Now tell me something

Frankly, I would like to write 4 blogs today. I like to give each one of you your very own birthday wishes. And I would like to wish my friend the best of luck with her upcoming operation. I'll do my best to keep it brief but from the heart.

This year is going to be a very special year for you.
A special number, a special birthday. You invited us to join you for a shopping trip to Holland. That was really an honor and we're looking forward to spending 3 days with all of you. The prospect of having dinner together in Seventh Heaven, brings me joy. Last time was great and I'm sure this time won't be any different. We're in good company and we always have a good laugh over excellent food, don't we? I know this was not a birthday you wanted to celebrate already, but guess what: to us, you will still be our good friend and you still look your best. Have a very happy birthday, my Phantom...

I have known you for 18 years now. You have calmed down quite a bit since then, although you still work long hours to help out financially. In fact, you should be enjoying life a bit more and work a bit less, but you do what you like to do most. I see a lot of you in your sons. 18 years is a long time and we see each other nearly weekly. I must say: you haven't changed that much over the years. You look pretty much the same and your health hasn't gone bad. We keep our fingers crossed that our children will be able to see their grandpa grow very old, so they can cherish you even longer. Happy birthday, grandpa..

You are not doing so well... Where has the vibrant woman gone.. I wish it were different for you, because you deserve better. Life hasn't been easy on you. Raising three children all by yourself was not a piece of cake. Two came out real well, your middle one is still finding his way in life. That hurts you big time. It keeps your mind busy and it drags you down. Let's hope this year will bring some more sparkling stars in the dark sky you have seen the last months. I'm glad I could give you a hug yesterday. You needed that hug. It was good to have a private talk. Take care my friend.. you're not alone. Have a happy birthday if you can, okay? Do it for you.

Today, on the day of your son's birthday, you'll be in the hospital to have eye surgery. No major operation, but still. Not something one would do by choice, but it was necessary and there were no other options. A second operation is scheduled 5 weeks later. I'll light all the candles in the house for you. You'll be on our mind. Good luck, my friend. We love you. Hope you will see a whole lot better by the next time we meet.

What would you like to accomplish before you die?

For those who read my blog on a regular basis, it will be pretty obvious that diabetes plays a major role in my life. It's part of who I am and many of my friends are diabetics as well. Over the last 10 years, I have tried to educate myself on the subject, by listening to peers, by surfing on the Internet and talking to my doctors and diabetes nurses. I agree that life with D isn't always easy. Not for us diabetics, but not for the people around us either. It's good that them too know what diabetes is about. Okay they will never understand what it's like to feel sick when ketones enter your body or how low blood glucose makes you lose control. They do witness those episodes at times and it's probably weird and occasionally even frightening. It is important for them to know, that we do the best we can to control our condition and to make our life and the lives of the people around us, worth living.

I'm having visitors this afternoon. A few people from a production house are coming over to make a commercial on Type 1 diabetes. They contacted me with the question if I was willing to tell my story in front of a camera. The clip will be shown during a diabetes symposium on a big screen. I didn't doubt one second. If I can help spread the word on diabetes, I will. Awareness is so important and a positive attitude will help us move on. I see it as a goal in life, to bring awareness to the people around us.
I'm curious and anxious and nervous and chipper. Keep your fingers crossed for me, okay?

The light of my life

That's what you used to call me, many years ago: the light of your life..
We're not the most romantic couple ever. We're not good with candle light dinners, little scribbles on scrap paper or red rose petals on the bed. That's just not who we are as a couple. We don't watch the stars, laying on our back in the grass at night. We don't clasp hands to stroll down the beach. No memorable love texting on our cell phone. I never sit on your lap nor do you carry me up the stairs. You don't come home early from work because you missed me and I don't turn the car after I left to come back home and give you another cuddle..

Did we ever have that romance in our relationship? Not that I recall.. I guess both of us are too sober to do so. It doesn't mean we love each other less than the more romantic couples. We just express things in a different way. Subtle hints are not easy for you to comprehend. You like things to be said out loud and clear. And what do I like? I don't know.. Would I like a bit more romance in our marriage? I don't know.. Because we're not used to it. It would be kinda awkward if all of a sudden you would lay your hand on my back to let me enter the restaurant first. It would be weird if you would order dinner for me instead of me picking out your favorite meal. Would I be surprised if you would bring me my Latte Macchiato with two sweeteners and plenty of milk froth? Absolutely.. Would we enjoy breakfast in bed on a lazy Sunday morning..?

People who say Valentine's Day is just another way of merchandising, are probably right. It's not about February 14th. Loving is so much more than this one particular day. Love is less about having sex seven times a week. Love is not about expensive gifts. Love is more about bringing a smile on each other's faces for no reason at all. And love is more about letting your partner know you're still madly in love with little affectionate gestures..

Me Time

I'm privileged for having the occasion of enjoying so much Me Time.. My schedule is always packed with fun meetings, entertainment and Me Time. You let me enjoy life without limits. I love that Me Time - I need it too. It keeps me sane and motivated and happy. As long as there's enough time to spend with my family and to do what I need to do, I don't feel guilty about the Me Time. Because it gives me the energy to be bubbly and alive, and don't we all benefit from that?

The test of time

Every time when I look in the mirror, all these lines on my face getting clearer. The past is gone. It went by, like dusk to dawn. Isn't that the way? Everybody's got the dues in life to pay..

I always said I didn't mind getting older. I had no grey hairs to dye, no wrinkles to treat. Times have changed. The sign of the times has started to show. I'm no longer a young woman. Not that I feel old, on the contrary. I feel young and vibrant, but my body is starting to discuss with the heart and the mind. I feel 40, for the first time in my life. But then again: what's wrong with being the age you are? It would be worse if I would feel 50 at the age of 40, right? I always claimed I was not going to grow older than 50. Meaning that I have a pitiful 10 more years to enjoy. That would be very sad, since I love to live. Maybe I should broaden my boundaries and go for 60? On the other hand, 60 isn't that old either. Hmhmh.. it's getting difficult here. Good enough we don't have to decide on how long we will be on this planet. It's not up to us at all. There are no certainties in life, besides being born and leaving this world. When that is going to happen, is one big question. I'm not even close, that I know. So I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. I want to live, I want to feel alive. Even at the age of 40, we're entitled to some fun. It's okay to feel young and bubbly. I'm not ready to give that enthusiasm up that easily, despite the test of time..

I am just blah blah blah

It's been one of those days, when I feel like I can't stop talking. The words keep coming and they blur out my mouth. It's like my heart is flowing over with emotions that need to find their final destination. Feelings of all range and intensity. Sadness, happiness, joy and grief, concern and comfort. A mixture of feelings that pass the line. I want to take some time off, some rest, some time to think clear and straight and give those emotions their own place. It is good to feel though. It makes you feel alive. Fierce feelings at times, but nevertheless, they are feelings I embrace. Who would I be without this barrel of emotions..

I can't make you love me

There must have been a time down the line, when you were in love with someone who didn't love you back. Do you recognize that feeling? That overall feeling of love for the other and the pain because the other doesn't love you back the same way? I remember that feeling real well. It was so painful. That feeling of rejection, of not being wanted, is horrible. It's a pain you can't explain if you haven't lived it. You just can't make one love you.. That's not how love works. There may be a certain degree of love or friendship,  but if it doesn't go beyond that, it's probably never going to happen. Then it's time to let go and move on. Never regret having loved that special person. It was valuable nevertheless. Love can't be forced. It wouldn't be fair either. Hold on to the friendship if you can. No matter what the intensity of the relationship was: it was always worth having it. Since it brought you joy and it made you feel alive. I'm thinking of you..

It's cold outside

Baby, it's cold outside! My feet are just frozen and numb and I can't find any warmth to defrost them. I hate cold weather. Okay, it's not snowing or raining or anything, but I just don't like to be cold. If only we could live in Florida, where we could enjoy the heart warming sun.... Wandering off, I can imagine myself in Kissimmee, enjoying some relaxation in the jacuzzi, surrounded by the gators. No stress, just sheer relaxation..

American citizens like to go to Florida to retire. Sounds like a plan to me. I definitely wouldn't mind. The heat would be good for our bones and our sanity. Because that's what the sun does with people: it lightens up your mood. Look how happy people are when the sun is out? Maybe we would adjust to those temperatures and no longer find it special after some time? Although we still get annoyed by the rain and the cold, after all of those years in Belgium...

I appreciate your honesty

There's not much you can't say to me. I appreciate your honesty and your friendship.
Today we're having lunch in Ghent. We travel around the country to meet up and so far, it's always been a pleasure. I would like you to tell me more about your CGM system and get to know all of the benefits. You're a fulltime user of the product so who else can explain me more than you?

You'll be in time. So will I. Because we have been looking forward to this lunch date. Let's say we connect. Both our partners know that and I'm glad they have no objections against our meetings. It would be a shame if we wouldn't be able to go out and have a good time. I would really miss that.

See you in a bit. I hope you have no other plans for the day...

Rumor has it

My agenda says I'm having three lunch dates this week. And all of you who know me well, know that my lunch dates start in the morning and they may well last till after dinner. Not because that's the plan, it's just the way it goes. I love to talk to all three of you. Different ages, different men, but all worth spending time with. We have some shopping to do, lunch to indulge, latte macchiato to drink and well... babble.. our tongues will go dry but diet coke will solve that without any doubt. Maybe our blood glucose will raise a bit higher than it normally does, but we know how to solve that. Since two of you are diabetics yourself, I know I don't have to fear anything. And my third date is well aware of what diabetes is about and we'll talk some more about scary situations, so there won't be any more "and then the light went out".

Are you ready to shop? I hope the cold won't scare us off. And if it does, we'll have some more Latte to keep us warm. We won't overdo on the carbs today. Healthy lunch and no desserts planned, so we don't outrage our numbers, okay?

This evening, we're going to attend another diabetes pub meeting. The theme of tonight is laughter. Something we're pretty familiar with. Nevertheless, it will be good to see the others too. A day to enjoy. A week to enjoy. Bonds to be tightened.

Je me fou du monde entier

You actually don't give a darn what people think of you. Being abroad for 5 weeks does you well. You are so happy with your partner and the two of you like to travel and enjoy each others company. Today is your birthday. Years go by so fast. I think I have known you for around 12 years now. No matter what happened to you during that period of time, you always kept your joy and positive attitude and you didn't let anyone get you down. Keep up that spirit, my friend. I'm looking forward to the short visit you will pay our country, before you go back where you like to be the most. I'll see you on Thursday, as usual, for our monthly day out. We never get bored and there's always plenty to talk about.
Have a very good birthday. I'm sure that won't be any problem.

Outrageous!

Photo by Lana Joos

Unheard off! Driving my car on the slippery roads at night, the outside thermometer read -17°C. MINUS that is! I have never heard of temperatures this low in our country... Cheese and rice, I mean.. come on? Is this Antarctica? I thought winter was not going to happen this year, since January was a very mild month. But February made up for that. The difference is just so enormous! We don't know how to keep ourselves warm, since the central heating and the gas fireplace don't do the trick. Warm socks, woolen sweaters and waterproof gloves are still not enough to go outside for a walk. The dogs are longing for some outside play, but the salt on the pavements hurts their feet. I really don't want them to have frostbite. So they stay inside and admire the white carpet from behind the glass windows. Inthe is sad... she wants to play catch.. So she weeps and gives us the saddest look ever...

I hate cold weather. I hate snow and I definitely hate ice. But I must admit, that the scenery is breathtaking. I was visiting someone who was staying in a wonderful house in the fields, far away from any nearby neighbors. I pulled up a parking lot, to enjoy the scenery and the serene landscape. And I realize how lucky we are to be living in a country where we still have seasons. I was impressed by the beauty of pristine snowy fields and the silence of a country covered in snow..

Coming home to a bowl of home made pumpkin ravioli, served with strips of raw ham and a bit of sage butter, warmed my hands and my tummy. Let's pull up a fleece blanket, hop on the couch and let the whippets warm my feet. I'm no longer that opposed to freezing temperatures, because I know my heart is warm and filled with love.

Smiling like an idiot

You probably have these moments too? Moments that are just so ridiculous that you can't do but laugh at yourself for what you've done or said?

I like to laugh and quite often, I smile like an idiot because of my very own stupidities. Awkward situations, for example. There are plenty of occasions where I made a complete fool out of myself. Falling down on my knees in the middle of a crowded street for instance. Those are painful moments, but at the same time hilarious, because I don't take myself that seriously.
I like to sing in my car or give comments on other drivers. I'm sure it's a weird sight for others to see me babble to myself.

Don't be that serious. Dare to laugh, dare to look at yourself and find the fun within your personality. Have a good laugh over you and share it with your friends. No big deal. Just a funny situation.

What do you think?

I look at you and I try to figure out what's on your mind. You are miles away, wandering off, sunken in thoughts.
I observe you and I check your mimicry. You close your eye lids only halfway just so you can still peek through your eye lashes. I have no idea what you're looking at, since it's something in your daydream. You have no idea you are being observed. I find it interesting, to say the least..
Maybe I should ask about your innermost thoughts, but I don't. Since they are your private thoughts. You would tell me, if you would want me to know. Maybe you will, in the end. I don't know. And it doesn't matter. Just keep on dreaming your daydream. I'll keep on observing you..

And then the light went out..

I have no idea where the palpitations came from, but I could feel my heart beat go in overdrive. I felt sick to my stomach and my skin must have lost all color. I could see my friend but I couldn't hear her. I tried to get my glucometer out of my purse, but I couldn't hold the test strip. I would not even have known how to poke my fingers or read the result..
She told me to sit down on the floor and that's exactly where I ended up. Two pouches of pure glucose found their way to my mouth and my friend was so helpful to help me indulge the sugar. I was hot, too hot although I was freezing my bum off prior to this event. She told me to remain seated but I only wanted to get up. I felt ashamed. She said it was okay, nothing to be ashamed of. I hugged her for helping me out and I thanked the bystanders for their intervention. Not that I was aware of what they had done. All I knew, was that my friend was there to help me out. She knew where to find my pouches of glucose and she remained calm but very persistent in making me sit down and suck up the sweetness of the hypofit.
It was the first time I experienced a diabetic low of this caliber. Not very pleasant. Losing control is awful. My BG skyrocketed after this episode, but insulin made it come back down right to where it belonged.

My friend was supposed to drive home with her husband and daughter, but not one of them agreed to let me drive home from Brussels all by myself. So my friend joined me, to make sure I was okay (I had another - but smaller - episode that same night). She offered to drive my car, but I was okay. I was back in control, just the way I like it. There were more pouches of hypofit in my car, for emergencies. I was glad I got home in one piece. And once again: friendship is so important. As telling your friends what diabetes is about and how emergencies need to be treated. My friend was very chill about this situation and she has no clue how much that meant to me. Thank you...

A last minute call

Coming down from a good night's rest, I found the inbox of my cell phone to be full with text messages. There was one missed call as well, but I wanted to read your text before I called you back. You had an invitation for me. If I wanted to join you, your husband and your daughter to go see UB40 in Brussels. Of course! What did you think???? I opened my notebook, to make sure I had no other appointments scheduled the day of the concert. So I asked you when you wanted to go? A clatter of laughter filled the house, when you told me it were that very same evening. Euuhh.. okay.. no problem. That was a bit sudden and very last minute. But I instantly got happy and flattered that you had asked me to join you. Right away, a few UB40 titles popped up in my mind. Red red wine, There's a rat in my kitchen, Sing our own song.. Just a few of many wonderful songs from my youth. I loved UB40 and reggae music. So yes, this was a wonderful surprise. You're a delight.

This is what I do

People often ask me what I do for a living. Well... that is pretty hard to explain. I don't feel the need to do anything. I like what I do now. I like to hang out with others and I like to talk about diabetes. So I attend workshops and I teach others about diabetes by giving similar seminars. There are several invitations to go out there and spread the word on diabetes. I like to educate people. Probably the teacher inside of me? I don't know. I'm not a professional diabetes nurse and I do not pretend to be one. The seminars I give are based on my own experience with D and the way I look at it. Giving medical advice is not my job and I won't go there. There are professionals out there to fulfill that need.
I hear that I can be a great motivator and I want to use that given to help out others. I want to let other diabetics know, that life isn't over after being diagnosed. Okay, it's a chronic disease and diabetes complications are not to be waved away. That's not what I come to talk about. I want to educate, to reassure, to inform and to spread awareness. I want to comfort people, reach out to them and refer them to a doctor who can help them move on and get good treatment.

You have no idea how good it feels, when someone comes over to you and tells you they have better control over their diabetes because I motivated them. How well their HbA1c has become since they started to count carbs and got better information on how to treat their diabetes. It's heart warming to hear that a teen is doing so much better since she started pumping insulin. The joy of her parents was overwhelming and I can relate to their concern. It's so wonderful to see someone bloom and grow because of your interference. That's why I do what I do. And I do it with all the warmth of my heart.

The other week, I went to visit a nun, who's been a T1 diabetic for 26 years. She had no idea that her not recognizing hypoglycemia actually had a name: hypo unawareness. She didn't know what carbohydrates were or what they did to her blood glucose. She had no idea there were appliances like insulin pumps, to help you get better control. So we had a good talk and last week, she was in the hospital to learn how to count carbs and to get to know her insulin pump. She was in tears by my visit and so happy she had finally met someone who understood what diabetes is about. I was proud to see that she had followed my advice, since she was going through her carb counting book to search for the carb contents of her dinner. She had so many questions and tears of joy and relief were rolling down her cheeks.. And that's what I do..  It may not be a job to you, but it's what I'm good at. It's what I do best. And it's what I like to do.

Pleased to meet you

I often wonder how people get to meet one another. Over the years, I have met so many people but I keep forgetting how we met. I try to focus, but sometimes I really can't figure it out. Who addressed who, what lines did we use to introduce ourselves? How long after that first meeting did we meet again? The years go by and I forget. Memories build up and some fade away. Some friendships get more intense while others extinguish slowly as candles. Do you ever know in advance if an encounter will turn into a deep friendship? I'm glad we don't know. We wouldn't do our best to get to know the other person if we knew in advance the friendship wouldn't last. I honestly don't believe all friendships have to remain as intense. Even less intense friendships can be worth maintaining. You don't have to see each other every week to be good friends. I nurture my friends. Pleased to meet you. When will I see you again?

Do you want to know my secret?

I don't know how you feel about having or sharing secrets. Are we entitled to having secrets or are we supposed to make someone a partner in crime or not have any secrets at all? I don't know. Secrets don't always have to be huge secrets. Sometimes there are smaller secrets you just want to keep private. Just because other people wouldn't understand. Or just because you don't feel like sharing them. Because you want to keep some things to yourself. Because they are private. Because it's too delicate to share. Because it's a part of you you don't want to share with the rest of the world. Not everything needs to be told on the Internet. Not everything has to be brought right out in the open. Let me have my secrets. I let you have yours...

I think I wanna marry you

Congratulations, my friend. This very right day, your youngest son is getting married to his beautiful girlfriend.. It's been a rough year and nobody had an idea this marriage was going to be scheduled this soon. Hearing they are getting married today, brings joy to our hearts. He's still amongst us and he will be for a very long time. Marriage will do him good. He will have different goals in life, a wife to cherish, a household to take care off. Day by day, he will grow stronger. He's getting there. With a lot of love from his wife and family and help from his friends, 2012 will be a fresh start. Bruno is not invited to the party. We all prayed for him to go away. We don't need him. Your son can do without...
Have a wonderful day. Keep the Kleenex handy. I'll be thinking of you all..

Nocturnal

I'm tired. Exhausted. The nights are getting shorter and shorter. CGM is what I need. This tool would be so helpful to help me get better diabetes treatment. Not that I'm not doing well now, on the contrary. But still, I want a better standard deviation in my blood glucose numbers. I would like my CGM to warn me when my numbers are going up or down. I poke my fingers 8 times a day, but that's not enough. So I sleep little and poke at night as well. To get better numbers...

I need to get more sleep. No more late nights on the couch, between sleeping and being awake. No more alarms on my insulin pump, to tell me it's time to check my blood glucose. It is quiet in the house though at night. I can watch all the TV programs I like. I can cook late night meals and surf on the Internet and chat with my friends. But I do need to get more sleep. My age is chasing me and it's telling me to stop poking my fingers at night and go to bed earlier. I have to listen to my body. It says: last check 01:00 AM and no more couch sleeping after that. Off to bed! I'll give it a shot.

I got a hangover

Can't remember when I had my last hangover. I'm not much of a drinker. You could call me a social drinker. Over lunch/dinner with friends, I like to have a glass or two of Chardonnay. No more, just one or two glasses. That's even more than I can handle. I like the taste of Chardonnay. I don't drink beer, I don't drink liquor. I don't like the taste and I don't like the control you loose once your body is intoxicated. So alcohol is not the best option for me to enjoy a good time. I look around me and see how people enjoy their beers and shots of liquor, but it can't charm me. What is more fun than having good conversations and plenty of smiles? No need for alcohol to have a good time...

There are people around me who have a lifetime warning when it comes to drinking. They have a problem with alcohol. It's dangerous for them to drink and they decided to give up on alcohol for life. I don't have that intention, since it's not really a problem for me. But I do admire their decision and I'm glad they found another way to cope with things in life. It made them better people. We all benefit from their sobriety. They are no longer obnoxious or over emotional. They cope better with problems and they don't sleep in late after a terrible hangover, because the only hangover they have, is a big grin on their face from having a good time without alcohol..

A bit of silliness

I'm 40 years old. The silly years should be gone by now. But they are not. I feel young and vibrant and full of energy. I've been told numerous times how happy people get by my laughter and joy. It makes them smile too.. Every day should have a bit of silliness. A joke, some teasing, a ridiculous situation.. it doesn't matter - anything that makes your heart tick and keeps you up and going. Life is so much nicer if you don't take yourself that seriously. There's plenty of misery out there. Don't make your own life miserable as well. I love to laugh. Not one day goes by without a funny twist. That's exactly how I would like to keep it. I don't fear the future. I don't fear growing old. Because I'm convinced my heart will remain young and the laughter will keep the wrinkles away..

Yo hablo español

Was I 14 or maybe even 16 at the time, I don't recall the exact age. I know that I took Spanish classes for a couple of months or maybe a year. It was a great way to get out of the house and have a good time with friends. The classes were at night. I don't even remember where the classes were, but that's not important. The thing was: I loved the words, the pronunciation, the way the teacher taught us about the Spanish culture. I don't recall much from my Spanish classes, but some phrases keep coming back.

You are being given the opportunity to learn Spanish in between classes in school. I'm so happy you decided to sign up. Languages are important and they help you understand other cultures and customs. I hope your teacher will be enthusiastic to make the classes worth following. It will be a good preparation for you to go abroad. Because that's what you want to do next year. You applied for a student exchange program. Spain, Italy, Luxembourg. There was a motivation letter that gave me goose bumps. We keep our fingers crossed for you, so your application will be accepted. It's keeping them long to decide. It would be a wonderful experience for you to fly out and discover a totally new country. A chance to be more independent - although you're already doing real well - and indulge yourself in a different world. Good luck sweetie. You'll get there.

E quella notte mi sono resa conto che vi voglio bene

That night I realized that I loved you..

At times, we don't always realize how lucky we are to be able to love and be loved. There's love at first sight, the love of your life, love for a friend, deep love that hurts when you think of it, the love for your children, the love for life, unexpected love, butterfly love, ... so many forms of love but beautiful nevertheless. Do you ever mesmerize over the different kinds of love in your life? Do you tell your loved ones that you care for them? Not the daily "I love you", that's not what I mean. But that one special "I love you", that warms your heart whenever you hear it out of the mouth of someone you truly love. Those are the love you lines that stay with you and keep you warm..
Valentines Day is coming up soon. A day to celebrate the different loved ones in our life. It's not always about your beloved partner. I like to tell my friends too. Because them too, they matter. Being surrounded by special loved ones, is a wonderful feeling we should cherish..

Why are you so shy?

Lately, I have encountered some new people who told me they were shy, not very outgoing and they found it difficult to socialize. I was curious about them.. It ticks me to know why people are shy or why they hesitate to meet up with others. So we met. Eye to eye at first, no other guests. And it clicked. Okay, I admit, they were a bit shy at first, but isn't that normal when you meet someone for the very first time? We chitchatted and the conversations went well. It's no problem to have a brief silence every now and then, that's okay. We understood each other and then no words have to be spoken.

We met up again. I invited another shy person to accompany us. We all met and mingled and as soon as I saw the other two get into a conversation, I sneaked out to the bathroom, so they could have a talk by themselves. It was good to see them chat and smile when I came back. They are not as shy as they think they are. Being shy is not a problem. It's only a problem if you make it one.

Build up that self esteem. Go for it. You got the right attitude, the knowledge, the looks. There's no reason for you to stay at home. Someone out there is waiting to meet you.

A shoulder to lean on

Human beings are not made to live by themselves. We like to have a partner, a family, friends, colleagues.. It's just not natural to spend your life on your own. That doesn't mean you can't have time by yourself, you absolutely do need me time. It's just that, having people around you that truly care, makes life even better.
If you're lucky to have a mentor in life, go for it. Mentors can be great stimulators. They help you see things in a different dimension. They are there for you, when things aren't going right and they will be there to cheer for you when you have made your next achievement. Don't underestimate their importance. Mentors make you feel good. They know what your weak spots are, but they are very good at finding your talents as well. They are the mirror to your soul. Might or may be confrontational, but that's okay. In the end, you will benefit from being open.
We all need a shoulder to lean on. Even the mentors do..

Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

Sometimes it's scary. The thought of you going out with your friends. I still like to stay up to come get you in the middle of the night. I don't trust other drivers. I've been young too. It's great to go out with friends and have a couple of drinks. Drinking and driving is not a good combo, but I'm very aware it happens all the time. I know we need to have faith, and we trust you. But we never know what the others do and how well they drive, let stand if they drink and drive.

So don't worry. I don't mind coming to get you. I want you to have a good time and enjoy yourself without having to worry about how to get home. So for some more time, you're stuck with your mom as a driver. But I think you don't mind...

Pop the question

Late the other night, I got a very strange text message on my cell phone. It said: "Are you interested in a date? I offer you 500 euros. Greetings, Pascal." Apart from the fact that I had no idea who this P. person might be, this text message was beyond proper behavior. I was appalled by the message and the person who sent it. Not knowing where it came from or where he got my number, it freaked me out. What a stupid thing to do! Where do people get the nerve to assume that you are waiting for text messages of this order? I was not happy at all. Not one time did it cross my mind to accept this offer. It was disrespectful and way out of line. The person who sent me the message, had no problem leaving his number behind. I could call him and let him know I was not flattered by this text. I didn't. Because it wasn't worth the effort. But yes, it freaked me out. He didn't mention my name in his message, so I assume he randomly chooses cell phone numbers to forward these messages to. What a sick mind.. I don't mind people popping questions, not at all. On the contrary: I love to answer questions. But this is not one of the questions I had in mind..

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Isn't it strange, how hard people find it, to say they are sorry? We can talk about almost anything, but it's so hard to step down and tell someone you were wrong.. Not good for your image maybe, but still worth trying. Saying sorry can solve more issues than you think. It's just a simple word, only 5 letters, but so meaningfull.

I have no idea why this subject crosses my mind just now. Nothing has happened that needs to be apologized for. I'm not expecting any excuses from anyone either. It's just that I woke up this morning and it was what was on my mind. Sorry seems to be the hardest word, but it can make you feel a whole lot better afterwards..

Blue Monday

For the first time, I heard that the third Monday of January is considered Blue Monday. All over the world, this is the day when most people feel depressed, sad or even desperate.

I was watching this program on TV. A Chinese business man had survived two suicide attempts, after his companies went out of business. He thought his experience could help other people and he started to give seminars to suicidal peers. His classes were packed and the audience was focused. There were coffins in the auditorium. The attendees were asked to have their "last" picture taken and to write their own eulogy. They changed the clothes they were wearing for graveclothes, before they crawled into their coffin in deep silence. The lids were being put on top and the coffins were nailed down. For some time, they were being left inside their coffins, to reflect over their lives. Meanwhile, their family and friends were gathering in the same room, to attend the fake funeral. The "dead" person could hear the grief and the sorrow of their beloved ones. It made them aware of how fortunate they were to have so many wonderful people around them. Not of one the attendees has made a new suicide attempt since the classes they took. Spooky.. but effective..

Repeat

As a mom I have to say things over and over again. Mostly unpleasant things like chores and curfews and homework and cleaning up bedrooms and picking up wet towels. I guess that's part of being a parent and having teenagers around. And then again, I realize how fortunate I am. Our girls are responsible and they are not that obnoxious that they fight us or refuse to do things. Okay, they talk back every now and then and they have an opinion of their own, but that's part of growing up, right? Something I like to repeat over and over again, is that they are loved and wanted. Isn't that more important than nagging about their imperfections? So sweethearts, bear with me if I nag about your cluttered room. Just see it as things moms just have to nag about. I love you girls xx

Working out

Just a bit too much fat around the belly and the shoulders a bit too broad. That's what the holidays did to you. You're not supposed to look like this. Your nature is to be lean and skinny. We want you to be healthy and look your best. So hubby decided to give you an extra work out every day. He already takes you and your friend Rebba for long walks, but obviously that won't cut the deal for you. Rebba is ship shape, but you're a bit too heavy now..

It's not that you're lazy or so. You really look forward to the outdoor games. Hubby lets you race around the backyard, chasing your ball. You are so fast and it's amazing how well you jump and get that ball. After play, you come inside and although your condition is pretty good, your heart pounds dramatically and your tongue is ready to lick the saliva dripping on the floor. You recover fast and then you drop your ball in our lap, to make clear that you're ready for some more fun. I have no idea why you put on that extra weight, but still, we cut back on your diet again. You are being fed twice a day and the food you get is already diet food. We do have a small suspicion though, that you may eat the food of your friend as well. She doesn't eat that much and she could care less if you would eat hers. She definitely won't fight over it.

Let's hope working out will do you good. Hope to see you in better shape soon.

Funny habits

Just the other day, a friend and I were talking about funny habits when it comes to food. How we like to eat certain things in a certain way. I told her about peanut M&M's and how good they are when you first nibble away the chocolate coating and save up the peanuts for last. Or how you peel off the upper cookie from sandwich cookies, so you can lick the chocolate center, before you indulge the cookies. Isn't that strange? I asked around and so many people have their own funny habits. What do you eat first when you are having dinner? I prefer to eat my veggies first, while others like to take a bite of everything in a random order. Our oldest daughter always saves the best for last, while the youngest prefers to eat the best first. Why do I eat the topping of the pizza before I chew on the crust? Perhaps because I hope I will be full before I come to the carb part? I dunno..
So what's your special habit? Do you eat things a certain way? Doesn't matter what. I would love to know!

Just like in the commercial

Aren't we all susceptible to commercials and what they represent? Small children choose their cereal because it comes with a free toy they want to have. Can you honestly state that you have never bought some article because you liked the commercial so much? Sometimes we dislike a commercial and it keeps us from buying the product just because it's so annoying. I must say that some commercials are really funny and although I don't always remember the brand it stands for, the ad stays with me for quite some time.

When I got to see this video on Dyson, it really made me smile. I thought it was hilarious and the person who came up with the idea, is probably a very funny guy! I don't need a new hoover and it won't make me buy Dyson, but I know this commercial will be watched several times by millions of people. It's already a hit on the internet.

Telling tales

When the girls were little, I used to keep diaries and scrapbooks on their adventures. They love it when we tell them about their childhood. They have tons of pictures and there are plenty of stories to read. They get to keep their scrapbooks in their room and I'm sure they have read them over and over again. Some stories are being told all the time. Maybe it's time to dig up the scrapbooks and have another peek in them. I'm sure I have forgotten many stories, but it will all come back to me once I see the pictures. We have lived in several houses over the years and they all have their own tales. I remember Lana coming down the stairs - at the age of just 2 years old - holding her newborn sister Eva in her arms. It made my heart stop for a moment, but she was real careful. I didn't like the sight of socks on that slippery stairway, so I asked her in a calm voice to sit down  and to hold on tight to her little sister. That's exactly what she did. The story has been told numerous times since.
There are several video tapes on the girls as well. Birthday parties, footage of ordinary days, days out at the zoo or the amusement park. We no longer make any video tapes any more, since our last camera broke down. But the girls make plenty of pictures themselves nowadays. All of their pictures come with stories too. I hope they will remember them, since they don't write them down.
I have no more than 1 photo album of my childhood and no stories to go with it. So I need to rely on my own memory. Going back to my teens isn't that hard, but the years prior to that, are tough. I like stories and tales. That's why I write them down.. just in case I forget one day...

Do it for you

For some time, you were lost in diabetesland. You didn't take good care of yourself, didn't know how to lower your A1c. We got diabetes around the same time. The difference is, you were 11, I was nearly 31. I have deep respect for all youngsters who have to deal with this condition growing up. Being a teenager is not easy. Being a teenager with diabetes is harder.
You're 20 now. Counting carbohydrates and taking better care of yourself. You poke your fingers numerous times a day and you are learning so fast. I'm proud of you! We like to chat on a daily basis and our conversations are so hilarious. Not meant to be seen by others, but very funny nevertheless. We understand each other, don't we?
A couple of months ago, you asked me about my insulin pump. Not that you wanted one, no way. Just out of curiosity. So we met for the first time. And we met again, accompanied by another pump carrying diabetic. His pump is different from mine, so you had the chance to see both. I had the feeling you were no longer that opposed to the pump. I'm not trying to persuade you in any way. I don't have to, since lately, you told me you wanted a pump too.. Now it's up to you, to convince your care takers that you're doing well. You have to show them that you count your carbs, that you interact with the advise your glucometer gives you and that you inject your insulin. You're doing so well! I'm proud of you! I'm pretty sure that pump is waiting for you in the hospital cabinet. It's just a matter of time. Be patient. It will be yours.

A beautiful moment

Anatevka, Russia.. Tevye, Golde and their five daughters try to maintain their family and Jewish traditions while their lives are being shook upside down by outside influences. Tevye has a hard time controlling his three older daughters, when they decide to move house and move further away from the customs of their faith and their tradition.

One of my most favorite musicals ever. Tonight, Lana and I are going to the theatre to enjoy the Dutch version of this must see classic Fiddler on the Roof. I'm so looking forward to the music, the scenery, the costumes and the atmosphere. It will be a wonderful night out and I'm glad one of my daughters is joining me. It's a late birthday present and a last minute decision, but we'll be in time. Maybe I'll watch the movie today, to prepare myself to a wonderful evening. Let me doze off and enjoy the songs..

How do di do?

So many times, we ask people: "how do you do?".
This is not America. Over here, you're supposed to answer the question. A simple: "fine, thank you" is not always sufficient. But sometimes it's all the other person wants to hear. Do people always want to hear how you are really doing? Do they want to know things are not that fine? Maybe not. But then why bother asking? People are not always interested in your well being. They are just trying to be polite and friendly, by asking how you are doing. It's not always that obvious to tell the other person what's bugging you. Maybe it's not even the best choice to pick just anyone to confide in. How about you really select someone to talk to? Someone you feel comfortable with, someone who knows you better than anyone else? Someone who's up to your stories and won't withdraw after two sentences? It's not always easy to find someone, I realize that, but telling the whole world about your misery is maybe not the best solution. Your cry for help is being heard, but not by the right people. This is just too much.. I know a very big part of your life is not the best life, but there must be some joy, even for you. Try to hold on to that joy, so your mood gets better. It's not that pleasant to talk to someone who keeps treading that same old mill, over and over again. There's more to life, no matter how hard life has been on you. I hope, that one day, you will be able to say: "fine, thank you" when people ask you how you are doing..

I could've danced all night

How you led me over the dance floor. How my gorgeous dress swirled around my body and made me feel pretty. The music was just perfect and the night was even better. We were in the middle of the dance floor and the spot lights were highlighting our steps. The crowd stood around us and they were happy for us. There was magic in the air and the stars were sparkling in the night. You had your hands around my waist and my head rested on your shoulder. It felt like home.. I wished the song would never end and our dance could go on for ever... At least, that's what it felt like in my dream. I don't dance. I don't even like to dance. I love to watch other people dance though. The feeling dancing gives you is probably very intense. I wish it were different but it isn't. Maybe in some other life..

21

Things are not always what they seem. Although I'm not much of a number person, the number 21 has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I have been mesmerized by the importance and the meaning of the number and I have talked to several people about it. They all have different opinions on the subject. Some say they stick to 19. I'm not sure yet, what my preference is. Sometimes I think 19 is a bit too much, but then again: why not pick 21? Why not go for the best? Maybe 21 was a bit more work, but then again, the result was better too.
My favorite number on the CD is Rumor has it. You should get the album too. It's worth it. Trust me.

Happiness in a bowl

I have another lunch meeting today. Well, maybe I shouldn't call it lunch, but just an all day meeting. We never know when our meetings will end, so it's dangerous to call it a lunch meeting. We might even have a lunch and a dinner meeting, depending on how talkative we will be.

Maybe I need to figure out what it is with gay men and diabetes. This week, I will have seen 4 diabetic gay men. That is so strange!!! This morning I have an appointment with my hairdresser, who happens to be gay and diabetic. I'm sure he will want to know all about my lunch meeting with my two other gay diabetic friends yesterday. And if he were able to join me for lunch today, I'm sure he would. But I need my other friend all for myself this afternoon. There are too many things to discuss in private. We get along real well. Let's say we connect. We understand each other and our friendship is worth the ride to Antwerp. We have met before and we realize every time that our meeting wasn't long enough. Who says men don't talk??? Real men talk!

Looking forward to this day. I'd better get going so I don't run late. See you in a bit!

I need somebody

We all need someone we can confide in. Someone to tell our darkest secrets to. Someone to feel safe with and share our innermost thoughts with. A shoulder to cry on, a buddy to hang out with. A person you don't need to talk to, in order to be understood. You know, someone who can read you without being told what's up.

I have wonderful people around me. I can't imagine not having good friends to talk to. I guess I would really feel lost.. My friends are so diverse in age and personality and their homes are spread around the country. It doesn't matter how old someone is or whether they are male or female. It's all about the friendship. Cuddles are never that far away. I have some pleasant meetings coming up. Looking forward to that.

Can't you see where I'm coming from???

It is no longer funny.. Getting comments from different people about my weight, is beginning to freak me out. I used to be bigger and that was not a happy period in my life. I said goodbye to the extra pounds and it's been quite some ordeal to get where I am now. I feel great! For the first time in a very long time, I feel like an attractive woman and I like the person I see in the mirror. Is it that hard to comprehend what the weight loss means to me? I will never be skinny and that has never been my goal in the first place. I wanted nothing but a healthy weight and a corresponding Body Mass Index. That BMI is not reached yet, but I'm fine with the BMI I have now. This is the weight that goes with my body. I eat well and I eat healthy. I'm not starving myself and I'm not withholding from eating yummy things. On the contrary: I hear so many people tell me how they envy the meals I prepare for myself. They are not boring or low calorie. I fancy the food I eat and I'm more conscious of what I feed myself. Why do I need to eat fatty, fried food and mayonaise or indulge chocolate cakes? I didn't eat that kind of food before the weight loss either and I'm not going to now. My stomach twirls when I smell greasy food. Just let me enjoy the Asian cuisine, my veggies and home made ravioli in chicken broth. After all, I have worked very hard to get where I'm at now. Please don't spoil the fun for me..

What if?

What if.. this world would come to an end in 2012?
What if.. cats would bark and dogs would meow?
What if.. I were not a woman but a man?
What if.. diabetes would no longer exist?
What if.. the world were square?
What if.. we would no longer have access to the Internet?
What if.. we woke up and spoke a different language?
What if.. we would work all night and sleep all day?
What if.. nobody would ever tell a joke?
What if.. cab drivers wouldn't like to drive?
What if.. we knew the answer to all questions asked?

Coincidence? Not...

Things happen for a reason. I don't need no confirmation to know that we meet for a purpose. People come into our lives to teach us things and to show us other perceptions. People come and go and they always teach us lessons we need to learn. They sometimes come back into our lives as a different person, to teach us the lessons we didn't learn from the previous encounter. That is something I believe in.. I don't believe in some God or religion. I believe in humanity and goodness, friendship and love. Nurture your teachers, accept their interference. Open your mind to new opinions and indulge yourself in different objectives. It doesn't matter if people disappear every now and then. Don't regret having met them, because they were there for a reason. Embrace those encounters, embrace the advice brought to you.

Mindreading is very interesting. Feeling connected with others is special. Thinking about the same things at the same time is not that extraordinary - it happens all the time if you are willing to accept it. Don't ignore your gut feeling. Stick to your intuition and open your heart. How often did your phone ring after you gave the other person a thought? Did you ever run into someone after that person had crossed your mind that same day? What about typing the same text message at the exact same time? It may seem odd to you, but to me, it's not that awkward.. It feels good, it feels familiar. It's what I believe in.

It's the end of the year and we know it

This it! 2011 is coming to an end. Fireworks will be making a hell of noise in a couple of hours time. People will be out on the streets, wishing others the best for 2012. By the time 00:00 appears on the clock, the mobile networks will shut down for a while, because they won't be able to cope with the numerous text messages. As usual, people will text their wishes to people they like. What is more unusual, is that all of a sudden, they have more friends than they knew. On New Year's Eve, the fine lines between friends and acquaintances fade away. People appear to be more happy and cheerful than they normally are.

I'm not a fan of December. I don't like Christmas and I don't like New Year's Eve. I wouldn't be sorry if December would fall off the calendar. Let's move on and forget about all the wishes and the good intentions. Nevertheless: I wish you all the best for 2012. Because that's what I'm supposed to say and that's what you expect to hear. I always wish you the best..

Homesters

No, I'm definitely no homester... On the contrary, I love to go out and explore the world. I could stay home and tidy up the house, mob the floors and scrub the deck. There are always chores to be done and tasks to be accomplished. I find that very boring though... Those chores come back every week and I can't get any satisfaction from doing housework besides cooking. It seems so useless! It's great to come home in a clean house, I know, I'm a fan too! But how long does the satisfaction last?? Not long enough according to my point of view..

People often ask me: don't you ever get bored??? And to be honest? No, I don't... Really.. There are not enough hours in a day to have a good time. Maybe that's why I stay up late and wake up early? I don't know. I keep telling myself though, that I'll be more of a homester and a housewife the upcoming week, but the good intentions fade away pretty fast. That comes with some guilt, but it's stronger than myself. I know my flaws.. and I try to improve myself. I'll never be the perfect housewife, I realize that. It's not my goal in life either. I do what I do best. And I'm working on what I can do better...

What an angel

I know, I've said it before.. but I just love my whippets. They are so sweet and lovable and they love to be cuddled and hugged. Their characters are so different but then again so much alike. They are both whippets after all.

Rebba was the first whippet in our household. She's something special. Came all the way from Denmark to Holland and now she's been living with us for 2.5 years. We're so happy with our little angel. She's just adorable.
I know there are people out there who think whippets are hideous or ludicrous, but that's only because they have no idea how wonderful they are. They are so brilliant, so funny, so whippet-like. I love them to pieces and I'm so scared something might happen to them. I don't know what I would do without them... They cheer me up, they keep my feet warm at night and they love me with all their heart. I'm so grateful for both of them. Unconditional love, that's what it's called..

Photo by Lana Joos

Long time no see

My schedule is fully booked. There are so many people I wanted to see before the end of the year and have a talk with, but it's just not possible... Maybe you should all move a little closer to where I live, so we could have a date sooner?
No seriously, it's great meeting one on one every now and then. We always have a great time. Lots of talking, drinking gallons of latte and laughing like kids... It reminds me of that Mary Poppins scene with Bert: I love to laugh!
I have a couple more dates planned for this month, but I'll slow down in January. "Promised!"

Tête à tête

When she told me she wanted to make dinner for her boyfriend, I thought that was a very lovely way of saying how much she loved him.. I can tell they are deeply in love, because it shows. He's a good boy and he treats her well. And by the look in her eyes I can tell she's happy..

She started her preparations early that afternoon. Making sure she had everything handy by the time she really needed to cook. Going through the cabinets, looking for the dishes she wanted the use, I felt pride and joy for my beautiful young daughter, who is growing into a wonderful young lady. He's a lucky man. He'd better take good care of her and love her with all his heart. My gut feeling says he does. I have never heard him speak poorly of her or see him mistreat her in some way. It's a blessing to see my little girl in love.. We granted them some private time to have their dinner. The candles were lit while I was upstairs, typing this blog and enjoying the clattering sound of their laughter. Being in love does things with people. I'm so happy for them..

Loosing control

I'm a control freak, I know. That's just how my mind works. I love to be in control and hold the strings. It's my safe haven, it's something I feel comfortable with and I know what things will be like when I'm in control.

But I do realize, every now and then, I have to let go. Control can't always be my very own privilege. There are more control freaks out there. When I call us "freaks" I don't mean it in a negative way. Just like being a control freak is not a defect. It's just that thing we can't let go off.

There have been numerous occasions when I couldn't be in control. Not easy, trust me. I bite my tongue and lips and the inside of my cheeks whenever I have to let go. But I know I have to, every once in a while. You can't always be in control.. Sometimes the other one has a better idea. Or it's just not your turn to be in control. Ring the bell if you want to take over, okay?

Ssssssttttt

My alarm clock reads 9:15 AM. The silence around the house is striking. The girls are not home. We left them at grandma's playing Buzz with their cousins. They were enjoying themselves and clattering laughter filled the house with joy.
I am trying to figure out my new toy and it is great fun. I know Christmas isn't about presents and there is more to life than bingeing. We all love the good feeling of being around the people we cherish. Doesn't matter where they are.. Our minds are joined. I hope all of you had fun last night..

Reach out and touch

I believe "reach out and touch" could be a good theme for Christmas Eve.. As usual, we all get together at the in-laws, to celebrate and enjoy each other's company. Two new sisters-in-law are joining us this year and I'm really looking forward to that. It's good to see the brothers-in-law happy again and it's great to have everyone present that night. Our sister-in-law will introduce her new partner to the family as well and we know he will be a hit! One of the 9 grandchildren will be missed but all the others will be there and the crowd will be loud and cheerful without any doubt. We hope to see the youngest grandchild on Christmas day.

The plan is that we all run some errands and the female side of the family will do the preparation for dinner. Many hands will help so the chores won't be hard or boring. We like to honor the grandparents and give them a wonderful evening to remember. All grandchildren love to go over to their grandparents. They'll probably have another sleep-over as well. Joy oh joy..

Have a wonderful Christmas season, all of you. Take good care of the people you love and be grateful for the people who love you back. Merry Christmas to everyone!

Slave to love

It was really strange and I never found out who was the mysterious deliverer of the envelope..

My favorite place to go for a drink on a Friday night (my allowance wasn't large enough to go out on a Saturday as well), was a cosy pub just around the corner from where I lived. The manager was a great entertainer and he let me help in the pub in exchange for free drinks. It was a good deal for him, since I didn't drink much but I liked to hang out there and serve the other customers. That one particular night, there was a whole bunch of us, having a good time over a couple of drinks. The manager loved to sing a song every now and then. He was good at playing his guitar too (loved his pajamas blues), but that night, he sang Slave to love, by Bryan Ferry. We would all sing along and it was a great night.. I clapped my hands and thought it was a wonderful performance of a great song.

A few weeks later, there was an envelope in my mailbox. No electronic mailbox back then, just regular mail. It just read my name, no more. No stamp, no sender. I opened the envelope and was very surprised to see two tickets to the Bryan Ferry concert in Antwerp.. I was really amazed, since I had not expected this gift from anyone. It wasn't my birthday either and I had no special friend at the time. So strange, so unexpected. I had no idea..

I asked around in the pub. They all laughed and made fun of the mysterious gift. But no one stood up and claimed the deed. I didn't go the concert. It made me feel awkward. Until the day of today, I still don't know who bought those expensive tickets. And why two? I guess I'll never know..

Home

When I think of home, I think of a place, where there's love overflowing..  A place where you feel safe, nurtured and cared for. A place you never have to fear and a place you can always come back to. A safe haven, a place full of joy and laughter, but also a place where tears are allowed to roll down your cheeks. A comfort zone, a cosy chair, like gloves that fit well. Aren't we all entitled to a loving home? A home where you can be whoever you are, without fear, without being ridiculed. A warm home, full of caring people and shoulders to lean on. Strong arms to hold you, nice words when you're feeling down and thumbs pointing up when you did great. Someone to kiss goodnight and to hold you tight whenever you feel the need.. What more can one wish for..

Thank you

Thanks to all of you, our diabetes pubs have become a success. It's great to welcome you every month on our different locations. The subject of the night out is mostly some presentation on diabetes, but mainly we get together to meet up and have a good talk and laugh. It's a good way to meet other diabetics and strengthen the bonds. Some people come over without having met anybody else beforehand. And by the time they go home, they got acquainted with several others. That's what keeps us going, that's what gives us the energy to go on. I drive quite some miles to meet up with all of you, but it's worth every ride. I know many of you can't make it to the pubs and I wish it were different, but maybe one day, there will be a diabetes pub in your area too. Then it will be up to you to gather some people around you and keep up the good work. Together we're strong.

Could it be? Yes, it could..

My two girls... Never thought they would get along so well. It warms my heart to see how well they are doing in their lives. They are happy and cheerful and have plenty of friends. And best of all: they are becoming good friends to each other as well..

Eva attended boarding school for two years. During that period of time, the girls didn't see each other that often. It took them some time to adjust having each other around again, but they worked out a system and they do well.

I feel fortunate to have these beautiful girls as my daughters. They make me proud and I'm lucky they chose me as their mom. Life wouldn't be the same without them.

Christmas finals are over. They will get good grades, I'm sure about that. They studied well and they deserve some vacation now. I'm glad they will be home for a while. Looking forward to doing fun things together and enjoy their presence.. Love you girls.. xxx

Me gusta

I love food, I love to cook, I love to eat. Imagine my joy when I got this phone call last Friday. You won a cooking workshop for two in Brussels. Are you willing to come over here and help us cook a fantastic meal? Hello??? Of course I'll be there! So looking forward to that! There will be a crowd of approximately 10 people and we're going to cook a wonderful menu together. I'm so excited!!! Always ready to learn new things and have a good time in the kitchen. The recipes will definitely end up in my digital cook book. This is too awesome! Chef Philippe Leplae will be our host and I'm looking forward to learning new things. He's an excellent baker and I'm curious about his technical skills and experience.
Lana is willing to join me. I'm sure she will take superb pictures and she will enjoy a good night.

Thank you, Lekker van bij ons, for offering us this opportunity. What a great Christmas present!

Photo by Lana Joos

Dream on until your dreams come true

Looking around me, observing people and listening to their goals in life, I can only conclude: live your dreams. So many people out there that are stuck in life. People who find no joy in what they do or who they have become. What's the use in waiting for a better life? Get a grip on yourself. If you can't do it by yourself, get help. Set new goals and dare to take risks in life. Find yourself a motivator and try to find out what your dreams are.

One of my dreams in life, was to go the States for one year, to live and work there as an au pair. It was my dream and I worked hard for it to come true. And I'm glad I persevered, because it was a year never to forget. My life would definitely not have been the same without that special US dream..

It's not always the easiest way to chase your dreams, but absolutely worth the effort. It will give your life a boost and you will get more confidence and more selfworth. It won't be hard to persevere, since it's what you wanted to do the most. Go for it! Your dream can come true! Have faith, work hard and don't let anyone stop you. They will try, trust me, because they will want to challenge your belief. But remember it will always be your life, your choice, your dream.. and in the end your reality.

Talk to the hand

the ears are not listening. That's pretty much what I was like at the age of 19. I wanted to be independent, live by myself, make my own money. Still in college, I tried to make the most of it. Having my own car - in those days, I used to save money - gave me so much more freedom then I was used to. Living in a student room away from home, gave me the peace and joy I was looking for. It was great to have friends over and cook dinner for my guests. My cat loved to curl up on my bed and keep me warm. Who cared if the dishes weren't done for a whole week? So what if I ate a whole box of Honey Pops a day? I was finally free! I could make my own decisions and lead my life the way I wanted to lead it. And despite all the negative comments, I did real well in college. I had good grades and I didn't skip (m)any classes. There was no need to, because I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted to after school..

Three years of living all by myself, was the best thing for me. Having a social life and exploring the surroundings, without being stopped by curfews. College life was good, being 19 was sweet. I knew what it felt like to be captured in a cage. No financial problems whatsoever and always a place to sleep, but freedom was out there and not within reach. My sense for independence gave me the strength to move on and see for myself what life was about. I made mistakes and some things could've been prevented, but nevertheless, I never regretted moving out..

Discover who you are. Dare to be who you are. Find a life of your own and enjoy the good times. You will be 19 only once.. Happy Birthday, my friend!

An ear to ear grin

Just look at you!!! You look fab! Time doesn't kill you, it makes you wiser and better, like wine. Thank you for having us over tonight. Looking forward to our gathering and letting us be part of your family. It is highly appreciated. I'm sure you will cook great food for us and pamper us like you always do. Even though it's your birthday, you will make us feel at home and enjoy the company. Party animal: have a great birthday. We love you!

Love

December is a weird and confusing month.. A month of mixed feelings, darkness and bright lights at the same time. I'm no big fan of the holidays. Too much fuss, too much obligations and running around. All of a sudden, people run around like fools, cracking their heads open over presents they are assumed to buy but can't find. It's my least favorite month of the year. It makes me reflect over the past year though. And I must say: it's been a good year. We have done wonderful things in 2011, I have encountered great people and they have left beautiful memories in my heart. I feel loved and it is heartwarming to love back. To me, that's what life's about.. Life is good. If you have the ability to love and be loved, you can conquer anything. Make love your number 1 priority. It will make life so much easier. Maybe that would be the best Christmas present ever.. I'll wrap it up for you..

Photo by Lana Joos

Purple Rain

You know the song, but did you know there was a movie too? I guess I was around 13 - 14 at the time and I didn't have much opportunity to go out with friends, but this time, I got to go. I remember the darkness in the movie theatre. My friend and I were pretty nervous, because two boys decided they wanted to sit next to us. They were French and we didn't understand them, so we signed it was okay. Our hearts were pounding inside our bodies and we feared they might ridicule our nervous behavioral issues. We giggled like only 14 year old girls can do.. I can't remember what the boys looked like and we probably never knew their names. We didn't tell ours either. But how exciting it was to have them sit next to us.. His hand on my knee made me freeze and I was too shocked to wipe it off my pants. So it stayed there all the way through the duration of the film. The hand didn't do anything. It just sat there, frozen to my leg. I couldn't concentrate on the movie. I do remember the music though and every time I hear the song, it brings me back to that Wednesday afternoon. My friend and I had something to think about and we were all excited about our grown-up adventure at the movie theatre..

Child Number Four

I was quite surprised, to hear about the expected little girl.. I had no idea you and your wife were looking into doing such a noble thing, as sponsoring a child in need. Goosebumps appeared all over my body.. What a wonderful gesture.. Your 3 other children are blessed to have you as their parents. A great family, full of love and friendship. And now, the 5 of you are ready to let this little girl come into your lives. Uganda is not exactly next door, but there will be several ways to keep in touch with little Cynthia. She just turned 4 and she would be a great playmate to your little girls. I'm sure your son would be very protective of her and he would show her off wherever he went. They will be so curious to hear all about her!!!

I'm touched, I really am. I already liked you but that respect has even grown bigger now. What a lucky girl Cynthia is, with her foster parents in Belgium...

Falling in love

What a wonderful feeling, the butterflies chasing one another in your stomach. Not paying any attention to the teacher, you wonder about your crush and what you're going to tell him. A thousand different scenarios cross your mind. He doesn't know about you nor your love for him and you prefer to keep that a secret for just a little longer. Just because it's such a wonderful feeling you don't want to spoil the moment..

You scribble small notes, that you fold and fold until there's almost nothing left but a hard piece of paper. Holding it between thumb and index, trying to decide whether you would try to make the piece of paper reach its destination. You hesitate.. what if he doesn't fancy you? What if the love is not mutual? Your eyes make holes in the back of his head, while you try to imagine the different colors in his eyes. His right eye is slightly more brownish with some extra green speckles. The little hairs in the back of his neck are just asking to be touched. There's no way you would try to do that. He's sitting besides your best friend. She's smiling at him. The corners of your mouth point downwards and you wish she weren't blond and her legs wouldn't be gorgeous stilts. He touches her hand while he reaches over and hands her his pen and jealousy has never been stronger. You wish you were her. You wish you were the lucky one..

The little piece of paper finds another destination, deep down into your pocket. Next to the other pieces of paper you wrote earlier that week. No way you will ever let him know how you feel. By no means will you approach him and make a fool out of yourself!

"Would you like to share my snickers?" he whispers in your ear. You didn't hear him come over. Startled by the moment, you are afraid to look up at him. He hands you over half of his snickers and you're too afraid to eat them. You cherish the piece of candy bar, because you know it touched his mouth.. He walks back to his seat, wrenching his legs as his knees touch the desk. He looks over his shoulder while he winks at you. Rolling his eyes, he listens to his neighbor - your best friend - but he thinks about you.. The brownish-green speckled eyes are sparkling and there's a hint of love in them.

The bell rings. You shuffle over to his desk, drop the folded pieces of paper in his lap, straighten your shoulders and walk out the class room. Victory.. and it feels great!

Gastrosexuality

Yes, it's your turn! There are actually men who are no chefs but who love to cook and impress. And yes, I know a few and it's great talking to them. No matter how young or old they are, each one has his own particular talent and I love to discuss food and recipes with them. Maybe we should start a cooking group, that is if they would allow women as well... Although, when I think of it.. I might not allow other women in the group and keep those gastrosexual men all to myself!

Hubby is not gastrosexual at all and maybe that's beneficial. I wouldn't like to give up my kitchen. I have no idea what it feels like if your partner decides what's cooking. I have always been the cook around this house and I believe it's my job to feed the crew. It would be kinda awkward to let hubby cook and just grab a seat and wait at the table.. So not al men have to be gastrosexual, please. But every now and then, it feels great if a man tries to please you with his cooking talent! I'll happily stand next to you and sip my glass of Chardonnay.

Stay with me

What if one day, you woke up and there was nobody left but you? What would you do? Would you enjoy the solitude and silence or would you go completely insane? Who would you miss and who could you do without?

So many people around, so many opportunities to have friends beside you. Life is beautiful. It's up to you whether you want to live this life in silence and solitude or in joy and entertainment. Do you value your friends and family for who they are? Do you ignore people who have no good intentions? Live the life you would like to lead. It's never too late to make choices. Don't loose any time. Tell your beloved ones how dear they are to you. Don't wait until it's too late.. Tomorrow is too late if you can say it today..

Stay with me. Fill my life with love and laughter. I'll be by your side too..

Photo by Lana Joos

I'm over the moon

While we were enjoying our midweek in Holland, I got notified by Facebook that two people wanted to become friends with me. Two names I didn't recognize, so I put them on hold, until I was home to check my laptop.
I replied that I was curious to know who they were. To my surprise, these people were whippet lovers. And even more: the lady behind the name is the proud owner of a sister of little Inthe! Joy oh joy! Inthe is from a litter of 6 girls. Spread around the country, we have not had the chance to meet up. And now it's really going to happen. Little Valerie and Inthe will meet again for the first time. Of course I will bring Rebba too and Valerie will bring her friend Vito, a beautiful male whippet who is only 1 month older than these two girls. We'll have a great time, no doubt about that!

Valerie

Inthe and Rebba

It's not your fault

I know it's a horrible story and it involves someone who means the world to you. That makes it even more tragic. Listening to your reasoning, I can see where it comes from. But it's too much... I don't believe in coincidences but I do believe in love. This love was meant to be. You wanted that love. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame him for not loving your treasure. It's his loss, not yours. Hang on to your love and the people around you. You are not to blame. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault.. It's just a hell of a disease.. Believe in him. Nurture him and give him all of your love, from the bottom of your soul. There's a bond between the two of you that can never be broken. Don't let any black thoughts destroy that. There's no such thing as a bad influence which infected that deep love.. That love will never go away.. The boo-boo will..

Je suis aimé des femmes sans les avoir aimées

You know who they are... my favorite men. My pals, my buddies, my lunch dates and shopping friends. They are special, they are unique. And they love men.. Maybe that's part of the deal. Women don't need to fear the friendship of gay men, since they don't fancy your sexuality. They love you for who you are and have no interest in your body at all. And the love is mutual. It's a blessing to have meetings with gay men. We laugh and we talk and talk and.. talk. Yes, we do talk a lot. How good it feels to talk to men and share your innermost thoughts. Gay men are not afraid to open up to you either. They are not afraid to share their deepest feelings. They have no issues telling you how they really feel about you.. Because they have no desire to chase you. They don't have to look their best to meet up with you, since you are no potential lover. No need to flatter you. It makes life less complicated. Thank you, friends of the family, for being who you are and for being a bonus in my life. I love you.

PS Yes, I know not all my favorite men are gay.. I'll talk about you guys later.

I long for your hugs..

I'm a hugger. Physical contact is so important to me. How good those hugs feel...hmhmhm... And I love to hug you back! Good hugs are so much more than just a kiss. Don't get me wrong, I'm a kisser too, but hugs are just a little different. You can't kiss just anyone, can you? At least, it's not done. But I believe one can hug whoever he/she wants. There are so many ways to express your feelings and hugs can be very representative.
So don't be surprised if I welcome you with a warm hug. That's just who I am.. If you feel uncomfortable about being hugged, let me know okay? But if you feel like hugging me back: go ahead!
Looking forward to this evening. So glad so many people will show up. Huggy time!

L'amour interdit

One of my favorite musicals - maybe even my most favorite one - is the French version of Roméo et Juliette. The CD I like to keep in my car, for lonely hours of driving all by myself. I like to crank up the volume and sing along. Although French is not really my favorite language, the French on this CD is pronounced so well that I love to listen to it.

L'amour interdit. Forbidden love. It happens all the time. It happens all around the world. Maybe it's even happening somewhere right now? Who will tell? Probably nobody since it's a forbidden love.. a love that is not meant to happen. A love that has to be left a secret, because it's an impossible love as well. If you haven't been there, you have no idea what it feels like. What if you're madly in love with someone and you're not permitted to let that person know? Or maybe that person knows but his surroundings disagree and see it as an impossible relationship? What if your parents try to mislead you by hiding secret letters from your beloved one? What if they don't pass you the messages left on the answering machine? What if they pout whenever you mention the secret love of your life? What if.. what if..

Would life have been different? Would you have married your amour interdit? Would the secrecy and mystery of the secret life survive if the secret were unraveled?

L'amour interdit. L'amour heureux. Forbidden love. A love story from all times. A reality for some.

You won't believe this!!!

People are so curious! Sentences like: You won't believe this or Did you hear.. draw people's attention. Write it in the subject of your mail, and you may be practically sure people will give priority to your e-mail. It's just this curious tic that people want to know everything.

Yes, I admit, I'm curious too. Curious George might be my middle name. I ask questions. Don't feel obliged to answer them though. If I ask too many questions, just say: mind your own business. No hard feelings..

Just try out how curious people are. Can you withhold yourself from reading a message that says: you won't believe this? Probably not. You wouldn't be reading this blog otherwise..

Hear the leaves crunch

Photo by Lana Joos

Let's take the dogs for another walk in the woods. Inthe loves to play outside. She likes to race around the meadows, catching falling leaves. Her ears are always pointed, trying to locate a lost rabbit or a colorful pheasant. She just wants to play, our little toddler. Nearly two now, but still as playful and full of life.

Rebba guides over her. She doesn't loose track of Inthe and she calls her back whenever she goes too far out of sight. It's great to see them communicate. Although Inthe is pretty dominant, Rebba is still in charge. She's the older one, she's the leader of our little pack. She lets Inthe discover the world and she's very patient with her, but she will reprimand her if she goes out of line. Because that's her job and she cares so much for Inthe, that she wants to raise her in the best way she can.

Winter will be there soon. The fireplace in the living area will warm our feet more often. It will be harder each day to get Rebba going. But as long as Inthe will jump up by the sound of her leash banging against the hook on the door, Rebba will force herself to get up and going. It keeps us going too. I don't walk them as often as I should, but when I do walk them, they warm my heart and they bring me even more joy. I'm so grateful for these two.. they were the best present ever.

A crush

Hitchhiking home in the pouring rain on a Friday night, a car with English license plates pulled over. In English, he said he knew me from work, since we worked in the same amusement park. I had not seen him before, but I was cold and I wanted to go home after a lousy day at work. So I got into his car and immediately I felt comfortable and at ease. He started joking and babbling and the conversation was really amusing. The sound of laughter in the car still clatters in my ear.
He asked me where I lived and it was nowhere near where he was headed to. But he decided to take me home anyway. We remained seated in the car for quite a while, before I finally got out. He rolled down the window of his Vauxhall Cavalier and asked me out for a beer. I had to get over to his side of the car - since English cars have their steering wheel on the wrong side - to talk to him. I was puzzled by this mysterious man, so I asked him to join me for a drink in my favorite bar. I didn't have to ask twice. He hopped out of the car and in to my house, so I could take a shower and change outfits before we headed off.

I was truly fascinated by him. What an interesting man. So bubbly and full of life. He had tons of life experience and I'm sure his age had some part in it. He was not old old, but at least 15 years older than this 19 yo at the time. I looked up to him and I was proud that someone his age was interested in talking to this blooming flower. So we went to the bar - just around the corner - and my mates down there were surprised to see me in his company. Hello??? What was I doing? We were used to hanging out with peers and there I was, having a drink and a chat with a man who was quite a bit older than me..

His parents were divorced and his father was expecting a baby with his new wife. Shortly after we met, he introduced me to his family. They were very nice people and very down to earth. He was pretty shy around them, but between the two of us, he would open up and we had a great time together.
I was in college back then - he was an employee in the amusement park where I worked on the weekends and during the holidays. He would take me to places and ask me out to dinner in fancy restaurants. No other boy had ever asked me out to dinner. He was a man and I embraced the attention he paid me. He made me feel special.. He was so different from the "boys" I used to date.

At least 6 months after we dated, he invited me over to his apartment. There was something he needed to tell me. He was nervous and I had never seen him like that. I tried to calm him down and told him that whatever he had to say, was okay. I trusted him and he trusted me. He gave me this photo album of his youth. I saw pictures of him as a baby and more pictures of his teenage years. Playing tennis with friends. Pictures of tennis fields near a mansion. I saw a pool and I saw stables full of beautiful horses. He told me he was not really an "employee" at the amusement park. He told me that, back in England, he drove a fancy car instead of this worn out Vauxhall Cavalier. The reason why one day I had run into his dad at the amusement park, was that his dad was responsible for all of the roller coasters and rides over there. He was a wealthy businessman and his son was to follow in his footsteps. He told me he came from a family of billionaires. I was shocked. I was upset. Why did he keep this a secret for six months? Why did he dress in worn out jeans and crappy T-shirts if he were a billionaire??? Why had he not been honest with me?

Experience, he said. Too many women fell in love with him for the wrong reasons. Back in England, they knew his background and they were in love with the money, not the man. He decided to do things differently in Belgium. He wanted to have a good time and date people who didn't know about the dough. I had no idea, absolutely no idea he was this rich.. But I felt betrayed. I needed some time to think things over.. He was running out of time in Belgium. His dad and stepmom had already returned to England and they needed him over there. He asked me to join him. I could work as a nanny for his new baby sister, if I needed a job. That was kind of awkward to me. He was full of life and I was really happy I met him. But I realized our worlds were too far apart. He was too old for me. I was only a college student. He was a billionaire..

Rosy cheeks

Saigon, the last weeks of the Vietnam war, April 1975. Gi Chris meets the 17 yo girl Kim in a nightclub. They fall in love with each other but it's not meant to last very long. While Kim is being left behind in Saigon without any message from Chris, he has left the city. 

Chris goes back to the US and marries Ellen, an all American girl. He never forgot about Kim, although he hadn't seen her for 3 years. Not knowing Kim gave birth to a baby boy, he builds a life with Ellen. Kim - living under Ho Chi Minh and leading a poor life - refuses the affection of Officer Thuy, to whom she was promised to by her parents, since her childhood.

Thuy can't cope with Kim's son Tam and he tries to kill her, ending up dead himself. When Chris finds out about Kim and their son Tam, he decides to go back and find both. 

He and his wife fly to Thailand, to see Tam. Kim doesn't know about Chris's new life in America.. 

For many years, our friends have been telling us about Miss Saigon. They promised us a very good story and a definitely-must-see-musical. I'm so happy they arranged tickets for us in Utrecht, Holland. I was all excited about this midweek away and the prospect of the musical. I'm a lucky girl..