Take your suitcase and leave

Every time I didn't agree about something, you told me to pack my suitcase and leave. I have heard that sentence over and over, until that one particular day I had enough. So I told you I would pack my suitcase and leave. You replied: if you leave, you may never come back! And I gave up: if you say so..

So I went to my room and opened my dresser to see what I would take. I had no idea. What do you need when you leave the house that suddenly? I packed some pants and undies and a couple of shirts. I had no money, I had no place to go to, I had no job. But I left.. I had heard the suitcase sentence once too often.

Only two years later, when I was nearly 8 months pregnant, I went home again. Just to visit, because I had made my own life by then. You pretended nothing had happened and you didn't want to discuss the past. But you didn't make me feel at home. I didn't feel welcome. You never even asked about the two years you missed. You had no idea, but it didn't bother you at all.

The first time my husband told me to pack my bags and go, after we were in the midst of a firy discussion, I lost it. It all came back to me and I never wanted to hear that phrase again, and certainly not from my husband. He didn't have a clue. He knows better now. Nowadays, I only pack my suitcases to go on a holiday. And that's the only reason one should pack a suitcase..

Sweet dreams

are made of this.. The first album I ever bought. The Eurythmics. It came with a poster of Annie Lennox. I thought she looked pretty good. And of course I loved her music. I knew all the songs by heart. Well, at least I thought I did. In those days, there was no Google to look up the lyrics, so we made our own version. English is not my maternal language, so many words were invented by me. But I loved to sing along.

Whenever I hear Sweet dreams on the radio, I'm taken back in time. It's a good memory and I cherish it.

Big me

I'm big. BIG! Not tall. Just big. Too big for my height. I've been too big for nearly 7 years now. I don't like mirrors, I don't like fitting rooms in malls, I don't like the XL label on clothes. I want to be slimmer. I want to lose weight.

I make healthy food choices most of the time. I have a fresh smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch and a warm meal in the evening (or the other way around, depending on who is home around lunch time). I hardly eat meat, I don't eat bread anymore, I skip on dessert.

Okay, I don't work out, because it frustrates me big time. Been there, done that, but it just doesn't work for me. I hate to exercise! I really do! If I'm forced to work out, you don't want to be around me. Because I'll snap at you and I will not be the nicest person to be around. I sweat and I get upset and sore. And sports leads to binge sessions and if there is something I want to avoid, it's the binge session.

My diabetes makes it more difficult to lose weight. Insulin is a hormone after all. I never had problems with my weight before and I always liked the way my body was shaped. My weight gain is one of the things I don't like about diabetes..

Does that mean that I will remain BIG for the rest of my life?

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away

We haven't been very lucky with our computers. They always seem to fail on us. Our first computer has been repaired so many times, the shop has had it longer than we have had the chance to work on it. Same for the notebook. You think a more expensive notebook will do a better job, but again, troubles from the very beginning.

Life wouldn't be the same without computers. How did we even manage without? I remember visiting my American host family about 7 years ago. The boys were amazed that we didn't have a home computer. How could we live without the Internet???? I had no idea what he was talking about. We had no computer and no way we were going to get one. Just imagine, that huge ugly thing in the den. Yikes!

But then I took computer classes and it will not surprise you that very soon our first computer entered our home. And it wasn't hubby or the kids that asked for it. I was hooked from day one!

It's an addiction, I admit it. Once you are used to having a computer around, you need it to google, to check your bank account, to visit websites, to make holiday reservations, to chat with your friends..

Last week, the notebook crashed.. again. It says the video card needs to be replaced. But I'm pretty sure the cooler needs replacement as well. The poor portable gets overheated while sitting in our lap. It's gone back to the shop.. again. So we're back to the desk top, that's not used to us working on it any more. It also needs a new video card. I hope it will keep doing what it's supposed to do, until our new notebook arrives.

My friends keep telling me I should buy an Apple. No troubles with Apple! Sounds like a good deal to me! So an Apple it will be. A white one, to be exact. And I'm so looking forward to it! Let's keep our fingers crossed, that this one will perform as promised!

Smoking in the boy's room

I love the smell of cigars. Or no, not the smell of cigars, but I love it when somebody lights a cigar. Some restaurants offer cigars to their customers. They cut the cap for you and light it before they pass it on. It's intriguing to watch this ceremony. I can see why men like cigars. It's fascinating to see them inhale and blow circles of smoke in the air.

But there it stops. That's the point where I don't like it anymore.

Some restaurants have a boy's room section where they can smoke their cigars and drink port. I think that is a great idea. I don't like it when people smoke in the house or at the dining table. I don't like the smell of cigars on someones hands. I don't like the smell it leaves in your house the day after.

But hubby and some of our friends smoke. So maybe, we should get a boy's room. Because I do think it is rather charming.

Curious George

It is kind of funny to realise, that people who do not wish to participate in your life, read about that life on a daily basis. Pretty interesting. Maybe they don't have much else to look forward to, than reading about the life of another person? Or maybe they miss out on so many things, they want to enjoy someone elses life? I don't know what it is, but it startled me. And it made me smile. Because after all, I must be worth reading if they take their time to visit my blog at least 6 times a day.. Go fish!

The eye of the tiger

The other day, I told you about my first summer holiday in an amusement park. That was a real hard summer job. But I didn't stay unnoticed. I spent quite some after work time with the animals and the zoo keeper noticed me around. He asked if I liked animals and I couldn't do much else but agree. Animals fascinate me. They always have. I told him I was looking for another job in the park. I wanted to work with the animals. He liked me. He said he wanted to give it a shot. But he warned me that mopping the floor was not harder than taking care of the animals.

So I started my second summer job and I became a tiger tamer. My boss showed me how to bottle feed the baby tiger cubs. They were only a couple of days old and they were the cutest! I was so thrilled to get this job. I promised my boss I would do the best I could and I would love and cherish those cubs. Like a baby, the cubs had to be fed every three hours. I had a lot of work feeding all those open mouths. They got to know me pretty soon and I gave them names. I asked my superior if I could buy them pacifiers and he thought that was kind of silly, but he let me. So while I was feeding 2 cubs, the others were comforted sucking their pacifiers.

I taught them to lay down, sit up and follow me around. The public loved it! They came to see the cubs and I was very proud of my crew. After 6 months, the cubs were sold. I shed many tears, but I knew in advance this was going to happen. For 4 years in a row, I was a tiger tamer. It was the most exciting and loving job I have ever done.

I'm proud to be a Leo

Leos are known to be generous, loyal, encouraging and ambitious. But they can also be pretentious, domineering, melodramatic, vain and stubborn.

I am a very independent person but I need to control something or someone and I need someone to admire and appreciate me. I'm a much happier person when I have an audience or a following of people to look up to me. I prefer not to be alone. I love to be around people.

Leos have a zest for life and a warm spirit and people are attracted to those characteristics. People like to surround this social butterfly and Leos are very hard not to like. My friends are pampered by me and treated well.

I despise dull and regular routines. If so, I will create my own drama and excitement. I enjoy basking in the spotlight. My energy acts like a magnet to other people and I love to nurture my friends by entertaining them.

I'm very generous and openhearted. At the end of each day, I like to reflect and see what I have achieved that day. I like a luxurious way of life. Don't make me go camping.. that's just not me..

My goal in life is, to make this world a better place. I'm proud to be a Leo. Can't imagine being another Zodiac Sign. It wouldn't be me.

It's gonna be one of those days

Yesterday I felt sick to my stomach. Whenever something really upsets me, I get a terrible headache and that always leads to sickness to my stomach. I hate it when that happens. But it's also a good indicator that something is not right.

So decisions needed to be made and I made mine. It's been enough. I'm not a puppet and I do not wish to be treated as one. You can be good, you can do the best you can, but if that's not sufficient, it's time to move on. And that's exactly what I did. Respect comes both ways. One way directions never last long. One can understand certain circumstances, but it doesn't give one the right to treat you like crap. Especially not if you do the best you can and even more.

It will need some time to heal, because when you give yourself 100%, you feel empty when you have to let go. It was a very emotional road to walk on and it will be even harder to let go. But it's the best decision. After all, I have a family of my own and those are the people who deserve my love and attention..

Brussels by night

I don't see you very often and it's been a while since you came over here, but we do keep in touch. Once in a while, we make long phone calls or I stop by when I'm in the neighborhood. Whenever I plan to come over, you make sure that I can also meet your grandchildren and they have become pretty young ladies. One of them is even expecting her second baby!

All your life and time, you have dedicated to your children and more in particular your two granddaughters. You go to the gym, you take classes in languages and computer class. You look after your granddaughter's first child and so will you when the second baby will be there in July. You are a very modern nana! It's great to see you play with the toddler. You are also fond of our two daughters and they like to visit you.

We often discuss our diabetes and you even share your glucose strips whenever I run out.

I remember the time I was living all by myself and working 3 jobs. One job was a teaching job and I was not going to get paid until several months later. You helped me out, paying the rent of my teeny tiny apartment, until I was back on track and finally got the paycheck I had worked for. You never abandoned me.

I guess we have similar characters. We like to laugh and enjoy life. Life is too short to sob about things that aren't worth it.. I think you will agree whenever you read this.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I'm looking for low carb food. I love bread, but it has so many carbohydrates, that it makes my sugar spike and the need for insulin grows by the slice of bread I eat. So I gave up on bread.

In the US, there is such a large choice of low carb products. People over there know what low carb means. In Belgium, not many people know what carbohydrates mean to a diabetic. To me, eating low carb means better control, more energy, less tiredness. 

I keep looking for low carb meals to prepare, but most of the time I can't even find the ingredients over here. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Maybe I should open my own low carb store over here?

Fakebook friends

Like many of you, I also subscribed to Facebook. Mostly, to find people I know but lost track of. It's great to find old time friends and see how they are doing. It's an easy way to keep up with your friends.

Facebook was on the news the other day. Communication is about to change completely. People don't socialise any more. They chat and they talk to one another on Facebook. Employees visit Facebook during working hours and tell the whole world how they count down the hours until they can go home or they play online bowling instead of doing whatever they are supposed to do.

What I don't like about Facebook, are the Fakebook friends. People that want to be friends, without knowing you. What's the use? I don't get it. I take great value to real time friends, and I sometimes communicate with them on Facebook, but not the other way around. Friendship is not about having 500 Fakebook friends... at least not to me.

Meet the in-laws!

My husband comes from a family of five. He has 3 brothers and I sister. They grew up in a small town and they had a good youth. They had their own club house, they held secret parties in the woods where they built their own toilet and they had the time of their life!

Their parents were easy going. Not strict at all. They didn't set curfews or a certain time to go to bed. They didn't interfere in the relation ships of their children. But whenever one of their children was unhappy or in trouble, they stood by them.

The first time I saw my in-laws, I had known my husband (my boyfriend back then) for a month and a half and I had just found out I was 2 weeks pregnant. So not the best time to meet your in-laws. But they welcomed me with open arms and they were very kind. And as soon as they heard I was pregnant, they were filled with joy! We gave them their first grandchild and that will always be special. They helped us out wherever they could. We didn't have much income back then, although my husband worked 3 jobs and I worked until I nearly went into labor. But babies cost money and I had some debts to pay off.

My father-in-law painted our house and papered the walls. Every time we moved house, he would come over to paint and paper some more. He never complained. We fed him and made sure he felt at home and had everything he needed. That was his way of showing his appreciation and all of his children have had this same treatment.

Every other Sunday, all of us gather around the table for lunch. We laugh and enjoy a good family time. The grandchildren love to hang out together and it's pretty hectic when all 9 of them are there at the same time.

On Tuesdays, I stop by at "grandma's" for coffee. She always has some friends or relatives over and it is fun to have some girls' time. Sometimes I bake some goodies and she provides coffee.

There was no doubt: my mother-in-law was going to be Eva's godmother. And we are still very happy with that choice. Eva is very fond of her and she loves some special time with her godmother. They nose around the attic or look at old photo albums together. And they chit chat. Eva treasures those moments and I'm sure my mother-in-law does as well.

Some people don't get along with their in-laws, or have a terrible bond with their mother-in-law. I could not have chosen a better mother-in-law.

Some like it hot

I love spicy food. Not to the point that your taste buds set on fire, but it may be pretty hot. I really like Moroccan dishes: couscous, spicy merguez (lamb sausages), tahin, zucchini and carrot stews, chickpeas,..

It all started with Tabasco. The red kind, not the green. Green Tabasco is for wussies. Spaghetti Bolognaise requires Tabasco. Period.

A couple of years ago, I got into Japanese food, and wasabi is ever since in my fridge. Raw salmon, dotted with wasabi...hmhm.. It makes your eyes tear and your nose sting. But it's really refreshing and new. You should give it a try. Really.

Whenever I eat Turkish food, I want harissa. A chicken dürüm (a wrap) with veggies, lots of garlic sauce and then some sprinkles of harissa to finish it off. In fact, I could definitely use a dürüm right now, when I think of it. LOLZ.

Chinese soup asks for sambal oelek. Sometimes I make it so spicy, it's hard to eat. But that's the way I like my Chinese soup.

So how do you spice up your food?

Walk like an Egyptian

I have been romantically evolved with an Egyptian man, a long time ago. He was no good for me, but I was blinded by love. On the other hand, was that love? Being manipulated and humiliated? Everybody told me to leave him, but I couldn't. Because there was also another side to him. That side I liked. But unfortunately that's the side of him I didn't see often enough.

He was in Belgium illegally. He worked although he wasn't supposed to. I worked for him and I worked like 20 hours a day, until I couldn't think straight anymore. My best friend told me he was no good. That's when he decided I shouldn't see my friends or family any more. He told me they were racists, not real friends. Because if they were my friends, they would see how happy he made me. And I believed him..

My aunt and uncle never gave up on me, although they weren't happy with him. But they welcomed me at any time in their home. They made me realise in the end that I should leave him.. And luckily enough, my best friend didn't give up on me either. I didn't speak to her for a whole year, but then we started to talk again and I'm grateful for that.

That relationship left a very bad aftertaste in my mouth and deep wounds in my heart for quite some time. I lost myself completely and I had a hard time coming back to life. But I did.

I have visited Egypt twice since. I still believe it's a beautiful country and the natives are very attractive. I have also seen the look in the eyes of our eldest daughter, being admired by the local men. Egyptian men can make you feel like a princess. Some men make you feel like a slave. And that's a shame..

Wake me up before you go-go

When I was in my teens, I had no problems getting up in the morning. Rise and shine was my motto. I had to get up around 6 AM in order to get ready for school in time.

Nowadays, I'm too tired to get out of bed at such an early hour. But then again, there's no need to. So I get up around 7:30 AM. If my husband works the early shift, he wakes up at 4:45 AM. I wish I could tell him: wake me up before you go-go, but I'm afraid that's not going to happen. I don't even hear him get up. Some women get up to make their husband's sandwiches. I can't believe people still do that. I would hate it if someone else would prepare my lunch. How are you supposed to know what they would like to have at lunch time? I like to prepare my own lunch. Our children even make their own lunch box. They prepare it in the evening and put it in the fridge to keep it cool and fresh.

It doesn't mean I don't love you, but please: don't wake me up before you go-go..

Life is a cabaret

Our good friends introduced us to the world of musicals. Previously we had seen a couple of musicals with the children and all four of us were pretty excited about it. The costumes, the decor, the music, the atmosphere in the theatre. Either you like it or you don't. Over the years, we haven't taken the children to many musicals any more, but we have made it our adult city trips. 

Our friends pick out a musical and plan three days around it. Meaning we shop, we eat, we shop some more, we go to the theatre to enjoy the exciting world of the musical. For just a couple of days, we dress up and our life is a cabaret. We are the shining stars and enjoy each other's company. Don't forget to sing along because you absolutely need to buy the CD and play it over and over to relive the experience. 

I'm a fan. There are some musicals I haven't seen yet but heard so much good about. The Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, to name a few. My favorite musical is Le Notre Dame de Paris. Hélène Segara as Esmeralda and Garou as the Hunchback. The music makes you drift off and takes you away in this fantasy world. I have the DVD but sadly enough, I haven't seen it live. 

The other week, we went to see two musicals in Holland. No need to say we had another wonderful time and our hearts are satisfied and filled with joy. Thank you guys! You got the music in you!

The Husband Chair

Have you noticed, whenever you go shopping, that some men remain in their car, while their wife runs the errands? I always wonder why they don't join their wives? Why do these women bring their husband along, if he's going to stay in their car? Is it because they don't have a driver's licence ? Don't these men get bored or do they prefer staying in the car over strolling through the supermarket? 

Some stores have found a good solution for these men. I have seen it in clothes shops. I call it The Husband Chair. Husbands are supposed to wait in these chairs, while their women change clothes in the dress rooms. They are supposed to nod their heads when the lady shows off her colorful new dress. They are supposed to shriek their ooh's and aah's, even after the fifth dress up party. If they are lucky, some salesperson will bring them coffee and a cookie. But that will only be in the more expensive stores I guess. He can also keep all the shopping bags, the misses' purse, her cell phone that keeps ringing over and over, because her friends can't miss her and want to hear all about her day out. Sometimes I feel sorry for these men.. I really do. But why don't they just tell their wives they want to go home and watch the ball game or that they would rather sit on a bar stool having a beer with the mates instead of spending an afternoon in The Husband Chair? I haven't figured that out yes, I suppose..

Rug Rats

My in-laws have 9 grandchildren, 4 girls and 5 boys. Lana is the eldest and her cousin was born the next day, so they are only 1 day apart. The eldest grandchild is 14, the youngest nearly 3. 

They all love to go play at grandma's. Because grandma is great! She lets them dress up in her best clothes, they can paint and do projects and chase the chickens in the back yard. They can use the flesh forks to eat instead of cutlery. And they are allowed to eat on the couch, in front of the TV. There is nobody that tells them to clear the table or do the dishes. Nobody makes them make their bed. When they are with grandma, they are real rug rats!

Okay, cookies and soda for breakfast may not be the best option, but after all: once they are back home, they are back to normal. LOL. It's great for them to have wonderful grandparents and someone that loves them unconditionally.

We have to pick up our rug rats tonight. They spent 3 days with grandma and grandpa. Because their parents needed some grown up time with their friends. I missed them. But I truly enjoyed some time without them as well. And I'm sure they had a great time too. And we bring them small presents. It will be good to hug them later this evening..

Don't stand so close to me

I don't like it when people intrude my space without my approval. Some people really cling to you, physically but also mentally. They try to live your life, to the point where it becomes scary.

In therapy, I learned to set boundaries. Both physical and mental. We did this exercise, where two members of the therapy group stood in front of each other. This one person had to come up to you, without saying anything. You had to set boundaries, in how far he/she could approach you. But you couldn't speak. Both members had to use body language and try to be real firm about it. It was really hard. The person I did the exercise with, was a very goodlooking and tall man. I compared him to Bambi, because he was so gentle and kind. But as soon as he crossed my boundary in the exercise, he freaked me out. Even to the point where I burst out into tears. The poor guy! He never meant to scare me or intimidate me. He kept on apologizing to me, but he really didn't have to. Because he taught me a very valuable lesson in life. It made me realise that I was not very good at keeping people out of my personal space. And that was something I needed to work on.

I have noticed some improvement and I'm happy about that. You don't have to please the world. You don't have to be nice to everybody. If it doesn't feel good: make a statement!