of this grey whippet. He didn't spot her once.. Hours went by without news. The police force had been alarmed and the animal shelters too. An add had been put on Binnenbeest just in case someone had found her. We all went to bed, worried about her well being and the sanity of our friend, who was probably going mad by then..

Getting up the next morning, I checked my cell phone. Stephanie was still missing. Some other whippet lovers were organizing a real network to find Stephanie. Flyers were being printed and people were asked to come to Antwerp and spread the word. I never thought so many people would get up and brave the cold. Some of them had not even met our friend, nor his dogs... Wow... I was truly moved by this gesture. There are more dog lovers out there than we were aware off..

There were numerous phone calls, of people asking if we had contacted the police or the animal shelters or just to know if she had been found. That's how our friend initially missed the ultimate phone call!! Thank goodness for voice mail! Stephanie had been found! And she had not spent the night outside in the cold. A lovely lady had been chasing her for a while the day before. Not prepared to give up, she hopped out of her car, ignored red lights and moved around town as fast as she could. She lost track of Stephanie once, but like half an hour later, she spotted her again. Determined to grab her, our own Super Whippet Woman chased Stephanie again and she finally got hold of her.. What a relief.. She had no idea who the poor girl belonged to, but she could tell she was well taken care of: clipped nails, cleaned teeth and a shiny fur. Stephanie had a good night rest in a warm bed and Super Whippet Woman took her for a walk in the morning. Until she made the phone call to the Animal Shelter CAD..

What a happy ending for a story that could have turned in to a tragedy... Stephanie had crossed the most dangerous intersections of Antwerp, all by her self. She had faced the wild goings of the Sportpaleis in action and she had endured the icy cold. Thank you for bringing Stephanie home, safe and sound. You truly are Super Whippet Woman! Thanks to everybody who helped out looking for Stephanie and spreading the word. You are all amazing!

A barrel full of mixed emotions...

In 2006, people said artificial pancreases (you know, the most ugliest organ in our body that is, among other things, responsible for making insulin) were never going to happen. It was just impossible to have a device regulating your bloodsugar. But here it is!!!! IT IS POSSIBLE!! The man in this video nearly made the tears roll down on my face. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Your story was moving and motivating and encouraging for so many T1 diabetics out there. I think of parents who have young children with diabetes. How they could finally have a good night of sleep or how they would send their child on a summer camp with just one thing to worry about: if they would not miss their parents. No worries about highs and lows, no worries about counting the carbs correctly.

I'm thinking of many of my friends. What their lives would be like if they would have an artificial pancreas. They would no longer get lows at the most inconvenient times. Their numbers would not skyrocket in stressy periods.

It would make life so much easier for T1 women with a baby wish.Do you have any idea what an effort T1 women have to do, to prep their bodies for a possible pregnancy? It takes months of strict dieting and perfect BG numbers, before they can even consider the attempt?

I'm thinking of the students with T1, who would be so happy if they could go out with their friends, have a drink, stay up all night and eat junk food. They wouldn't have to get up early in the morning to check their blood sugar levels and their parents wouldn't have to fear a coma due to an unnoticed hypoglycemia.

Wow... I'm truly flabbergasted.. I want to hug this man and thank him for this positive message. I never realized this news would hit me this hard. I have accepted my diabetes. After all, it's been my partner for 10 and a half years now. I'm not mad I have to count carbs and I can deal with lows and highs. I was a disbeliever of the artificial pancreas, just like so many others. But thank goodness there are people out here, who have faith and knowledge and who are smart enough to make this happen. The fund raising must go on. This device could help 10% of the diabetics out there, to lead a "normal" life. We never asked to be different. We never asked for diabetes. Our pancreas failed on us. I think I am going to put this "smartphone" on my wish list. It would be the greatest gift of all..

Nothin' much

Photo by Lana Joos

Grmbl grmbl.. the monotonous sound of the Kenwood kneading the dough of two buttermilk breads, is comforting. I'm home alone. Monday is my favorite day to roam around the house and get some chores done. Around 8 AM, I made the white carpet in the backyard grind with my rubber boots, while I was stumbling  all the way back there, to feed the chickens and refresh their (frozen) water. Only one peeked through the entrance, but decided not to come out. It's freezing cold and the air is fresh. I love the smell of this early morning. Rebba is too lazy to come out of her cosy bed and join me. Or maybe it's because she is startled I am going out this early to feed the chickens? Inthe wouldn't want to miss a play in the backyard, but it's not going to happen this morning.

By 9:30 AM the towels will be ready to be put into the dryer. I love plenty of warm, soft towels to dry me off when I come out of my shower. I keep my fingers crossed there will be hot water this morning. We have had some problems with the water heater lately. Hubby has installed a new one and he's still working on getting it to operate properly. We have hot water in the kitchen but the bathroom is still a problem. Thank goodness for warm water in the kitchen sink. It's almost nostalgic..

There's not much on my to do list today. I'm thinking about what I can serve my family for dinner tonight. I'm sure Hubby would like black pudding with mash and home made chunky apple sauce, but that's not something the three of us crave. So I need to find a second option for the rest of the family. The mash will serve us all. Maybe some home made burgers and the best onion sauce we call "klittesaus" to go with it? I have carrots and celery and leeks and Chinese cabbage in my fridge as well and there are ripe tomatoes (as far as you can ripen them in wintertime) sitting in a bowl in the kitchen. The grocery list on my BB is getting completed as my mind drifts off to certain recipes. Maybe this afternoon, I could clean out my pantry and feed my family for the rest of the month with pantry staples? I know there's plenty of food in the freezer that could do with a defrost. That is quite a challenge I guess, making a menu with pantry staples. I'll think about it..

Just the way you are

Every day I discover new things about you and your personality. I'm happy with who you are and what you stand for. You're a smart girl and you look gorgeous. You take good care of yourself and spend quite some time in the bathroom. I guess you are ready for a boyfriend and want to show the best of you. You are beautiful just the way you are. There's no need to put on make up. Show your natural beauty and highlight your smile, because when you smile your broadest smile, your eyes laugh and that's irresistible. Boys like girls who are not afraid to be themselves. There's no need to copy someone else. We have seen you go through different stages in puberty. Trying to discover yourself, you try out different styles and attitudes. That one special boy will find you, don't worry. He will be there before you know it. You already have lots of friends, and quite some male friends. They like you sweetie. Don't try too hard. It all starts as being friends...

Listen! Just listen for a change!

I love you. I really do. You are my friend and I like to spend time with you. We laugh and we cry, we cuddle and babble. But oh how do I hate your disrespect when it comes to following up appointments.. I was so looking forward to seeing you and hearing about your life. At the same time, I was dreading and fearing that you would postpone the date or come late or change the hour or place of meeting. It made me nervous and it gave me mixed feelings about the date. I know it's not of any importance to you. You could care less, to be exact. If only we meet, you keep saying. To you, it's not important if we meet at 7 PM or 9 PM. It doesn't matter to you if you postpone a date 4 times for reasons I can't even remember. Reasons I can't remember, because they are nothing but fallacies. You give me the feeling that I am not important to you. You have other priorities. That's okay, it's your life. You can have your own priorities. Can I have mine too?

Yes, it would be nice if we could talk about this and NO, I don't want to talk about it. You always give me a bad feeling when we try to discuss this subject, like I'm some hysterical woman who can't deal with changes in her schedule. It's not about that one single time you choose a different location one hour before we meet. It's about the previous 99 times I waited for you, without avail. I'm just fed up with rearranging my schedule for you. I could care less if I eat at 8 PM or 10 PM, if we meet in this restaurant or another one. That's not the point. The point is, that you don't hear me. You don't respect me. And I give in, every time. I wait in the car for 45 minutes, biting my nails and getting all wound up. I don't want to do this any more. I thought we had an agreement. Why can't you, just for once, keep an appointment the way it was meant to be..

I'm sad. I'm disappointed. You hurt my feelings. I still love you though. I want to spend time with you. I want to slap you in the face, but I would never do so. I have to let go of this aggravation before it starts to eat me. I need you to apologize. I need to hear from you that you are sorry.
Just listen to me. LISTEN TO ME!

A personal invitation

Photo Lana Joos

He puts on his clothes. She's standing beside him, still like a statue. He walks around the table, to get his shoes. She's like a shadow, following wherever he goes.. Rebba is spread out on the couch, pretending to be fast asleep. She's covering her eyes with her front legs. One ear is pointed though, like she doesn't want to miss anything. Inthe is still sticking to Hubby's leg and moves along with every step he takes. He's getting ready to take them for a walk. Inthe is all excited, but she's not jumping over him. She knows what's about to happen. She trusts his rituals and she knows it won't be much longer now before they leave. He puts on her leash and Rebba is still not moving an inch. She's waiting for a personal invitation. After all, she's the oldest and she got here way before Inthe (like 6 months..). "Wanna go for a walk, Rebba?", Hubby asks. She looks up, all excited and she jumps from the couch like she's a one year old puppy. It doesn't take long to put on her leash. They are all set to go. Inthe doesn't look back. Her body is headed in one direction: the front door. Rebba pulls her leash in a desperate attempt to see if I'm coming too. I'm not. This is my quiet time. Hubby does real well. He throws balls on the soccer field for Inthe to catch. He walks around the soccer field numerous times and he then takes them for a longer walk around town. I can't keep up with them. It's my time to take a shower and clean up the clutter in the house. I can rearrange the pillows on the couch for the girls to come home and throw them all over the place again. I know they love these walks. I wish I were better at going along.. Maybe I need a personal invitation too..

Growing up

Tapas Bar Catala - Photo by Lana Joos

The girls are getting taller as we are getting older. One will leave for college in September. Only our little one (who's going to be 16 before we know it) will stay at home for a couple more years. We are lucky that at least one of the girls is still going to live with us. The house would be really empty without children and I will even miss the argy-bargy between the two of them.

7 bridges - photo by Eva Joos

We have done quite some traveling as a family so far. We started to realize that maybe those vacations together are coming to an end. The girls have their own activities and they have friends to do fun things with. Summer holidays also means time to find a job and make some money of their own.
We decided to take the girls on a city trip as a Christmas gift. We both knew they were looking forward to going Amsterdam. There were so many things we wanted to do, but the main goal was shopping. After all, three out of four are ladies.. sorry hubby...

Anne Frank - photo by Lana Joos

Amsterdam was wonderful. Hubby had planned the trip and everything went just well. The hotel was in the center of Amsterdam, giving us the chance to stroll down the Kalverstraat as often as we wanted. Visiting the House of Anne Frank was on our list too. We did see the house.. well.. that is, we saw the facade but we didn't go in. Although all four of us were curious about this historic monument, the line waiting in front and around the corner was just way too long. It was cold and dark and not exactly pleasant to stand there for a couple of hours. We were running out of time.. It was good that hubby already got tickets to do some sightseeing by boat. Yes, I am deeply ashamed that I fell asleep on the boat.. Too much shopping, way too many low diabetic episodes and sore shins made me doze off to another world. I missed most (read: all) of the explanation since I didn't use the headphone.. Sorry! I'm glad you all filled me in on the tour and the meaning of the crooked houses along the canal.

photo by Lana Joos

We had a pleasant stay in this wonderful city with its hundreds of shops! Nevertheless, we took the train to Zaandam to shop some more (the girls just had to go to Primark) and we didn't regret fleeing the bustle of the city for a couple of hours.
If you ever get the chance to visit Amsterdam, grab a bite at Tapas Bar Catala or endeavor a juicy Argentinian steak at Cau. You won't regret the visit. 

The first kiss..

It's been a while. Let's say, it's been a long, long time ago. That first kiss. So important, so frightening, so grown up. I had been longing for that kiss, dreaming about it. Who would be the first  one to kiss me? What would it feel like? What was I supposed to do? I read about it in the teen magazines and I would close my eyes in bed and imagine what it would feel like..

He was older than me. I think he must have been my sister's age. I only remember his first name and that he was blond and tall. I didn't even fancy him. But he gave me my first grown up kiss. He had been drinking. The only thing I could think of was: I hate the smell of beer.. His tongue touched mine. I had never realized how big a tongue could be. How intimidating it could feel. That first kiss wasn't special. It was not a kiss to remember, although I never forgot. But it meant I entered a completely new world: the world of the kissers! Finally I knew how to kiss and nothing could stop me from finding another boy, who didn't drink beer and who wasn't that tall that my neck hurt reaching for his lips.

It feels strange to go back in time and recapitulate. I let former boyfriends pass my mind and I try to remember their kisses. Did you ever keep notes on boyfriends? You know, like giving them scores and stuff? I did!!! I honestly did!!! It was hilarious to say the least. I would rate them on kissing, appearance, .. I kept that notebook for quite a long time. When a friend in Portland, Oregon laughed at my notebook, I thought it was time to let go. I wish I could scroll through that book again, to refresh my memory and see if reading about those boyfriends would bring back memories. It would help me understand my daughters I guess...

I'm no longer 14. Being 41 is somehow different. You have passed the stage of discovering new things. But I believe one is never too old to kiss. Kissing is wonderful and very intimate. It's like going back to basics and being completely in love again. I love being in love. I love to kiss.

Substitutes...

You must have seen them in the supermarket. You know, those "fake" sausages and "veggie" burgers. I still don't get it, why vegetarians want their greens to look like meat. If they really don't want to eat meat, then why do they want the substitute to resemble it? To me, it is such a disappointment. Although I am not a meat eater, I can appreciate a chipolata like sausage on the BBQ. But what if that sausage doesn't taste like the real thing??? You expect the juicy taste of pork and you get nothing but badly seasoned cardboard?

Isn't it the same with alcohol? Ever tried non-alcoholic beer (I haven't, but I don't drink the real deal either)? Why would you want to replace beer by non-alcoholic beer? You only fool yourself, don't you? If you want it to taste like beer: have the real stuff. If you want to quit drinking beer, drink something that doesn't even come close to the taste. Otherwise you keep tempting yourself, I would think.

Now how about fake cigarettes? The commercials on TV make us believe that there is no problem switching to fake cigarettes if you want to quit smoking. You can even smoke these cigarettes in the house, because they don't smell like cigs. The (grand)children will no longer hate you or wave the polluted air out of their face if you smoke in front of them. Does that make smoking more acceptable? Or is it another form of disillusion?

Would there be a substitute for insulin? If there would be one, I wouldn't want it to be fluid. I would want it to be crunchy, carb-free, tasty and well seasoned..

Is that alright with you?

If you are lucky, you have a parent-partner to discuss all of the children-issues with. It is important to be consequent when raising children. It is also important to have a broad mind and let others state their values. Your method could be as effective as mine or the other way around, or maybe there might be a third method that both parents can agree on. As long as there is room for discussion and consideration. We don't always have to agree, but it would be helpful if we could work something out between us, before the children come in. Raising children is not easy. Having teens in the house is a challenge. We'll get there, I just know we will. It will take some more discussion and we may need to listen to each other without interrupting the other so we can make ourselves understood. Children need freedom, to a certain extend, so they can learn and experience life. They do need some guidance as well, because some consequences of their actions are too hard to understand at such a young age. Sometimes children need to be protected from themselves.
Maybe I need to let go of the reins every now and then. Maybe you need to pull the strings every once in a while. I don't want to be the bad guy at all times. You can't be Santa every day.. The girls won't stop loving us for not getting all that they want.. We will always love them. That is the best present ever.

Clutter causes stress

Admit it: clutter causes stress... I'm not much of a housewife when it comes to cleaning the house (like in mopping the floors, cleaning windows, vacuuming, ..) although I really like a clean house. To me, it is important to have a clutter free house. There is always clutter in a family house. If everyone would pick up after themselves, it would save a lot of time cleaning up. There are some helpful tips to keep the house tidied up and to get rid of the stress that comes with clutter.

• Keep a basket handy at all times. Whenever you go around the house, bring your basket along and gather all the clutter. Give every person in the household their own cabinet (we have these cabinets under the stairs). Put the clutter in the right cabinet and let your beloved ones sort out their own clutter once a week. Whenever they are missing something, they will know where to look.
• Keep a box for missing socks. It happens all the time. Keep them all in one box and go through this box every now and then to match pairs. It also works for gloves.
• Have a box that says: Dressmaker. Whenever you find an item that needs sewing up or repairing, put it in this box with a little note stuck to it that says what it needs done.
• Make your bed as soon as you get up. Coming into a bedroom with an untidy bed, always make the room look like crap. And don't we all love a well made up bed when we are ready to go sleep? Change your bed linen every other week for wonderful night times.
• Hang up any wet towels right after showering. It keeps the bathroom clean and it gives the towels the opportunity to dry. Open the bathroom window at the same time, to let fresh air come in and let the fog on the mirror drift away.
• Put away your coat, gloves, umbrella, shoes, .. when you are still in the hallway. What makes you think coats should be hung on a chair in the dining room if there are clothes hangers in the wardrobe?
• We have tons of blankets to have that cozy feeling sitting on the couch at night. It's easy to fold them and put them away when you go to bed..
• Whenever you go to the kitchen, bring something that was left on the coffee table, like empty glasses, yogurt containers, spoons,.. Don't just put them in the sink. We do have a dishwasher and a bin.
• Fill up the dishwasher while you are cooking, so the sink is not loaded once dinner is over. (that's my job for the upcoming weeks - I know I make a terrible mess in the kitchen when I cook)
• Take of your clothes near the hamper. It's easier to put them right where they belong, so the laundry gets done in time.
• Put away freshly ironed clothes. It's wonderful to open your wardrobe and see everything is cleaned up and tidy.
• Do small favors for other people in the house, without expecting anything in return. It makes life so much easier.
• Put a new bin liner in the bin when you take out the trash. Don't forget to pick up any dropped items.

Ready or not

The soft sound of Enya was playing in the dimly lit room. Not one chair was empty. I heard people sob and every now and then I could hear someone blow their nose. The chairs were lined up in half a circle. Every chair had a white rose, tied to the back of the chair with white silk ribbons. In the middle of the circle, on a high table, there was a small white coffin. The matte sheen of the wood seemed serene, just like the people present. The coffin was open all the way. It had satin upholstery and on the satin pillow, decorated with white little roses, rested the head of a beautiful young girl. Her black shiny hair was combed to perfection. Her hairpin with the little black and white flower kept the strands of hair from covering up her eyes. Her eyelids were closed, showing her perfect thick and long lashes. Like delicate porcelain, her skin was pale and spotless. I recognized her favorite black dress, with the fine patent leather belt around the waist, the skirt wide and fluffy. Her legs hidden in black tights, just like she always wore them. Her little feet, kept warm in the shiny black patent leather slippers, that looked just like doll shoes. I didn't see her pacifier.. she cannot sleep without her pacifier, I mumbled. Nobody heard me. Maybe I didn't even say it out loud. I remember how tiny her hands were in mine, when she would sit in my lap for her afternoon nap. I would hold her hands together under the blanket, her head resting in my neck, her legs bent and the soles of her feet touching each other. I took another glance at the little Princess. She looked so fragile, so delicate and at the same time so peaceful..  But didn't she always look like this? She was like a beautiful doll.. 

I'm not ready for this. Not yet. It was nothing but a bad dream. I will see her on Thursday. She's okay. She has a chronic disease, I know. She won't grow old, I know. She gets seizures and pneumonia and she has troubles breathing and swallowing. I know. But she's still there. And I will take care of her whenever I get the chance to. Because there is so much left for her to teach me..

Like-minded souls

Not even 6 months ago, a mutual friend introduced us on Facebook. What started out as small talk, turned into a friendship that neither one of us had expected. So many similarities, so many mutual hobbies. Today, we met for the first time in real life. It never crossed my mind that this moment would actually occur. Overall, she lives in the Northern part of Holland, about 400 km from our little village. It is a long drive, but since part of his family lives over here, they do visit our region 4 times a year.

It was a joy to have them over today. It was like seeing a long lost friend. It was like she took the words right out of my mouth. She would say something at the exact same moment as I was thinking it. Creepy huh! We wanted to surprise each other with home made goodies (she's a foodie too - what did you think). Can you believe we made the exact same chocolate pistachio fudge by Nigella Lawson??? Unbelievable.. of course her version will be different from mine, even though the recipe was the same. You can never make the same recipe twice. Every cook has his own touch and we all interpret recipes in our own particular way. But I'm sure I will love her fudge. I already tried the fig chutney she brought and I'm looking forward to the home made chili jam. What a lovely thing to do!

I think we would sit in each other's kitchen pretty often if that 400 km distance wasn't in the picture. It's great to have someone to talk to in English and to share so many things. Thanks for coming over! Although I wasn't feeling well, I loved having the two of you. 

What are you doing this for?

Sometimes I get really irritated. To others, for no reason. To me, for many reasons. Maybe I cannot always point out the reasons, but they are there. Having a household of 4 people, 2 dogs and a cat (I'm not mentioning the fish, the turtles, the chickens - I guess I just mentioned them nevertheless), there are always a lot of chores to be done. A three story house and a large garden need maintenance if you want to keep it clean and tidy. We all have a role in it. I'm so lucky to have a husband who is helping out as much as possible. He takes a big part of the housekeeping on his shoulders. So many things need to be done around the house and the TO DO LIST is growing by the day.. I don't know when all of the chores will come to an end, because things keep piling up. I promised myself I would have some more time to myself, but it's not working. the ME TIME LIST got lost somewhere..
I keep adding things to the To Do List and the list is getting longer day by day. I can cross off some things, but new things get added faster than I can cross them off. I'm irritated. I AM IRRITATED! I.A.M.I.R.R.I.T.A.T.E.D. !

First Aid

No, don't worry. No ambulances or doctors involved this time...

Today, while I was driving my oldest daughter to school, we had this talk about medication. I don't remember how we got to this subject, but it reminded me of my childhood. In the pantry, there was a First Aid cabinet. Of course, we were not supposed to open the door to that cabinet without supervision, but we knew some things in there were pure fun. There was a jar, filled with black powder. That powder was called Norit and it was nothing else but activated carbon. It was there in case one of us had a mild form of diarrhea or some kind of poisoning. The fun thing about Norit was, that if you ate a spoonful of the carbon, your mouth, tongue and teeth would turn black in a jiffy. It had a strange taste to it and I can't say it tasted bad or good. It just tasted different and it looked very appealing. There was no chance our mother wouldn't find out, because of the black traces the powder would leave behind..
There was something else I really liked.. children's aspirin. The small pink tablet would melt in your mouth. It tasted sooo good! I don't recall the brand of the aspirin but I do remember the taste. I would easily eat a full strip of aspirin, just for the fun of it. I guess I didn't have much of a fever..

This is the end

It's the end of the world and we know it..

Are you still there? Or have you taken your rescue boat to escape from the end of the world? Then where are you headed to? Let me know, so I can come visit you wherever you may be..

This story is not so absurd. Lately we have seen different documentaries on preppers, getting ready to defeat the odds. They are convinced this world is coming to an end on Dec 21 2012. They have been preparing themselves for this drama for several years. I wonder if they did anything else in those last years, besides collecting 22.000 kg of food or enough arms to provide an entire group of soldiers. Did they have fun getting ready? Or were they really depressed about the upcoming ordeal?

Just assume the end is really coming. Just assume you have no more than 2 days before THE END. What would you do? How would you spend those days and especially: who would you spend them with? Is there something you wouldn't want to miss out on or are you okay with the life you have been living so far? Have you lived your life to the fullest or do you have the feeling your life hasn't started yet?

Why not live every day as it is our last one on this planet? We never know what lays ahead of us. There's not much we can do to alter the future. But we can decide what we will do today. Love the people around you and make sure they feel your love. Surround yourself with positivism and enjoy every moment we have on Earth. Life can be short. Embrace life and be thankful for what you have. Don't take life for granted..

7 days in a week

Cracking my mind over the perfect Christmas gift for a 13 year old cousin, I was thinking about my own childhood and how things have changed over the years. Kids no longer play Twister on the floor in the kitchen or stick their tongue between their teeth while making their best drawing ever in their Moleskine sketchbook. Contemporary children look at you in a very strange way if you give them a CD or knitted gloves for those cold winter days. Times have changed and so have the presents. It's not real easy to make a child happy if you don't want to buy them the 34th playstation game or give them an envelope with paper money (I hate money envelopes - nothing personal about giving money). But then what do you give them?

Do you remember the panties, printed with the days of the week? There were 7 of them..  (this child probably lost one.. what a tragic moment). Each one had a different color and image and of course every single one said what day of the week you had to wear it. I loved those panties! They were awesome! I remember my set of Holly Hobby underwear and how difficult the day started if I couldn't find the matching pair of knickers. You just couldn't wear your Thursday panties on a Monday! That was simply not done. The knickers would come in a plastic see through package, with a snap button in the middle. You could see all knickers were sitting next to each other, showing the days in the exact order. I'm pretty sure my sister had a similar package of knickers, probably with other images. I don't recall this kind of underwear existed for boys? I could be wrong though..

Anyway, back to the subject.. I still haven't found the perfect present for the 13 yo old, let stand the 12 yo boy. I know they would rather have money, but hey, I'm not giving in! I will find that one present they have been longing for (without being aware of that craving). Maybe I need to do some shopping tomorrow. I don't mind you helping out though..

It's so not me

Why are so many people so in to Christmas? I can't wait for the holiday season to be over. I really don't like December. It's a dark and cold month and there is too much fake activity going on. People are too friendly to each other this time of the year. More friendly than they would be in March or September. Why? Because it is expected of them? Because they want to belong to a group of other Christmas lovers? I don't know.. I guess I don't get it.

First there is the inevitable Christmas tree.. You just have to have a Christmas tree. Preferably the real thing. The kind that has needles that poke you, that get stuck in the carpet. Okay, real trees bring a nice smell to the house, that's correct, but that scent doesn't last long. Yes, fake trees can be real ugly, but there are real nice ones too. We have had too many pines in the house, that ended up in the backyard. Hubby would dig a hole in the backyard to put in the tree, once January appeared on the calendar (thank you!). The idea was, to use that same tree year after year (which we obviously never did..). Hubby wasn't very happy when he heard I mulched his Christmas trees, one by one (and yes, I truly enjoyed that! - evil me). So for a couple of years now, we have a real, fake tree!

Let's talk Christmas decoration. Where did we put it? What did the tree look like last year? Can we decorate it in the same way or should we get brandnew decoration? I prefer the last (just because I like to shop and maybe because I'm too lazy to go find the Christmas decoration box). Black, ivory white. Some shiny, some with a matte finish. I like it. Even though I'm not a Christmas junkie, I like the decoration we bought..

Christmas lights. AAAaaargghhhh! Exactly! The pain of every household! Have you ever tried to unravel wound up Christmas lights? You can't! Period! No matter how well you store it, they always seem to get tangled in the box, waiting for you to open the lid and laugh at you! So we bought new lights last year. Led-lights, of course. They don't get tangled. I don't know why. And I don't expect any explanation or reason.

Presents. Of course I like presents! Hello??? Are you out of your mind? Why would I NOT like presents? Give me one good reason? Picking out the right presents, is difficult. It's a challenge too. I always run out of time and inspiration. I would love a basket full of small presents in front of the tree, but it's never the case. We shake the presents, listen to the sound they make, in a desperate attempt to find out what's hiding inside. I check our bank account, to see what shops have been visited. I blackmail the girls, to find out more. But mostly, Hubby spills the beans and before he knows, he blurs out what he got me..

I admit.. The Christmas tree looks wonderful this year. It looked wonderful last year. And the year before. It's not my merit. I didn't do anything but buy the decoration. So the credit is all the children's. Merry Christmas to all of you. Don't expect any Christmas cards, because I won't send any. I don't like Christmas, remember? Unless you send me a card first...

Photo Lana Joos

Happy as a clam

I don't know how it happened, but I was surfing on the Internet and ran into this awesome food blog. I couldn't focus on anything else. This was the best food blog ever! The chef calls herself Pioneer Woman and refers to her husband as The Marlboro Man (although he doesn't smoke but has a rough edge to him). They raise 4 little punks at their home in the American country. I just had to open each one of her recipes and couldn't do anything else but pause and make some of her recipes. I know what will keep me going in the next couple of days.

A dish full of pots de crème are setting in the fridge. They will look at me tomorrow morning and beg for some whipped cream to finish them off. I know I won't have any myself (okay, that one heaping spoonful is just not a portion so it's to be neglected) but there are enough volunteers around here who will happily dig in.

As I am making my own food blog, I am more than happy to try out some of Ree Drummond's recipes and share them with you.

There is something about the way Ree describes her recipes. It's like you are in the same kitchen, sitting at her counter and hearing her out. Her descriptions are so, so, well.. I can't find the right word for it. Just try and read some of her recipes and you will understand what I mean. She sure made my eyes sparkle, my heart pound faster and my fingers itch to race to that kitchen (in reality: shove that notebook from my lap, push myself up from the couch while dropping the blanket on the floor and stumble towards the kitchen that is so not cleaned up)..

Ree Drummond: you rock! I'm happy to have found you. Sorry Nigella... I have to let go of you.. My first copy of a Pioneer Woman cook book is being shipped to Belgium right at this instance.

Kiss me goodbye

This morning, around 5:20 AM, our car was packed with suitcases and bags. Three beautiful young ladies were sitting in the backseat, very quiet and somehow sad. Hubby and I were in front, trying to hold back the tears. I turned off the radio, for the music didn't seem to be appropriate. Only 15 more minutes, before we had to say goodbye to our new member of the family.. Ilaria is going home. She has been living with our family for 3 months, as an exchange student. Coming from Bari, the Southern part of Italy, Ilaria had a hard time coping with our cold season and chilly evenings. Going to school in a very different setting, she couldn't understand why she couldn't use her cell phone during school hours or chew gum in the class. The rules were pretty stupid, in her opinion. Back then, she could've decided to go home and rejoin her own class and continue her life. But she didn't.. She hung in and talked to us about her concerns and questions. We are glad she persevered.

The taxi was waiting for us at the school gate. Gianmario, the Italian friend who came to Belgium with Ilaria, was standing on the curb, tears in his eyes. Even this young man had mixed feelings about going home. After all, having spent 3 months in a Belgian home is an experience. On one hand you want to go home and see your family and friends. On the other hand, you have to leave your new family and friends behind, not knowing if you will ever see them again.. The taxi driver was emotional too, I could tell. But then again, he was not just a taxi driver. This young man had become very friendly with these Italian youngsters. He even came to visit Ila for a last time yesterday afternoon..

Yesterday was a very strange day. So many things we wanted to say, so many stories left to share. We knew this relation would not just stop here. There is Skype and Italy is not the end of the world. I'm sure the girls wouldn't mind visiting her and her loved ones. We have a lot of memories, many thoughts to make our faces smile. I'm sure we will all have to get used to being by ourselves again. That one bedroom looks so empty now and there is no fifth chair at the kitchen table. Tonight around 9:30 PM, nobody will come down the stairs and ask: Can I take a "douchan"?

We will miss you, Ilaria Landriscina.. You are a wonderful girl and we enjoyed your company. You will make more rides with Daddy Cars in the future and your Belgian sisters are looking forward to going out with you in Bari. I'm not to sure about the piercing you promised Eva though... Hahaha... we'll see. Rebba, Inthe and Arthurio are looking for you and they can't find you. Inthe was on the sofa wearing your "muts". I think I will listen to Gente di Mare and dream of a visit to your beautiful home..

A little bit confused

It's almost December 6, the day of Saint-Nicholas. Although the girls no longer believe in the existence of the holy man, they still like to be surprised. This year, the celebration of Saint-Nicholas is a little different from other years. We have an Italian student among us. It's almost time for her to go back to Bari, Italy. But not before she has enjoyed the feast of Saint-Nicholas and his Black Peters. She was really curious about our habits. I told her my childhood memories. I remember how frightened we were, when we heard someone pound on the front door. Sitting in our pajamas and listening to Saint-Nicholas songs, the old man would come to our house, carrying his big book full of comments on us children. We were digging through our memories, to persuade ourselves that we had been good kids. The Black Peters were always funny but nevertheless they scared us. Our hearts were pounding in our bodies and our eyes were like saucers that big. The Saint-Nicholas album had probably come to an end, because our father would turn it over to play the other side. I was startled by the voice of the holy man and his sincere way of speaking. The Black Peters opened their bag of toys and handed out whatever we had written on our letter.. wow.. those were magic moments. Our student was all ears and thought it was a great story. They don't celebrate this feast in Bari. I think she would like to have it too...

Since Ilaria is leaving next week, we had an early Saint-Nicholas party and on the same day, she and the girls decorated the Christmas tree. I took her shopping and she got to pick out the new decoration. And she did well, because the tree looks fab! It's a bit too soon for presents, since Santa Claus has to wait for his friend to leave the country, but there will be plenty of surprises.

Enjoy the holiday season. We will do the same..

Happy as a hound

little Romeo

Inthe and Valerie, 3 years old

We were invited to go for a whippet walk in Antwerp, to celebrate the birthday of Inthe and her sister Valerie. Of course there cannot be a party without friends. And friends there were! Like 14 of them! We had a ball and so did the dogs. It's always great to meet with other whippet lovers. The dogs always get along well. They can run their lungs out and fool around with their friends. They know someone will throw a ball they can chase. Our dogs were real happy to have so many friends to play with. There was the galgo Lola and the whippet puppy Romeo, there was the blue Stephanie and the sweetheart Robijn. Little Vief and Dee, who loves to stare at people until they feed him. The sun was out and even though it was freezing cold in the afternoon, we walked for 5 hours (okay, we sat down for 1 hour to have lunch in between). I fell in love with little Romeo.. he's only 3 months old and he's such a cutie. His owner was already looking into a playmate for Romeo. I'm pretty sure little Julio will come live with them within a week or two. Because that's what whippets do: they have this talent to make you love them. I know I wouldn't want any other breed of dog. Whippets rule!

Today was supposed to be a diabetesfree day. I say "supposed", because that 43 and 299 really spoiled the fun for a while, but there were no other diabetic friends to discuss this with. I corrected the numbers and I kept going. I hear walking makes you energetic. I'm exhausted and worn out, but yes, I did enjoy the day...  

On the other hand...

On my way home from the hospital, I had some time to think things over. I was angry and upset but I was also amazed about the information the doctor had given me. To be honest, it was not the first time I had heard this advice. Then why did it come as such a surprise to me? Maybe I didn't want to hear the truth. Maybe I wasn't ready to alter my life and let go of the diabetes. But I did realize something had to happen in order to get rid of that never ending fatigue.

I was still upset when I got home. My family had cooked dinner but I couldn't eat. The ribbons of fresh pasta got stuck in my throat and the tears were stinging behind my eye lids. I wanted to talk to my D friends and I needed their support. They know what it's like, if you have a chronic disease that consumes a lot of your time. Or don't they?

It felt good to read their comments and feel their virtual hugs and reassuring words. Some had the nerve to tell me more or less the same Dr Feelgood had told me. He was not the only one who thought it was over the top. So maybe it was time for me to reevaluate my life. Hubby had suggested the idea a while ago, but I didn't want to listen. After all, he doesn't have a chronic disease, so how would he know what it feels like? I must admit, I locked him out. Although he is very supportive of what I do, he also feels that D is wearing me out. No, he knows I am wearing me out.. I needed a hug. I needed a comforting arm and no words. I needed someone to help me lick my wounds.

It's time to get up and make some agreements. I have to reconsider my life and let go of some activities. Maybe I gave up the wrong hobbies, like this blog. I thought it would help me get more family time and more quality of life. I did miss writing here though. Maybe I should.. maybe I should.. let go..

An eye opener

It took me some time to figure it out...

I had an appointment with Dr Feelgood, the endocrinologist I have been frequenting for the past 2 years. He's Dutch. Not that special, one would say. But it also means that he is articulate and straight forward and pretty frank. I wanted to talk to him about the never ending fatigue. I'm so exhausted. Going to bed earlier and sleeping in late feels good at times, but it doesn't solve the problem. In the end I'm still exhausted.

A wanna be endocrinologist received me in her office. She was going to interrogate me and then she would inform the real doctor. I was not happy at all with this announcement. I didn't want to tell her my story for she doesn't know me nor my background. Which she contradicted, looking through my medical file. I was getting a little wrought up, because I don't want any trainees going through my files. She asked me questions about previous visits. Questions I didn't want to answer because I thought they were not intended for her ears. Anyway, I told her about my fatigue and she ignored it, pointing out my latest HbA1C was a good 7.3%. A bit higher than the previous 7, but I had been expecting it. I was still happy with that outcome and so was she. She asked if I needed any prescription drugs. I answered that I wanted to talk to my doctor...

They discussed the consultation in the hallway. I could hear them murmur before the door swung open and both of them entered the musty cabinet. He shook my hand and said straight away: I see you are doing well. Your numbers are okay. I agreed that my A1c was good. I also told him it could be better and I would work on it. He didn't like my perfectionism. To me, it's a way to stay on track, to not let things get out of hand. After all, diabetes is there 24/7. You can't just turn off the knob and hope your numbers will still be okay.

I told him about the fatigue. Again. Because on two previous occasions I told him the same thing and I had the impression he hadn't heard me. This time he heard me allright, because I was pretty stern about the subject. That's when the frank answer hit me in the face. It's my own perfectionism that is striking back. I'm the victim of my own drive. Diabetes is too much alive in my life. Pretty ironic huh? I felt attacked. I felt numb and alone and sad and misunderstood. But he kept going. He asked me about my daily life. He wanted to know how much the diabetes was present in my activities. Okay, I admit, it's there, all the time. Many of my friends are diabetics. I frequent diabetes meetings and diabetes pubs and I visit my fellow diabetics when they are not feeling well. I motivate others on www.diabetesforum.be and many people have a number to call when they have questions. I do presentations on my life with D and I try to keep control over my own medical situation. Exactly, he replied... You are not physically exhausted. Your mind needs to be cleared and refilled with non-diabetic subjects. It's just been too much. Get a grip on yourself and move forward. Don't let the diabetes take over. It's your life with D, it's not Diabetes and you...

I didn't die right there on the spot. I waited for the safety of my car. Could care less if someone else saw my tears. I felt so torn apart. Nobody can take away my life. It's what I like to do. It's what gives me energy. It is my life.

To be continued.. 

The excitable greeting syndrome

Whippets are not that common in our neighborhood. People give us a strange look when we walk our dogs, as if they want to say: what the heck? They probably think we don't feed them - although they are not even that slim. When we tell they are whippets, many reply: oh? Are that the Spanish dogs, that have been abused? nope... those are the Galgo breed..

If we would have to describe the breed, I think most whippet lovers would agree:

• elegant
• athletic
• fast as lightening
• thieves (they steal the meat out of the pan on the stove in an instant)
• loving
• great huggers
• caring
• best friends
• love to live together with other whippets
• racists (they love all sighthounds, but they despise other breeds, sorry)
• supersweet

Playing hide and seek is a fun game. It's worth many pictures when you think of it. Rebba loves to play hide and seek. She finds the best spot on the couch, covers her eyes with her front legs or hides her head underneath a pillow and thinks she's pretty much invisible. What a doll!

Whippets all suffer from the excitable greeting syndrome. Whether you went to the bathroom for 5 minutes or you left the house for 4 hours, they are extremely excited to see you return. They lick your face, hug you, climb your back and wash your ears. The happy look in their eyes is priceless.. You can't but love them.. And that's what we do..

Wanna go for a ride?

There is this company in Eeklo, a town nearby our hometown. A young man is exploiting this place with all his heart. Making sure business goes well, he has 14 buses driving around the country, taking people to wherever they want to go. I heard so many good things about Robby Cars, that I checked out their website. To my surprise, they don't only have regular buses, but they also have a unique Oldtimer bus! To be exact, it's an original Fiat by Hool - built in 1967. It seats 28 people and it's the perfect transportation for weddings and other festivities. If you think buses drive too fast for you, why not try the authentic horse tram? Beautiful Häflinger horses pull the tram. What a wonderful idea for family gatherings. There are plenty of occasions to call Robby Cars and arrange a wonderful day out with your loved ones. Make sure to plan ahead if you want to be a guest on the horse tram or have your wedding on the oldtimer bus. Robby will be more than willing to answer all of your questions and give you a day to remember. Oh, and if you are looking for airport transportation? Give Robby a call... he won't drive you by horse tram or oldtimer bus, but you will get great service for a reasonable price. 

Could it be the weather?

So many of my diabetic friends tell me that their blood glucose is way out of control. Could it be that time of the year? Falling of the leaves, the Indian summer that is getting wiped out by autumn? I don't know, but every year the same story is being told. Doctors would probably declare us plain stupid, but then again, they don't have D. They don't have to deal with it every freaking day. I'm so sick of it for the moment. It's grabbing me by the throat and I can't find the energy to fight back. I know it would be better to take a closer look at my basal pattern and see if something needs to change. Yesterday I finally managed to open the software that comes with my insulin pump. The numbers the program spitted out, didn't make me real happy though. Lowest BG 44 - highest 442. Great.. Just what I had expected it to be. Bye bye better A1c. I'm going up again and I can't do much about it. Maybe I have to accept that life can't always be a party... So for everyone out here, who's struggling with D: screw the disease! Let us get better and take over control. 

Suzy Q

Sometimes you get to know someone who gives you the feeling you've been friends for all times. A mutual friend got us introduced and instantly, we started talking. Too many hobbies we share and we understand each other just like that. Although she's Canadian, she lives in Holland, married to a man who's half Dutch. Apparently, he grew up in the neighborhood I'm living in. Did I say that there are no coincidences?

We started mailing that very same day. We share the same love for baking and cooking. Just the other day, I was completing my online cookbook with a recipe for apple crostata. I got a Facebook update from Suzy Q, and guess what it said? "I'm baking an apple crostini".. I was like: what? that sounds like my apple crostata. I wonder what an apple crostini is.. To my surprise, Suzy Q had mixed up the words and she was actually making an apple crostata, not crostini.. I had never made this recipe before and neither had she. Then how come we were both making the same thing at the same time? There's a connection somehow..

She's a very brave woman. Having survived a previous marriage and breast cancer, she hangs in and doesn't give up. I love her attitude towards life. Too bad she lives in Holland. I bet we would visit a lot and cook together if we had the means. But for now, I enjoy her scribbles on Facebook and the recipes she shares. You are a wonderful woman, Suzy Q! I'm sending you some good vibes.

The never ending fatigue

I'm at the end of my rope.. really.. I'm so damn tired that my eyes sting and I want to do nothing else but sleep. I shouldn't be tired after a night rest of 8 hours, but I am. I don't wake up to go to the bathroom at night, so that can't be the problem. During the day, I would really love to take a nap. Sometimes my eye lids are so heavy, I want to lay down my head and sleep. But I don't give in. No naps during the day, unless my BG are so out of range that there is no other option. The thing is, being that tired is not very helpful in getting things done. I don't seem to get anywhere. There's so much work around the house and I can do so little. I work no more than 10 hours a week but nevertheless, our house needs to be cleaned and I'm not getting there. I feel so much pressure, so many chores that await me, that I'm losing it. I'm having a hard time focusing and I no longer feel like a woman (aren't women supposed to be able to do a zillion things at the same time? well, I can't...). My muscles and joints hurt. My back aches and my knee tells me to slow down. The shoulders could do with a massage and my neck screams for a therma care blanket. If only my blood glucose would work with me instead of against me. That would be helpful too... 

Reach out

Depression     Guns     Imperfection     Suicide     Self-mutilation    Anorexia    Perfection     Destruction

I try to reach out. If only you could grab my hand and touch. The negative spiral you have landed in, is dragging you down. Don't let it happen. Please reach for the light and climb up. The sun is out there. I know you have people supporting you in staying down there, in the dark. Let us in to your world so we can learn about it. I can teach you about a different world, where words as

Happiness    Luck     Love   Contentment     Friendship     Family     Values     Sun     Positivity    

take control... Did you know there is a scale of negative and positive thoughts? Why not choose the other side? When did things go so wrong, that you chose to step on the scale of negativity? How can we help you? Can you see that things are not going well? We love you so much, that it's devastating to see you drift into a world so destructive. My heart is crying and hurting so bad for we cannot find a way to reach out to you. Please help us in helping you get better..

Curfews

I had a curfew as a teen. It was midnight sharp. I had a curfew when I was in the US, working as an au pair. The curfew said, I had to write down on a piece of paper where I was and what time I expected to be home. I could leave the note in my room on my desk, just in case my host family needed to contact me for some reason.

I'm married now. I no longer have to stick to a curfew. I know me.. when I'm having a good time, I don't pay attention to the clock. I forget to contact my family to let them know when I'll be home. I'm getting better though. I try to stick more to the hour I had in mind.

Our girls have curfews when they go out. They have different curfews, since they are not the same age. We have a third daughter for 3 months. She loves to go out. Setting a curfew for her is not easy. In Italy, she's used to going out every night. Over here, things are a little different. There's not much to do around here. You need to drive a while to find a good place to dance and have a good time. Kids don't go out at 8:00 PM. They don't leave the house before 11:00 PM or midnight. Then it's hard to tell them to be home by 1:00 AM, isn't it? We need to find a way for our exchange student to be able to go out and have a good time, without leaving us worrying about her safety. We don't want her to get into a car of someone who's been drinking. After all, she's like a daughter to us and we are responsible for her. Don't want to imagine what could happen to her while being out... Just be careful, okay?

What will tomorrow bring?

In life, you never know what the next day will bring you. Enjoying the time we have and making the most of every day, is all we can do. We should live our life to the fullest, so we don't regret things we missed out on.

Today is your birthday. You have experienced a situation that made you realize how important it is to enjoy every moment we have on this planet. It has made you even stronger than you already were. I admire you for your strength, your positive attitude, your courage. Although you are tiny and fragile, you are stronger than many others. You never gave up, you kept going and you kept believing in a good outcome. I'm proud to call you my sister-in-law. Have a very happy birthday!

Sweet encounters

I never hesitate to answer these phone calls. When I hear that special ringtone, it cheers me up instantly. She's a great motivator and a wonderful listener. We meet up every now and then, to have a chit chat over lunch. We always talk about diabetes. She teaches me new things and I ask her for advice, tips and tricks. We talk about life and issues, worries and joy. You know, the usual stuff women talk about when they meet up (sorry guys, it's just different with girls, although some men are really good at having these conversations too). She's an expert in her field and I love to talk with her. She's been such a good friend to me and she has this way of cheering me up when things are not going that smoothly. We sure laugh a lot and I always feel relieved after one of our dates. We shouldn't wait that long for the next encounter...

Dog-Shaming.com

Inthe

There's a really great group on Facebook, called Dog-Shaming. It's a group where dog owners can post pictures of their dogs misbehaving. It's hilarious at times - although we would probably not laugh if it were our dogs... I think I could post some pictures of our dogs as well.. They have ruined the couch, eaten my glasses and laptop charger, one stole my grilled tuna steak off the stove, and guess what? They look soooo innocent when you see them. But when you come home after they have been into trouble, they know! They try to hide and give me their best look ever, but immediately I smell their mischief. The problem is that you can never catch them by surprise. They behave when you are around, but if they are all by themselves? ttsss....

Today I would like to post a picture of our Rebba, for keeping us awake at night with her barking sessions. There are no medical problems and having sleepovers at other people's houses give no problems: in fact, they are like angels in someone else's house?! We could do with some rest at night.

Rebba

So this is the Shame Board for Inthe: I dug a hole in the couch, so I can rest my head when I want to take a nap.

The Shame hat for Rebba to wear: I love to call my peeps in the middle of the night. I make sure they pity me. It's great to see them downstairs whenever I bark.

Yo no hablo espanol

In the old days, when I was still a teenager, I took Spanish classes for a while. Not that I remember much of it, but I do remember I liked the sound of the language. "Donde esta el mercado" is one of the lines I recall. Of course there are some words we all know. Think of "cerveza" or "agua". But I don't drink beer so there's not much use in knowing that word, is there?

Madrid was wonderful. People were right when they warned us that most Spanish people don't speak other languages. It's damn hard to make yourself understood if you don't speak Spanish. You can try to explain in English or French but that doesn't help one bit. Saying: Hablo un poquito de espanol, does not encourage the other to speak slower or use simple sentences. I hate it when I can't express myself in the language of the country we're visiting. But hey! We survived, didn't we? I got myself a pair of new boots and we managed to get food in our bodies, so our Spanish isn't that bad after all.

For three days, we had the chance to discover this vibrant city. Full of tourists, it's hard to find the locals. But they are there! They just don't look like the stereotype Spanish person I had in mind. How could I be so stupid to think that all Spanish people are short, have black hair and dark eyes? Because they don't. I saw tall blonde girls, that didn't look Spanish at all, but by the sound of their fluently spoken Spanish, they must have been natives.

I'm no fan of the Spanish cuisine though. Can't understand why so many are fond of tapas. They don't look appealing to me at all. We were happy to have found a fine Italian ristorante, behind the wonderful Opera building. I will try to make my own Spanish tortilla though..

Mucha Marcha in Madrid

A city full of life and entertainment. Who wouldn't want to go? Exactly.. Our bags are packed and our hands are holding the tickets . I'm really looking forward to this city trip. Although hubby has to work on Monday, we will have two days to spend together in this vibrant city. While the rest of the family is staying at home, we will be enjoying the weather (27°C!), the scenery and the company. I packed comfortable shoes for I heard there's a lot of walking to be done. It's kinda weird to put skirts, tank tops and shorts in that suitcase, since fall in Belgium is in full swing. It will do us good though, to feel the sunbeams on our faces and have some quiet time. Our girls have their own plans for the weekend and the dogs will spend their vacation with their canine friends in Holland.

Hasta la vista!

In the blink of an eye

You were ecstatic when you told us, your boyfriend had a puppy. It was something nobody had expected, since he didn't really have a heart for dogs. He was even a bit afraid of canine pets. He got to meet our two whippets and along the line, he fell in love with the dogs and he started to long for a dog of his own. You were so proud when he told you they had got a puppy! His siblings gave him the name Bruno (after they decided Snow White was not an appropriate name for a black dog...) and they did real well at teaching him tricks.

Since your boyfriend went to University, you didn't have much chance to visit him or see little Bruno. This week you told me that you missed both and you wanted to go over to his house for a visit. We planned for you to go this weekend. You really looked forward to seeing them!

Your boyfriend texted you late that evening. It was a horrible text message. Little Bruno had died.. He was run over by a car.. You were devestated and in tears. Oooh sweetie... I could feel your pain. I even felt hurt and I had not even met little Bruno. We couldn't do much more than hold you and comfort you. It won't take the pain away, I know. I wish it were different. One day we were talking about Bruno and then, in the blink of an eye..

Is it contagious?

I didn't sleep well last night. Talking to several people about your peeing problem, I got more and more convinced that you had diabetes. You drink a lot and you have to go pee way too many times, day and night. As soon as your bowl of food is empty, you give me that look as if you haven't had anything to eat. The alarm bell started to ring. What if she had.. ??? The symptoms sounded too familiar. She didn't loose any weight though (well, 300 grams since last time, but that's because both whippets are on a diet). I felt real sorry for her.

This morning I drove the 40 min ride to the animal clinic in Holland. The vets were going to take a closer look at you and have your bloodwork checked. Inthe came along for moral support.. The vet said you looked fab and you appeared to be in great condition. Nevertheless, he said the peeing issue needed to be solved, no discussion about that. He shaved a part of your front leg while his assistant was comforting you. You were very brave and quiet and Inthe was so interested in seeing what the vet was doing that she looked as if frozen.

Now we need to wait.. The results won't come in until tomorrow. If the blood results are negative, you will have to do another exam: a urine test. If that comes out negative as well, the problem will be psychological he assumes. Eeeuuuggghhhh... meaning??? Indeed, if the problem is psychological, Rebba will need to see a behavioral therapist. The vet believes Rebba is faking her problem. That it's a way of seeking attention. Is she a rebellious teenager now? I can't believe I'm hearing this..

Just you and me

We need those special mother and daughter moments. They are valuable and they are moments to cherish. Both of you were asked to look for an activity we could do together. I had overheard you talk about getting a massage numerous times. So it wasn't too hard to plan that activity. You've had some strenuous days and your muscles deserved some rest. Two staff members treated us at the same time in the beauty salon. It felt great to spend some special time with you and our bodies are all smooth and relaxed now. We can only benefit from it. Thank you for being you. You are the best you can be.

Love,

your mom

I don't like Mondays

Don't we all remember the song by the Boomtown Rats? The story behind the lyrics was pretty scary and the message was clear.
Let's say I do like Mondays, I really do. The kids go back to school, hubby goes to work. There's just me, the pets and groceries to run. I like to sit on the couch in the morning, my Latte Macchiato just the right temperature and the perfect colored layers. I make my grocery list, thinking about the menu for the upcoming week. No time to hop in that shower yet because I need to do this in pajamas. That's just part of the fun. The radio is playing its music in the background and besides the ticking of the glass rocks in the fishtank, there's no other sound than the tapping on the keyboard of my laptop. Arthur is having a sun bath in the window sill and the dogs are cuddling up in their beds. I love the beginning of the month. It's always a fresh start financially, meaning I can be a little less creative than in the previous week. I have several stores to visit today. Finally need to buy that heater for Eva's room, need to fill up that freezer with meat and consorts, have to run to the post office to get that paperwork where it needs to go. Would like to walk the dogs this afternoon, since the sun is really wonderful and they need their space to run. I'm sure I will enjoy this day. Can't wait to put away the groceries and start to cook...